Coz Goodbyes Suck....

18^th August 2006 – I heard what seemed like the most incredulous excuse (and that point I even thought pick-up line) for getting my phone number. As I refused, a smile tugging at my lips, little did I know that nearly six months later, just the mention of the same person’s name would bring an instant smile to my face…well almost always; like with all my close friends, there are always those moments when I’m all too willing to bring a beer bottle crashing down on the unfortunate victim’s head. In this case, there have been times when I’ve contemplated far more painful and sadistic means of gleaning revenge. ;-) Who’d have thought I’d be so glad I changed my mind a few weeks later and gave my number to D…and I must admit a little regretful that I didn’t do so when I was first asked! (I’m never going to hear the last of this, but to hell with it – every dog has its day(s) and D’s share seems to be rather big!)

I thought I’d reached that stage where I wouldn’t be able to trust someone so completely, and to love anyone apart from my closest family members and closest friends so unconditionally – yet looking back at the last six months and how our friendship has grown, I know that there is now one more person about whom I’m almost irrationally crazy. Close friends have wondered about the nature of our friendship, warned me not to get too involved, knowing my wonderful capability of giving so much importance to a friendship, only to be disillusioned by betrayal later – and I must admit I even tried reeling myself back a couple of times, but something just seemed so right in this crazy friendship that has made me defy every rule in my book, that has made me behave so uncharacteristic of the Plain Jane that I normally am, that has made me throw caution to the winds and for once not think, but follow only my instincts…

D, is leaving town next week and I know I’m going to miss those lazy afternoons when we watched movies/television and I was teased mercilessly about all my goof-ups and my apparently “moronic” behavior. I’m going to miss having someone to accompany me for films, someone who’d arbitrarily decide that my lunch is not sufficient and I must have some more (whether I want it or not is immaterial), someone who can make me forget the reason for my ire/frustration with absolutely inane conversation, not to mention some outlandishly hilarious suggestions (which also gave me some ideas, but they were mostly rib-tickling material!)…

I’m going to miss a wonderful friend who has become an irreplaceable part of my life. Damn but saying goodbye sucks…

Picture This...

Shaniwarwada – fort constructed in the 18th century, bang in the heart of Pune. The old part of the city – traditions, conservatism et al. A pleasant February evening. Approximately 1000 people from all walks of life and all age groups (5 years to 60+ years)…and to set the mood for the evening we had Merzhin…

Merzhin? A rock band from France, hailing from Bretagne and known for their rich and contemporary rock music!!! The concert was organized by AFP of course – my first rock concert and what an amazing experience! I was hooked and moving to the music seconds after the first chords were struck – the wealth of sounds thanks to their use of the flute and the snake charmer’s instrument, the palpable energy levels of the group made it a “rocking” experience!

Current Mood:- Blah!
Current Music:- Sexy Back – Justin Timberlake
Current Book:- Marley and Me – John Grogan

La Fille Occupée

Ah, it’s been a busy few days – busy and tiring, but equally satisfying and fun…except perhaps for my weekend class which is beginning to be a royal pain with those stubborn, unenthusiastic students who refuse to get rid off their blinkers and perceive the world beyond their well! Translation assignments, a soirée that was quite exhausting because of the high levels of boredom and exasperation that I experienced (the saving grace was the wine!), Aristera’s weekend visit (I so love that man and it’s been so long since we spent so much time together, just chilling out, that this was the highlight of the weekend! ! The noise I’ve made about this visit has certainly got some people very jealous of his presence in my life – hehehe!), good films( Mon Oncle, Parzania), great meals(Parsi food at Dorabjee’s, Rosti and Pizza at Swiss Cheese Gardens, Chinese at Silk Route and Mainland China, apart from some pretty decent home-cooked food!), greater conversation (be it with Aristera, D, or my students S and J)– all in all the last few days have been pretty good. The one thing that has been irritating me is out of my control, so I’ve decided not to let myself be bothered by it. De toute façon, que sera sera, je n’y peux rien, alors pourquoi agir avec frustration?

Musical Motley

“how do I live without you… don’t talk just kiss… and I hoped all the time you’d be faithful to me… how do I breathe without you…when the night falls, the loneliness comes…all I’m asking you for is for you to be my baby…oooohhhh…let your tongue fool around…i wanna dance with somebody…i wanna feel the heat with somebody…yeah!!”

Hehe…wonder if my choice of music says something about me! Freud sure would have a field-day with the randomly selected phrases that I’ve just thrown together I’ve just posted from the songs playing on my Windows Media Player. Well he can have his fun; moi, all I care about is keeping my spirits buoyant, for I’m going to have a rather awkward discussion tomorrow and I need to feel my confident best in order to do so…que dieu me bénisse!

Current Music:- Dressed for Success – Roxette
Current Book:- Bloodlines – Fred D’Aguiar (an engrossing novel in verse form – the first of the type I’m reading since Vikram Seth’s Golden Gate and I do believe I quite enjoy the style.) Yes Yes I finished Incest on Tuesday – don’t I just rock?
Current Mood:- Not Taking No Shit From Anyone…Not Today

Bonjour Bookworm

Oft have people questioned my habit of splurging my rather meager salary on books, specially since the kind of books I buy don’t exactly come cheap – there are those who wonder at my insistence on buying original copies, instead of the pirated copies available freely on the footpaths and at small book vendors. Apart from that fact that I firmly believe the author deserves his royalty even if he is dead and buried several feet underground, there is the fact that these kind of oeuvres simply aren’t available in the pirated version, since they aren’t exactly consumed by the larger audience, and if I may, common audience! Tell me when you last saw a copy of Marquis de Sade’s Incest, or Ellen Feldman’s The Boy who Loved Anne Frank or Lawrence Durrell’s Monsieur gracing the footpath, beckoning you with open arms, inviting you to pick it up and take it home with you? And then, how do I explain the sheer pleasure of holding an original publication in one’s hands – the feel of those crisp pages, the words on each page staring back at me unwaveringly, urging me to devour each alphabet? I guess this, despite my increasingly regular (not to mention disturbing) spells of inability to read more than a couple of pages a day, is what marks me as a literary snob and a bookworm…

Bookworm – oh how I reveled in that pseudonym, even more so than my other plume de nom, Plain Jane…and how I ache to read once again with that voracity that made me devour books with a ravenous hunger of one who has been starved of Literature, even though reality was that I was always surrounded by it. Yesterday after a really long time I found myself lost in the book, oblivious to other commitments and responsibilities, and I spent a blissful afternoon transported to another world as I greedily worked my way through The Boy who Loved Anne Frank – a brilliant work that not only moved me, but has forced me to question my interest in the Holocaust. It made me wonder how I could possibly pretend to understand or even sympathise with the pain of the victims – me who was born in a society where “war” is something distant, when my only associations with starvation and poverty are with what I see (but not feel) on the roads as I commute in a bubble of comfort in my air-conditioned car (or even that rickety, uncomfortable bus which also puts me several ranks above them.)…

This morning I started Incest, a work that scandalized the readers when first published, with it’s exploration of the most devious and skin-crawling morally evil act. To be able to say that I’ve read one-third of the novel already (and this mostly while commuting) makes me want to gloat and crow in sheer exhilaration.

