Ho Hum and Then Some...

Diwali - it's the only festival I truly celebrate. I love to attack it full-throttle, starting with sending out Diwali greetings by post (I used to faithfully help Papa and then took over the task a few years back). Then came the cleaning up - I revelled in that. There's a deep satisfaction in dusting out ignored corners of the house, scrubbing clean the kitchen, reorganising the shelves and cupboards...a few days before Diwali I sent out egreetings and started helping Amma with the preparations of Diwali goodies. Gujiyas (or Karanjis as some people call them), Shakar-paras, Mathris, Laddus...and put up lights on our terrace/balcony.
Then there was shopping - new clothes et al... :-)

Diwali came with a bang - the entire day flew past in getting ready for the evening's pooja and dinner. Amma would scold Bhaiyya and me for being lazy, pull her hair out when Papa returned from the market with everything that wasn't necessary and nothing that was on her list :-) But in the end, we'd be ready by 6.30-7 p.m and sitting together as a family for Lakshmi pooja. The only ritual I enjoy and look forward to with enthusiasm.

This year was different. No enthusiasm. None of the zeal and joie de vivre I associate with the festival. I trudged through some of the duties, skipped others. Let's just say life got in the way?

But then Diwali came - bringing along Mama who I was meeting after two years. Activity galore. Dhanteras pooja at the Phoenix Mecano Factory, followed by a long drive through rolling hills to Mulshi Dam. Pretty. Shopping. Picked up something very different for myself. I still can't believe it isn't Cotton! Papa got me blinking lights - they stay off longer than they stay on, but they blink - that's what's important. We strung them up in addition to our usual string of lights :-) Diwali pooja - Shaurya also did his little bit. He wanted to eat the laddus, instead of offering them to the Goddess! He's a foodie already - and he's just 5 months old! Watched the fireworks - they are nothing in comparison to Bombay, but the bright side of that is that it's not as noisy either. Besides Pune could do with less pollutants in the air! Dinner at Chacha's house for a change - I missed our dinner at home. Chachi doesn't make Malpuas *sulking*

Bhai Dooj - Amma did tikka for her brother after aeons. I could see how happy the two of them were. We may not attach much importance to rituals, but sometimes they mean alot and make so much difference. Mama left today. The house feels slightly empty, but I've moved back into my room. Have to do something to get that cigarette smell out of my bathroom - I used to think the smell doesn't bother me, but boy does it bother!

It's a New Year by the Hindu calendar - I've started it with some resolutions. It's time to get my priorities straight and it's time to focus on myself. I've let thing happen to me for too long - now it's time to make them happen for me. He says I've become bitter. Perhaps I have. I am disillusioned. I don't believe I deserve this - I deserve better. I am going to get it. That's a promise to myself.

Amen.