Let's Network

It's all about networking these days, about the people you know and the people they know, so on and so forth. And about keeping tabs on those hundreds of people, saying the right things to them, scratching their egos in the right place and playing Mr/Miss Popular/Cool to the hilt. You find better opportunities, professional and personal, by networking. So if you do not know how to network, than I'm sorry that is the door for the socially handicapped.

I first joined a social networking site way back in 2003 at the insistence of a friend who thought it might help me meet like-minded people. With my acute levels of social handicap, I was out of there before the site even registered they had a new member. Several years down the line, that networking site was bought over by Google and suddenly became the place to be amongst the "with-it" crowd. You guessed it right. Orkut. So grudgingly I went back - after all so many of my "friends" were already there, as were several new "contacts" and this was an easy way to "connect." My second tryst lasted approximately a year, in which I found myself getting increasingly disgusted by the superficiality of relationships. Facebook had just about started making its appearance and was rapidly creating one of those cool quotient barriers between Orkut members and Facebook members. Not wanting to be discriminated I judiciously maintained accounts in both places, despite not wanting to be in contact with most of the people on my "friend" list. One thought kept echoing in my head constantly - if I really wanted to be in touch with these people, I would have found a way to stay in touch with them. Do I really need these people and do I really have to exchange trivial nonsense with them? I grew even more distressed when close friends started choosing to "scrap" me in such a public domain instead of writing emails or calling and was downright alarmed when I discovered that I was being stalked through Orkut.

Exit social networking sites. I cursed myself for trying to fit into a niche obviously not carved for me - who was I kidding? I wasn't made for these kind of social skills. I was better off in my little puddle, to borrow a term from a new friend. And happy I stayed, content in the reality and the depth of the friendships I had in the real world. I couldn't boast of having 250 contacts in my friend list, 50 of which claimed I was their best friend and said that my entrance would make any room crackle with electricity. But I could boast of having a handful of close friends who accepted me as I was even if my entrance cast a huge shadow on the room.

I returned to the world of social networking sites around 6 months ago, once again on the insistence of a very close friend. This time around I'm very cautious in accepting people and frequently clean up my contacts list by deleting people who are mere decoration on that list. I'm obssessed with cleanliness and organisation in any case, so why not exercise that mania in my contacts list as well? I must admit though, my social skills seem to have improved and I would even dare to call myself vaguely cool this time around! Admittedly most of the contacts on the list are students who have chosen this medium to stay in touch with me and most of the activity on my Facebook wall stems from my students, some of whom have even crossed over that frontier to be categorised as friends. Have I really rekindled the fire in long forgotten friendships? Not really. It's amusing to touch base with someone after ten years and update myself on their current status. But frankly it's at such an impersonal level I usually tend to forget the details even before I've finished reading them. But I must not be completely harsh. Facebook has helped me re-establish links that I once let go - of course I built on those links outside Facebook, so I am not ready to give the entire credit to Facebook.

I spend at least a couple of hours on Facebook these days, doing what I abhorred. Networking. It's a wonderful place to get information from people who are in the right place at the right time. It's a wonderful place to get your ego stroked (at least for me!). It's a wonderful place to spy on people. Spy on them...yes. Though not as open as Orkut, Facebook is still a largely public domain and it sometimes appalls me when people put up such personal details and intimate photos on their Facebook accounts. Trawling through albums of completely random contacts, I found myself almost scandalised at times to suddenly find myself confronted with images of a couple in a passionate lip-lock or a someone posing suggestively for their lover in provocative lingerie. Scandalised, disconcerted and distressed. Distressed because I don't want to be privy to your private life and don't want you to force your intimate moments into my face. Distressed also because I wondered if I'm regressing by this completely unproductive activity...and I felt the bile rising in my throat.

Since the last few days I've pulled myself back and regained the perspective I'd lost after coming to France and finding myself suddenly thrown into this social void where I spend hours (and sometimes days) with only myself for company and started seeking diversion on Facebook. It isn't the evil I'm tempted to paint it as, but it isn't a life sustaining force either. It can not substiute real conversations, real relationships and real people. It is a social networking site. A place to be seen and heard so that people do not forget my existence. A place to network. That's all. Let me not forget that.