Food for Thought

The Festive Season has been taking it's toll on our stomachs. Along with all the rich curries, deep-fried pakwaans, and mouth-watering mithais sashaying onto our tables and delighting our palates, comes the fear of Calories & Cholestrol and Crisis-time hits the Kitchens before you know it...before you start planning that next diet, here's something I gleaned from India Today Travel Plus -

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. – Mae West

Eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. – Mark Twain

My advice if you insist on slimming: Eat as much as you like – just don’t swallow it! – Harry Secombe

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless, there are three other people. – Orson Welles

I have a great diet. You’re allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked people. – Ed Bluestone

I don’t diet. I just don’t eat as much as I’d like to. – Linda Evangelista

All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening. – Alexander Woollcott

Great restaurants are, of course, nothing but mouth-brothels. There is no point in going to them if one intends to keep one’s belt buckled. – Frederick Raphael

The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life. Either we suffer in health, or we suffer in soul, or we get fat. – Albert Einstein

Give me liberty or…Ooooooo…A jelly doughnut! – Homer Simpson

The journey of a thousand pounds begins with a single burger. – Chris O’Brien

Thank you for calling the Weight-Loss Hotline. If you’d like to lose half a pound right away, press 1 eighteen thousand times. – Randy Glasbergen

To supplement that, I have some more Food for Thought for you - hey come on, this stuff is easy to digest!

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the frui ty bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry.My philosophy is: No Pain...Good, Very very GOOD.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO. Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around! (check out Chocoholics United, if you don't believe me!)

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets and remember,

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand -- strawberries in the other -- body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! What a Ride!" ;-)