Welcome back Bookworm – it was real lonely without you…hope you plan to stick around a while! Amen!

Current Music:- Don’t Talk Just Kiss – Right Said Freddie, Be My Baby - Vanessa Paradis
Current Mood:- Indolent and sensuously relaxed, after a glorious body scrub and long hot shower…and itching to get under the covers and finish that book ;-)

GRUMPF

I could just about sink my teeth into someone right now...

Ola 2007!

My first post in 2007 – I hope to be more regular this year, but I won’t promise – the last couple of months have proven without doubt that the best intentions don’t necessarily lead to the promised actions. The year kicked off in a rather sedate fashion – a very calm, lazy vacation in Bangalore spent surrounded by family. Great weather, peaceful days, languid routines, afternoons spent sunning myself like an indolent lizard on the terrace/balcony of my relatives homes and some shopping (though not much when you think of the shopper’s paradise that Bangalore is!)…I’ve returned back to Pune feeling very lazy, but itching to get back into action…and boy does it feel good!

After some initial confusion, I’ve managed to get the batches I wanted, with the timings I wanted – working just in the morning this time, so that I have the rest of the day to plan my next day, read up/study for my DFA course and actually accomplish other things as well, apart from le français! ;-) The Alliance Française (world-over but particularly in India) had changed its text and organization of courses from this year – so it means a little more effort vis-à-vis class planning, but I think I’m going to enjoy teaching the new book far more than the older one! Time shall tell…here’s hoping 2007 is a better year on all counts! Amen!

Wrap-Up

Last night, as the year-end drew closer and as I got ready for a short trip to Bangalore with Ma, I sat and stared up at the stars and thought about all that had happened this year and what lies ahead in 2007. It’s been a year like none other – it’s changed the way I think, my views and attitudes…

I think I’ve grown this year in more than one way. I’ve lost so much this year – losses that can’t be balanced out by what I’ve learnt or what I’ve gained for nothing can take the place of my father. It’s been over nine months and sometimes I still wait for him to walk in through the door, I still yearn to talk to him, I still miss those moments when he’d come and run his hand over my head before he went to bed…and I still regret the fact that I fought with him before he left for Kottayam. When I think of the other relationships that went awry this year, of the lies and betrayals I faced, all of it pales in comparison and I wonder why I gave them so much importance – I think I’ve learnt from my mistakes and I hope I never have to face those kind of heart-breaks again…but then who knows what lies ahead, for the biggest lesson I’ve learnt is that whoever is up there, pulling the strings of our life, has a very weird sense of humour and loves pulling the rug out from under us just as we start getting comfortable.

It’s not been all bad - after taking baby-steps towards my goal for so long, I’ve finally embarked on my métier and am slowly moving up that ladder of progress. I believe I’m learning and improving with each passing moment and despite some really embarrassing goof-ups (I still cringe every time I’m reminded of them), I think I do a pretty good job of what I’m paid to do…if all goes well, then next year I should finally be able to fulfill another long cherished dream. Amen. I’ve met some fabulous people and strengthened the foundations of friendships that were still on unstable grounds. I’ve done some crazy things, that I never thought I’d do – and much as I wonder where it’s taking me, I don’t think I’ll regret a single moment. Now if only I could truly toss caution to the winds, caring two-hoots about what the others think and for a change just follow my instincts, paying no heed to what practicality, common sense and fear of the unknown tomorrow dictates…

Burnt indelibly into my conscious (and I think sub-conscious and unconscious as well) this year :-

• The first breath-taking sight of Parvati temple at Ellora caves.
• Papa, at work, sitting proudly behind his desk at Phoenix Mecano India.
• Papa stepping into the elevator telling me he’ll come back and discuss my plans for the future.
• My first batch of students presenting me with a cake that said “Alliance Française Rocks” and asking me to cut it.
• Rain drenched Seven Bungalows from the 4^th floor of Gayatri – I wonder whether I’ll ever think of any other place as “home.”
• The pride and delight of seeing my closest friend’s name in a magazine and hugging him – wish I’d done that the next two times as well!
• Papa, cold in that awful coffin – lying on the cold hard floor of the crematorium and being taken away from me.
• The disappointment in my friend’s voice, the fear of losing him…and yes, the peace and joy at patching up. I don’t ever want to go through that agony again.
• Being told that the song “You’re Beautiful” by James Blunt reminds someone of me…being told that I am beautiful.
• That last hug at the airport before Appu checked in for her flight to Chicago.
• Those lazy afternoons with Kitana over cappuccino at Barista.
• Walking into Khadki cemetery with a friend and watching her face light up with delight at its sheer impeccable beauty and the possibilities it offers vis-à-vis photography.
• Teacher’s Day – my first as a teacher and being gifted that wonderful card…followed by my birthday, when once again my students presented me with a card and cake.
• The pride that surged each time my students fared well, despite the fact that I seem to set rather “high standards” for my students when it comes to exams ;-)
• The cold pit in my stomach when I realized I’d screwed up in class and the relief once I’d set things right and my students reassured me that they still liked me as much as they did before they were told I’d erred...and how!
• Coffee by the roadside, tea at the tapdi, popsicles sitting perched on the footpath.
• Sharing Nala Park (a.k.a Osho Teerth Park / Zen Garden) with someone I’ve grown very fond off over the last two months.

Dereliction of Duties

Oh I feel terrible terrible – not a single word for so long that Extempore got the opportunity to reprimand me for derelict of duties! It’s been a whirl-wind of a fortnight, and believe me while I thought several times of sitting myself down to blog, the energy to follow up on my thoughts simply wasn’t there. Much work has happened, minor crisis has been averted, and the cold/cough/fever that has been trying to make it’s presence felt since May this year finally got a chance to take hold of my respiratory organs and has since created havoc inside me forcing me to take class when I barely had energy to stand…and worse, forcing me to conceded defeat and cancel class! Oh how terrible I feel – double dereliction of duties. Could it get any worse?

Currently:- Cantankerous as hell bent over the monitor, sore/red-nosed, sniffing into a tissue, coughing like an eighty year-old woman and praying I can take class tomorrow.
Currently Reading:- Monsieur by Lawrence Durrel
Currently Listening to:- RFI on World Space

Licensed to Kill...

