Amitie

Amitie = Friendship

I've often said how important my friends are to me - this despite the fact that I've often erred in my judgement of people and deliberately distanced myself from some of my "friends" when they themselves didn't do so...(I almost pride myself in my clinical detachment at such times, for that helps to get over the hurt and disappointment much faster)

But a few days back I was just pondering over the changes life will undergo once I shift to Pune...I saw some changes after I returned from my 3 month hiatus in Germany - some big, some small, some in me, some in others - all significant! One thing that I'd been scared shit about was the changes in my friendships - there were few, none damaging luckily...atleast not in friendships that truly matter to me...but I realised that distance DOES strain relationships, specially if one person isn't good at 'staying in touch.' This brings me to my biggest fear - that there will be a day when these friends who I value so much and who are almost my entire support system (my guardian angels as someone once called them!), will not be there in my life....the thought filled me with such dread I can't even begin to describe the fear. Oddly enough I dealt with the fear with anger...not tears, not anxiety, but anger...anger at silly little things that you normally ignore in friendship, that don't matter...but for some reason I was remembering them and justifying a distance that doesn't even exist. Defence Mechanism? I don't know...think I was being incredibly paranoid and stupid. And hot headed - that's a new development, by the way...or should I say resurfacing - my childhood 'tatiya' red-hot temper seems to be back with a vengeance!!! Not exactly thrilled with it...sigh, one more thing to combat...lotsa deep breathing lined up for me!!!