Pensive...

Gah never been so bored...actually I have. Just that since yesterday the boredom is weighing down on me. It makes me think....think about decisions I've taken in my life. Obviously since I'm perfectly content with what I'm doing (that means academic decisons) I don't think about that. That aspect of my life is quite nice - runs on smoothly oiled wheels. I get what marks I deserve, I rarely hope for more than I've managed to get. That's a nice little package tied with a neat bow.

My personal life - social circle etc - is sure screwed up though. It's not like I don't have friends - I have a great bunch, who mean the world to me. They are the most important people in my life after my folks. They can turn my day around with one word - put a smile on my face that lasts all day, or several days sometimes...or wound me so that I hurt for months at end, with just a word. So important are they...but my great luck. Of them only one lives in Mumbai. And she too will leave next year. Kinda leaves me lonely. Coz I simply don't have the taste of relationships that don't have depth. I know it's sensible to have 'friends' in the sense of people you can hang out with, call up when you are bored etc... but I so completely lack at that skill. I actually freeze people out if I feel they are insincere...I can't be bothered with that kind of a fake relationship. Means I have high standards and once you've won my loyalty you could get away with murder with me (almost), but also translates into this very ultra boring social life and hours of boredom, pensive thoughts, and loneliness.

People tell me that I should be glad I have this neat organised life. That others have problems that are 'real' - I agree. My life is a cakewalk compared to millions. I don't need to complain for anything. But does that stop someone from wanting more? I'm not yet a saint....