The Bond Mania has never made much sense to me – the way I saw it, they were just a series of films with a typical plot revolving around espionage of some sort or the other, solved by this hunk who apparently had superhuman capabilities and could get away with just about anything with a smile and his 007 tag! There was a time when I’d admit with much embarrassment that I hadn’t really seen all the Bond films – today if you ask me, I’ll tell you that I’ve only seen those with Pierce Brosnan since I am a loyal fan of that incredibly eatable man ;-)

I saw the latest Bond film – Casino Royale – a couple of weekends ago; I believe it was the very first weekend that the film was screened in India (now that’s impressive for a Bond-indifferent person). I won’t say I was bored or that I didn’t enjoy the film – but yes, I definitely didn’t see anything worth raving about…so, the dude believes he’s Spiderman (or was it Superman?), so the dude beats up a bunch of people and manages to extract information from them, so the dude has a soft-spot for hot babes…umm, tell me which leading man in an “action” film doesn’t have all the above characteristics?

I can’t compare the latest Bond with his predecessors, except perhaps for Brosnan – and I have to say this…I’ve been re-watching the Brosnan Bond films the last two days, and the sheer style, charm and smoothness of that man make all those bizarre stunts easier to digest! I mean really – wrecking half a city with a tank, just because you have to rescue the babe? For that matter, do tanks swerve that fast and that smoothly? The only reason I wasn’t rolling my eyes and snorting in disbelief was the presence of Brosnan in the same frame – and I’m quite sure that’s the reason behind the success of all those many Bond films – the film-makers obviously chose their Bond carefully. There are those who are drooling over this latest guy (I don’t even remember his name; I had to google it, beat that?) – give me Brosnan any day and I’ll happily convert to a Bond fan! ;-)

In the pipeline :–

• A Good Year (am going to see this one, since it’s based on a Peter Mayle script and it features one of my favourite French songs – Lolita, by Alizée – hopefully the French countryside will help me ignore Russel Crowe’s presence in the film!)
• Busier, longer days with more than one class a day – it’s going to be 4-6 hours of French a day from next week! Yippee???
  

On my bed-side table :- Malaria – Susan Hill Mori, Paroles – Jacques Prévert, Le Français Dans Le Monde (a magazine for FLE professors, i.e those who teach French as a foreign language)

What Do You Say...

When someone tells you that the moon in all its sublime glory can’t be more beautiful than you?

But But But...

It’s been a tiring week and I’m feeling awful about not having written to friends even though I’ve been back for over a week now, not to mention not being able to accomplish everything on my agenda. Time just seems to slip out of fingers like loose sand and before I know it, it’s already past midnight and I still have a dozen odd-things left to complete. I shouldn’t complain – I’ve got pretty much what I asked for and it’s not like it’s been all work and no play. Despite the fact that I’m now working weekends, this weekend was much fun, with a movie, lunch and a soirée organized by my students. Actually managed to dodge a potentially traumatic weekend merely by keeping myself occupied from 6 a.m to way past midnight! But…there’s always a BUT, isn’t there?

I don’t know…while it’s wonderful to be so busy, to be on my feet and constantly doing something and putting those grey cells to work, I’m finding myself wishing for something more. What I really need right now is…

- Someone who will hold my hand and tell me that it will be alright, someone who will just hold me and be there for me when I’m feeling so incredibly tired of putting up a brave front, when all my reserves are wearing thin and when I’m reeling desperately out of control.
- To organize myself into some kind of a routine, that helps me balance work (which is surprisingly becoming more and more challenging by the day) and studies, along with my other responsibilities.
- But what I need more than anything else is for Papa to tell me that what I’m doing and what I plan to do is the right thing…

Why...

Do I have this over-whelming urge to stick my head in sand?

20/20

When I packed my bags before I left for Bombay, it was with some trepidation – I didn’t know what to expect from the “stage” – all I knew that I was going to Bombay for a fortnight, something that will probably not happen again for a very long time. To say, that I’ve returned satisfied with my experience would be an understatement. The programme was dense, to say the least, and there were many days when I left the center feeling the burden of information over-load and grasping for words in English, having spent 8-10 hours with the French language and the best ways to teach it! (Yes, it led to much exasperation and frustration for my dear friends who had to bear the brunt of my “Frenchification” and at least one of them got back by talking to me in Marathi !) I hadn’t counted on the programme being this demanding, intense and exhausting – I definitely hadn’t imagined that I’d come down with fever and have to take class when I was burning with temperature! But it was worth it – all of it, from getting up at 5.15 am daily and commuting to other corner of the city, and then putting in 8-10 hours of work before heading back home…

The amount I’ve learnt in this short span has made me realize just how much more I still have to learn – it’s also made me painfully aware of my short-comings and the areas where I need to work and improve myself. Needless to say, if I were to re-do my self-evaluation post, I’d probably give myself a 6 on 10 – maybe a 7, but that’s only ‘coz I’d be cutting myself some slack for being a “professeur debutante”! On the other hand, I can’t deny the fact that I see an improvement in myself – in terms of fluency with the language, comfort levels with Didactic theory and the related notions and ofcourse my class preparation – I’m putting in a lot more time and effort into my class plans and I can already see the results in class!

While the “stage” was complete success, at least from the point of view of pedagogic training, social angle was…interesting! Surprisingly, I got along with everybody in the group and had quite a bit of fun as well – there were also many moments of pure mirth and befuddlement at the attitudes and behavior of some of my "co-stagiaires"!

I didn’t quite manage to do everything I had planned, or meet even half the people I’d wanted to meet, but I finally got to spend a reasonable amount of time with my closest friend and with another dear friend. Strangely, in hindsight, even that time doesn’t seem enough! Squeezed in a rendezvous with another friend, with whom I haven’t spent time since last year – that was a nice evening. Spent a day with the parents of another close friend – and was hit very hard by how much I miss her and the reality that we truly have chosen our different paths and life is taking us all far away from each other. If our friendship had to pass tests before, this one’s going to be the toughest!

Met people about whom I’d heard a lot and had been itching to meet for over a year now – and apart from the fact that it involved watching one strange film with too many brains being blown out, it was an extremely fun evening! Make that three evenings and one very satisfying dinner-n-dessert! There was also this one painfully catastrophic night, which I’d like to pretend didn’t happen – but unfortunately it did, and I have no option but to face up to the fact that amongst my eccentric friends, there also exist(ed) some truly weird personalities which I can do without.

Apart from that…

I’m glad I went to - the Hard Rock Café with Aristera and A.S – the combination of rocking music and good company went down quite well with the beer.
I blew up money on – books and music at Landmark, stationary at Chimanlal, chappals at Colaba Causeway, a facial and radically short hair-cut (for me) at a nieghbourhood salon.
I was zapped and then just died of amusement when - I was addressed as Kundamini, Pratibha and even Gajgamini in class by a forgetful formatrice!

I’ve tried hard to sum up the experience in one word but I’m afraid it’s a motley of words that I’ve come up with – enriching, frustrating, fulfilling, exhausting, satisfying, thrilling, enlightening!

Mes Affaires

Voilà – mes affaires!

A hopeless romantic who is boringly sensible and quite practical, even though undeniably eccentric – what else would you expect on her bed-side table?

White Mischief

We had a guest for two days – Schnapps, our adorably regal cocker spaniel fathered eight cute puppies two months ago. As the rules of mating dogs state, we got one of the puppies – unfortunately with a zoo already running at home (Schnapps, Shaurya, Shaurya’s dad – my brother and some fish) there was no way we could have kept “chicklet” without risking our sanity! So it was that when the uber-adorable puppy had to be given away (luckily, a friend has adopted him, so I’ll get to meet him regularly)…

Chicklet, as I started calling him is the most affectionate puppy and the first dog to enter our home, who was following ME around and not Bhaiyya. I melted within seconds when he wriggled his plump little body onto my foot, curled up and fell asleep there! He was following me around everywhere, would mewl and wait outside the bathroom, wake me up in the morning by nibbling on my fingers – ofcourse he also had my work chalked up by his incessant urinating! I fell in love anyway…miss the little chap scampering around our home!

- Off to Tinsel town for nearly a fortnight. Officially, to attend a “Stage Pédagogique” and get trained rigorously as a debutante professeur du réseau Alliance Française, which shall hopefully give me a helping hand up that ladder of professional progress. Unofficially, for twelve days of complete freedom and letting down my hair! :-) There’s loads of people to meet, tons of catching up to do, crazy amount of fun to be had – shall toss in some serious back-breaking work as well and voilà the Quintessential Bombay Life that I miss all the time! Now that’s what I call living the life!

The Constant Gardener (2005)

I went for the film like an ignorant viewer – I hadn’t heard of the film, didn’t know it was based on the novel by John Le Carré and definitely didn’t know that it had won accolades at the Oscars. It was the opening film for the European Film festival organized jointly by the Alliance Française de Poona, Max Mueller Bhavan - Pune and the British Council - Pune at the Natinal Film Archives of India, Law college road, Pune – and that’s all I knew about it.

In a way my ignorance turned out to be for the good, since I went with absolutely no expectations and definitely no idea what the film was about! I walked away silenced and quite disturbed by the film’s portrayal of the immense betrayal and the double-standards that continue to be practiced by the “colonizers” against the “colonized” even though I was well aware that it still isn’t an equal world. The extent to which the “third-world” countries are exploited by the super-powers (in this case against the backdrop of the powerful pharmaceutical industry and a drugs being developed to combat killer diseases) has been brought to light with an almost brutal efficiency – the silences and the vast landscapes of Africa bring to fore the stark reality that we all pretend doesn’t exist. Even now, weeks after seeing the film I can’t obliterate the image of the white birds circling over a bleak terrain characterized by dry bushes, fecund swamps and a wildness that doesn’t even spare its human inhabitants. Even now I get goose bumps when the strains of the haunting African soundtrack flash through my mind. Yet, despite this impact the film has had on me, I know I’m not going to do anything about it, that I shall move onto the next topic of interest and this too shall fade away forgotten in the pursuit of more inane matters. And I think to myself – am I any better than those that colonize(d), oppress(ed) and exploit(ed)?

The film is definitely worth watching for its brilliant treatment of subject and for the acting par excellence by Ralph Fiennes – I am, however, not convinced by recognition Rachel Weisz got for her role that made its impact more by its absence than its presence. The character certainly deserves a mention, but in terms of acting – from my point of view, she was barely around to act and it certainly wasn’t exceptional! Ralph Fiennes, on the other hand, is superlative, as usual!

Instant Gratification

Oh come on, don’t give me those looks! Haven’t you seen all those issues of Cosmopolitan and the like, screaming about how instant gratification is the thing in today’s world of instant-this and instant-that? So, anyways, since I need some instant mood boosters right now, I’m going to talk about instant pick-me-ups (talking about my mood here people, rein in that imagination!)

• Head-banging to Bon Jovi with the volume at an ear-splitting level that is sure to make the neighbours raise their eyes heaven-wards praying for deliverance! (they were probably doing that this morning, since the song playing was Born to Be My Baby by the one and only!)
• Waking up at the crack of dawn to the sight of the sun-rays piercing through the cottony clouds, the smell of freshly watered earth and the sound of nothing else but the fan whirring in the room.
• Slipping into my oldest and most comfortable pair of jeans – yep the same ones that hug my body so faithfully and have that green spot right below the knee, marking me as a messy painter. They may look like they need to be shown the way to the trash-can but no other pair makes me feel sexier ;-)
• Being the recipient of that one comment of appreciation in the middle of a frustrating day – nothing like a little ego massage to make me feel a lot better!
• Switch on the television to find one of my all-time favourite numbers playing on VH1 (it was King of Wishful Thinking by Go West, this morning)…
• Escape a boring (yawn) session of food/clothes/relative gossip talk at a soporific dinner party, to a conversation with one of my wicked buddies. Oh, I’ve done this so often!
• Being gifted flowers – even a random bunch of wild flowers. Actually better those, than boring roses! *hint hint* (again this happened very recently, so happiness again!)
• Shopping – it doesn’t have to be a truck-load of bags, even walking out of a store with a new set of fun, sexy lingerie, or a new book (don’t you just love the look and feel of a new book that hasn’t been read as yet?), or even some new stationary (I admire my new books for weeks before I can finally convince myself to use them)…retail therapy rocks. Totally. (Had picked up all three last week, so imagine how indulged I was feeling then!)
• Lifting my head from dreary accounting work, at the sound of my phone beeping and read a message from my one of my favourite people.
• Last but not the least - sinking my teeth into a Cognac or a Cointreau filled Lindt chocolate, letting the liqueur flood my mouth as the chocolate slowly melts on my tongue. Sheer ecstasy within seconds.

Recent Film :- Astérix et Obélix: Misson Cléopatre – the one with Monica Belluci (as Cléopatre), Gérard Depardieu and a whole bunch of very good French actors. A totally fun film, and a must watch for Astérix fans. Make sure you go with someone who enjoys Astérix and that particular brand of humour.
Current Books:- Bloodlines by Fred D’Aiguar and Skin and Other Stories by Roald Dahl.
Current Music:- Free Your Mind by En Vogue (remember them?)
Current Mood:- Strange 'coz I'm in a limbo between downright melancholy and a completely-abnormal elation of sorts.

PS Belated but heartfelt greetings for the festive season to all in Blog-world!

My Current Wallpaper

Self-Evaluation It Seems...

“Why B.A? Why M.A? Why Literature? Do you want to become a teacher/lecturer?”

These questions have dogged me ever since I decided I’m going to take up Arts, and specialize in English Literature. And I’ve doggedly dodged the questions refusing to satisfy anyone’s curiosity or appease their frustrated attempts at making me consider more lucrative career options. My decision to take up French was met with some relief, for most people thought I was aiming for the corporate world and the well-paying field of interpretation. Yet, through-out my under-graduate years and even during post-graduate studies I never, in my wildest (or most sober, if you please) dreams, imagined I’d end up in the teaching profession. I knew I’d do something related to Language and Culture, but what exactly, I wasn’t sure. Frankly back then, even I didn’t know the answer. So when I took up teaching, most people around me weren’t as surprised as I was (specially since I started with the dreaded kid’s course)!

Yesterday was the last day of my fifth session with Alliance Française de Poona. I’ve had a rollicking time this session – it was more of fun and sharing my knowledge, than actual teaching/working. Today, I got a call from an ex-student from my weekend batch, asking me if I’d be teaching a 1B in the next session and I burst out laughing on the phone. The current batch has been asking me the same thing for the last few days – initially I thought they were just asking because of the comfort level that is attained by the end of a session between a teacher and students, which makes you want to continue in the same group – but now I’m beginning to think that perhaps I am a likeable professor, irrespective of the fact that I do make them write a lot. And when I say a lot, I mean a lot!

I don’t think I fit any of the stereotypes one has about teachers, except maybe the fact that I am bespectacled ;-) and that I was a sincere student who had an astonishing 90% attendance in college and expects the same from everyone else ;-) Yeah well, I have high expectations from the world in general! Seriously though, I was thinking about my classes and realized that with my appearance, my attire (faded jeans with glass-paint stains!), my attitude and my antics in class (I talk to myself, I tap my feet and swing my hips when I’m teaching them a song and I threaten to throw my pen-knife at them when they make silly mistakes), it’s a little wonder that I have such an easy, relaxed relationship with my students. Plus I’ve lost my cool only thrice and am generally quite lenient, since I think my students are old enough to decide where their priorities lie and thus old enough to choose between responsibility and discipline and the opposite.

I attended an Alliance Française organized cultural event yesterday with some of my students (a Nouveau-Cirque group that calls itself “Méli-Mélo” )…my brother was also there with his partner and after the event, they both had one thing to say – that they would never have guessed I was their teacher, not their friend, if not for the fact, that most of them address me as “Ma’am” (atleast the ones younger to me – still can’t get them to call me Mademoiselle)! I’m not quite sure how to react to it, but I do know that it feels nice when my students stay in touch and want to continue with me as their teacher. I’m guessing that means I rock as a teacher. I think I’d give myself an 8 on 10 ;-)

P.S The current batch has done quite well, making me even prouder of them, than I already was, after having replaced a colleague for 4 days and walking away from that class horrified at their lack of comprehension and required level of fluency, not to mention complete lack of discipline!

P.P.S The Nouveau Cirque performance was amazing – I’m not sure I managed to interpret it correctly (the main theme being the delicate balance and transition from childhood to adulthood and the over-all absurdity of our existence), but in terms of performance it was a really well-executed and entertaining display of acrobatics, gymnastics combined with dance and mime. The backdrop of the Shaniwar-wada fort highlighted the absurdity of their act, though the acoustics could have been better had it been in a closed auditorium or else at least quieter environs, not bang in the center of the old city and one of the most traffic-congested areas of the city.

Current Music :- Pretty Child by Indus Creed.
Current Book :- Nearly done with Perfume – it’s made my hair stand at ends, yet drawn me to it, like a moth is drawn to fire. It’s definitely not a book that you can read, without any kind of reaction. Perhaps it wouldn’t qualify as high-brow literature (one never knows), but considering the fact that I’ve not been very impressed by most works that are hailed by literary critics these days, I’d rather read something of this sort, than well…other literary trash! *chortling with wicked mirth*
Current Mood :- Satisfied.

Je Suis Contente :-)

At long last, I’m sitting in the peaceful haven of own environs, in front of my computer, with my own headphones clamped firmly into my ears, crooning along to the familiar tunes of Françoise Hardy’s “Tous les garcons et les filles de mon âge” – I could just about sink into an oblivion, so intense and deep-sated is the satisfaction right now.

It’s been a strange, strange three weeks deprived of the computer and thus continuous connection with the “other” world, as it were. Three weeks of enforced isolation and distance from what I considered my only outlet. And this close at the heels of my decision to distance myself physically and emotionally from two people whom I’d grown to love a lot. Expected to feel adrift, lost and lonely (more so, since guardian angel Kitana caught that flight to La France – and I do, so miss her!) – but strangely enough what I found was the peace and content I’d been craving with desperation. It’s been three weeks of re-acquainting myself with the quintessential Geetanjali. It’s been three weeks of learning to love myself again, of letting myself let go and do as I feel. Most importantly it’s been three weeks of being in control of my life and making things happen for me…and of smiling from within, once again.

Current Mood :- Optimistic. Light-hearted.
Current Music :- Hasta La Vista – Mc Solaar (merci encore une fois Kitana – j’ai finalement écouté les chansons que tu m’as donnée le dernière fois que j’étais chez toi. Ma pirate préfèrée..je t’embrasse ma chère !)
Current Book :- Perfume by Patrick Suskind (a most riveting read vis-à-vis the descriptions of perfumes, as well as the hair-raisingly bizarre plot)

Grihasthashrama

Friday 29th September 2006

I woke up with an uncanny feeling that something's changed...well not really, just woke up to see plenty of missed calls and messages from people who wanted to wish me at midnight, but forgot my eccentric habit of putting my phone on silent. I'm now 25 years old - a quarter of my life has whizzed past me, and I'm still not half as intelligent as I'd like to be, nor have I found what I"m looking for...and then there are those who remind me I've entered Grihasthashrama and should think of "settling down" - *puke*

I thought I had a nice materialistic gift-list which included Anne Hathway's wardrobe from the film The Devil Wears Prada, books, music, flowers, chocolates...but that morning as I read my messages and spoke to my friends, I realised all I really wanted was Papa...obviously not a gift anyone in this world is capable of giving me...

Didn't want to do anything special, but three days later, I'm still reeling under the whole Birthday after-effect. Messages, phone calls, cards, cakes (yes in plural, five to be precise), flowers, visits from unexpected and expected quarters, gifts, lunch treats - everyone (from family, to friends, to students) seems to have worked over-time to make this birthday special...am still recovering from all of it...

Update :- Registered for and started DFA (remember I spoke of it earlier?) last week. This time I didn't tell anyone till after my first class! LOL!

Request :- Am devoid of computer and this the internet, so please bear with my prolonged silences in blogger world and elsewhere on the internet.

Current Book : Toujours Provence by Peter Mayle (a continuation of the Provence series, one of which I read and reviewed some time back)

Tagged

Chamique tagged me sometime back to write about my five favourite things to do in MY city. My first thoughts were of Bombay (but obviously), but then I realized that Pune is as much my city, today, as Bombay, so here they are my two cities and five of the things I enjoy doing in each :-

Mumbai Meri Jaan

- Take a long, long walk around sunset, down the rock-beach, 7 bungalows, preferably in the company of dear friend, but alone is also nice. Nothing like the cool sea-breeze to clear the mind…
- Colaba Causeway – just stroll down the entire stretch, stopping to pick up bargain stuff from the stalls. I’ve picked up some real treasures from there at throw-away prices.
- Café Mondegar (yes I know it falls in the above category) – anytime of the day, from morning to night. The jukebox, the caricatures, the wine, the beer, the food, the people, the feel of the place.
- Walk-talkathons in the Nana-nani park with another bumchum pal – I’ve not indulged in this for over a year. Nostalgia hitting hard right now…
- Walk down Marine Drive after finishing work, tossing bhel into my mouth while the wind tosses my hair around, talking with one of my closest friends ever.

Phew that was NOT easy. Narrowing it down to just five things when there are so many things I enjoy doing in that beloved city of mine…but these definitely have to top the list!

Warming Upto to Pune

- Chai and Upma/Poha at the Y-point in the Pune University over eclectic conversation…it used to be great fun with one-time soul-brother/friend, but any good friend will do for company in changed times.
- Cappucino and conversation with Kitana at the “adda” i.e. Law College Road Barista. We’ve talked ourselves hoarse (atleast I have), laughed, cried, had crazy fun…in short spent some of the most memorable moments there!
- Drive/ride down the lanes and by-lanes of the city that are still shaded by those gorgeous canopies of trees, admiring the old buildings and houses while my friend (and driver) worries about the insane road and traffic!
- Spend an entire evening at the German bakery, lingering over a cappuccino or lemon cheese cake, discussing n’importe quoi, all the while getting vaguely amused by the people that walk into the place.
- (This is the strangest) Teaching at AFP. It’s not really city-specific, yes, but I started teaching in this city and it’s perhaps on the few things that gives me immense pleasure today. Mind you, just teaching – the rest of the parcel that comes with work could be improved! ;-)

Well there you have it – I, hereby, pass the baton onto Apercevoir, E vestigio, Casablanca and Nocturne.

Current Mood :- Peaceful. Content. Happy. Naughty. Mad.
Current Music:- Two out of Three by Bonnie Tyler
Recent Films :- The Devil Wears Prada , The Constant Gardener (both are highly recommended by me for different reasons – DON’T miss either!)

I Don't Want To Fight No More

They say my outlook towards life has changed. They say I'm becoming incresingly negative, cynical. They say I'm sad - that I should try and be happy. I wonder how they can have the gall to say these things to me, when they have been responsible for my tears, for the pain I've been through, particularly in the past few months. I wonder how they can look themselves in the eye and not flinch when they think of the lies and the betrayals. I've been kicked before - this isn't the first time and I've always forgiven, moved on and bounced back. But not this time - this time something inside me seems to have broken beyond repair. This time, I am not only hurt, I'm disgusted and I'm furious...and I want the person to pay for single-handedly opening my pandora's box, for reviving all the demons I thought I'd slain, for every tear I've shed, for the sleepless nights, for the hours I've spent staring blankly at the television while tears rolled down my face, for each time I reached out for my medicine to drown the pain.

I didn't want to believe - I held back for so long, but then I told myself that not everyone is a jerk, that I shouldn't punish new friends for mistakes made by someone before them. I should have gone with my first instinct. I should never have believed, for a little over a month after I opened my heart, allowed myself to believe the promises and I began to trust the person would be there for me, the door came slamming into my face - and I'm sitting once again surrounded by emotional debris in the aftermath of a storm that's splintered yet another friendship beyond repair. I fought the storm - I didn't want this to happen, but when the other person simply doesn't care about what happens to the friendship, when the person couldn't even care whether I live or die, what can I do?

I don't understand - I've never hurt any of my friends. I've never been embarassed of them, or been ashamed to admit to other friends and family that I love them. I've never hidden the fact that I'm spending time with them because they didn't gain the approval of someone else in my life. I've loved them despite their flaws - hell I've loved them for their flaws. I've loved them for who they are, not because they reminded me of someone else! I've always pushed aside my issues, my problems to be there for them when they needed me - smiled, laughed with them to make them feel better even when I was crying inside. I've bent over backwards to accomodate them, their whims and fancies, their eccentricities, their schedules - so why then do I get treated like a second-class citizen, whose feelings don't count? I thought I was a nice person to know and to have as a friend. Apparently some people don't agree with me.

I would never have called myself cynical or even pessimistic for that matter – always believing that things would fall into place in the end. I don't know anymore...all I know is that I don't deserve this. I don't want to feel this blind rage. I definitely don't want to be hurt. There's just so much I can take and this year has just been one blow after another. I'm retreating into a cocoon once again where noone can hurt me. I'm tired. I'm really tired.

Dog Day

(A one-time Orange, now Hutch advertisement, that seems to capture the essence of my days perfectly! God I'm bummed out these days, not to mention feeling like I could fade off the surface of the earth and no one would really care. Grumpf.)

The Wonder Years (1988-1993)

I'm from that generation that witnessed the entry of "Cable TV" into their homes and watched English programmes on a rationed Star Plus that was initially aired only in the evenings and gradually became a 24/7 channel. I grew up watching The Wonder Years, that awesome, warm, intelligent, lovely, bitter-sweet tale of Kevin Arnold growing up in suburban USA - I kinda grew up with him and miss watching it. Went back to some quotes from the show - here are my favourites:-

“All our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope... all the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, there's someone perfect... who might be searching for us.”

“Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up.”

"Change is never easy. You fight to hold on. You fight to let go. "

"Love can tear and rip you apart. It can kill you. But if you’re lucky, it can put you back together. "

"Winnie Cooper: Yes I do like him.. not like-him-like-him but yes I do like him."

On the Tragicomedy that is My Life!

05.45 hrs. 04/09/2006.
The alarm rung and I rolled out of bed to get ready and leave for class at 06.45 hrs. I was out of the house dot on time, got a bus easily enough and was at Alliance Française at 07.45, not too early but early enough for class. The staff room was open, so even though I was there as a student at that time, I walked in and settled myself in one of the armchairs. I was reading the papers, when at 07.57 something started bothering me. There didn’t seem to by any other students around. Ok, so the students aren’t as punctual as I am, but surely the professor would be here by now? I knew something wasn’t right and with my luck class had probably been cancelled!

At 08.02 one of the receptionists (the nice, efficient one) who’s doing 1B right now walked up the stairs and expressed astonishment at seeing me there so early – when I told her that I was there for the Cours de Traduction, she stared at me in disbelief and confirmed my suspicions. “But didn’t ****** call you and inform you that it’s not starting today? There aren’t enough students! What will you do now?” I had two hours before my class – boy was I early for class today! I shrugged my shoulders in resignation and said I’d probably kill time at a café till 09.30.

I called up my guardian angel in Pune, Kitana, who seems to have always been there when I needed a friend in the recent past. After expressing my irritation and frustration I told her I’m going to go grab a cuppa cappuccino at the nearby Barista (our Adda). I picked up my bag and decided to walk down since it was a lovely morning with a nice, refreshingly cool breeze.

***

The Way It Happens in The World of Novels:-
I walk down to Barista, the breeze playing with my hair, smiling at the sound of the birds chirping in the trees and the sight of people rushing to work, while I was going to enjoy an unexpected cup of coffee! A short walk later, I walked into a cozy, welcoming café, ordered my cappuccino and croissant (or better yet, bagel!) and settled into the couch with my novel. Once I had my coffee, I curled up and lost myself in the novel, only to find myself disturbed with “Could I be impertinent as disturbing you?” I look up into a pair of the warmest eyes, twinkling lightly with humour and mischief. A little surprised at this new turn of events, I just stared at him tongue-tied. He pulled out the accompanying arm-chair and introduced himself. Pulling myself together, I reminded him pertly that I hadn’t asked him to join me. Lifting an eyebrow lazily he asked me if it would bother me so much to humour a fellow human for a few minutes. At a loss for words again, I just shrugged and reached hurriedly for my cup to hide my confusion…

Forty minutes later, I reached reluctantly for my bag. It was time for class – time seemed to have flown past, so enjoyable had the conversation been. He rose with me, reaching for his car keys that were lying on the table between us, lifting that eye brow inquiringly, “Let me drop you to work?” I smiled back in agreement. We parted ways at the gate having fixed a date for dinner (obviously candle-lit) later in the week and I walked up the steps of the building with lightness to my step that hadn’t been there earlier.

The Way It Happens in The Real World:-
I started walking to Barista, enjoying the walk and the cool breeze, despite the fact that the roads were dug up and thus dusty. I reach Barista, itching to wash my face because it feels coated with several layers of dust and the exhaust fumes from all the vehicles that had raced past me carrying their hassled, frustrated owners to work…only to find the gates firmly shut! The watchman informs me that it won’t open till after 09.00! Am I supposed to have my early morning cup of coffee at mid-morning? Refusing to let myself believe there’s a conspiracy against me, I head to the Café Coffee Day further down the road – that too, is not yet open! ARGH!!!

Feeling my blood begin to simmer, I hit the speed dial button for Kitana and wail in distress! She suggests Krishna, an Udipi between the two cafés, promising to join me soon. I head over to Krishna (it’s open and serving breakfast – god bless Udipis!) and order filter coffee. As I waited for Kitana to join me and watched the people walk/drive past, my mind began to idly drift in the direction of a story. But, this is the REAL world, so I dragged myself back to reality, pulled out my diary and started jotting down notes for the next day’s class and making an exercise!

Kitana arrived soon enough and we chatted for a while before heading back at AFP – I learnt there from the super-inefficient and extremely annoying receptionist that he has “misplaced” my form and that’s why he “forgot” to call me! ARGH!!! Stamping down the urge to break something over his nearly bald head, I told him that’s not my fault. Accepting his sorry excuse of an apology, I walked out of the reception wearily, wondering when the class would start…ah well, I had a class to take in 2 minutes and had to walk in with a smile!

***

So, ladies and gentlemen, Cours de Traduction is temporarily postponed/shelved until further notice and I’m now waiting to see whether this course or Diplôme en Français d’Affaires will start first and will enroll myself for which ever beats the other!

On a lighter note, Kitana and I went for Asterix and the Vikings after my class – it is such a FUN film (goes without saying since it’s an Asterix, but yet!)! My first Asterix film in English – a very “rocking” and modern Asterix, if I may say so myself, this is a complete Must-see!

Yet another nice thing to happen – today was Teacher’s Day (my first as a teacher)! I walked into class to receive compliments for my dress and perfume - my eyebrows must have hit my hairline when one of the male students sniffed appreciatively at me and said the perfume is excellent! He was followed by the other students who wished me and presented me with a lovely card (personally made), flowers and a chocolate! My day was made – totally!

:-)

Alias Grace - Book Review

Even though my promised review of Casa Rossa is not yet up (I'll put it up - cross my heart and all that), here I come with yet another review of another Atwood. Alias Grace, which took me embarassingly long to finish, given my current discontent with the world (myself included) at large. Check it out people!

Update :- I'm going to be studying again! Lève les bras, danse avec moi! Cours de traduction (Translation course) starting Monday. Twice a week only, so it's not going to be hectic...and it fits in quite well with my current class schedule - quite excited about it. Hope it doesn't turn out to be a wrong decision! And there's this one other thing that I hope falls into place...let's see. *crossing my fingers*

Current Music :- Crossroad (the album) by Bon Jovi.

Current Mood :- Implaccably ruthless. I want my pound of flesh..and I just got it.

Who Needs A Guy?

I've been known to to speak my mind when I'm with my close friends, but rarely do I bother wasting my energies with strangers (preferring instead to mentally lash out at them or havemy fun at their expense later - yeah I'm wicked) - but sometimes I can't hold my tongue and then ofcourse much fun happens :-)

I recently had much fun and gave an obnoxious relative a mini-heart attacks of sorts...thought I'd share the fun...

(Scene - I'd taken the pain to dress up after ages, so I was actually looking quite raapchik, even if I say so myself!)
Obnoxious Relative :- You know, Geetanjali bitiya is quite pretty and can look quite nice if she makes an effort.
Me :- I know. What exactly is the point being driven home here?
OR :- You would look so much better if you took care of your looks and wore contact lenses.
Me :- I think I look nice enough just as I am, thank you.
OR :- But imagine what nice boys you'd get if you made some effort!
Me :- Maybe I don't want a nice boy...
OR :- *Look of confusion and a little shock*
ME :- Seriously, why would I want a guy? What can a guy give me today that a girl can't?
OR :- *Complete shock*
(Others in room stare at me with their jaws dropping to the floor, some chortling in glee at my wickedness, knowing I'm going to have some poor souls worrying about my sexual preferences and probably concluding this is the reason why I'm still unmarried at the grand old age of 24 years!)
Me :- *Bliss* (I know she won't bother me for some time now! SCORE!!!)
(More such crazy conversations - In Paris and at Getting Gorgeous at CCD

New word discovered that I'm dying to use - tarantism (TAR-uhn-tiz-uhm) noun - An uncontrollable urge to dance.

[After Taranto, a town in southern Italy where this phenomenon was experienced during the 15-17th centuries. It's not clear whether tarantism was the symptom of a spider's bite or its cure, or it may have been just a pretext to dodge a prohibition against dancing. The names of the dance tarantella and the spider tarantula are both derived from the same place.]

Current Music :- Rock On (the new version) by Def Leppard
Current Mood :- Restless. Blue. Wicked. Satisfied.

Move Along

It's a nice, bright Sunday - the skies are a clear azure after ages (hell, I don't even remember when was the last time we had a such a beautiful day!), the breeze that's blowing through the window is delightfully cool and is ruffling the curtain ever so lightly (not to mention my freshly washed, fragrant hair). All this should have set my heart skipping out a jolly tune and a smile fluttering lightly on my lips..why then is my heart sinking into the grips of fingers so icy they hurt as they tighten and squeeze around my heart?

Current Music :- Move Along by The All American Rejects
"When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through"

Sigh...

Spent some lovely relaxed moments with a friend the past two days - and coming home today, I was hit by how short-lived, how ephemereal these moments of joy are...and I smiled almost sadly to myself. It makes me treasure these moments all the more, for I know that in the next couple of months my "social" life is going to go downhill again. The pampering is over, soon the fun, too shall be a thing of the past. Sigh.

Current Mood :- Restless. Fed-up of being walked all over and being taken for granted. Disillusioned and disappointed.

Question of the Day :- Why do people make promises they never intended to keep?

Thought Cloud

Rains. Torrents.
Wet. Disillusioned. Greens. Potholes. Pain.
Hungry. Not. Bored. Garam Chai. Fritters. Tears.
Cappuccino. Hurting. Where’s the Sun? Memories.Black.
My chest hurts. So does my back. And my head. And my heart.
Nostalgia. Bored. I need a Book. Anger. Questions. Bruised. Battered. Grumpf.
Defeated.“It Must Have Been Love”. Idle hours. Emptiness. Disgust.
Blah! “Hasta La Vista”. Cognac.Employment. Apathy. Resolutions.
Craters. Muck. Ick. “I Will Survive.” Am I Not Good Enough?
Wicked. Fangs. Plain Jane. Independence. New focus.
A New Day. Sunshine. Atlast. Busy again.
I Miss you Papa. A lot. Blue.

Floral skirt. Pink. Pretty.
Content. Peace.

Out Of Action

Temporarily out ofa ction due to unforeseen circumstances (that being voltage fluctutation which got through UPS and spike-buster which rendered useless the computer, which is essential for blogging!!) ...

Sigh, such is the life these days! Please to be the forgiving and to be the missing my lovable presence...

Aaj Kal Hassi Badi Mehengi Ho Rakhhi Hai Duniya Mein

Omkara. Vishal Bharadwaj's adaptation of the Shakesperian tragedy Othello. I've seen it twice and I'd gladly go for it a third time, without a second's hesitation, provided it's still running in cinemas after the release of that god-awful Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna. No, I haven't seen the latter and neither do I have any intention of doing so - I've successfully avoided most of theYash Raj - Johar banner films since KKHH and I'm damn proud of it! Unfortunately Omkara is already making its way out of cinemas (atleast in Pune) - and once again I am appalled at how culturally ignorant and philistine we can get! I won't bother waxing lyrical about the brilliance of the film - the adaptation to a very believable north-Indian semi-urban milieu, the casting (yes even Kareena Kapoor failed to get on my nerves) and characterisation, the music (I simply can't stop humming the title track and "Bidi"), the attention to detail (did you notice Kareena's nails in the scene at the prison at the beginning of the film?), not to mention the performances (Konkana, being the best - how that lady transforms from a Bengali to an Iyer Brahmin to a hip-young-urban-journalist to an uneducated woman from a UP village is just unbelievably awesome!) are all worthy of a standing ovation.

I won't even bother lashing out at the junta that went for the movie and walked out saying they got bored and didn't understand it - can hardly blame them, if they've been fed sentimental crap like Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gam (gag!!!), or worse the Garam Masala genre of comedy (puke!!!) - ab unpadh ko kya samjhana Shakespeare kaun tha! What I fail to understand and forgive is the educated lot, who have read a reasonable amount of literature and who walk out saying the film was a torture, that it gave them a headache..and the worst of them all, that Shakespeare was a sadist to write tragedies!!! Mon Dieu - could we indulge in any more blasphemous sacrilege? How do you explain to these people what a wealth of knowledge about the human psychology is to be gleaned from Shakespeare's plays, that all the courses of psychology and HR management couldn't teach you what reading (and understanding the meaning behind the words) Shakespeare's plays could teach you? And pray, tell me what's this nonsense about cinema existing only to provide entertainment (and that too, the senseless variety?) - whatever happened to cinema being the Seventh Art and Art existing to represent Reality, not to mention make us stop and think? Where, where have we gone and donated our grey cells? Why, why are we insisting on turning into this mindless pulp of humanity that cannot deal with an intelligent subject?

[Read Aristera's review of the film - I couldn't agree more with him!]

Current Mood :- On the warpath since Wednesday - have been sharpening my talons and fangs and sinking them into every available (not to mention unsuspecting) victim at the slightest opportunity. Inner angst makes me shed my angelic demeanour!
Current Music :- Kylie Minogue - Come Into My World, In My Eyes, More More More
Current Book :- Alias Grace - Margaret Atwood

Happy Friendship Day (ahem)

For the longest time I’ve silently rebelled at being judged by others’ parameters of what’s acceptable and what’s not. Through-out adolescence I had major issues with the whole concept of “cool” and “hep” and being “in” – having gone through a tumultuous adolescence and felt excluded and to quite an extent, marginalized and yes, judged by ridiculous standards, I developed a strong dislike for pigeon-holing of people into categories, just any Tom Dick and Harry who doesn’t even know you. Till today I react strongly at being cast into a particular image…

I thought I’d left all these things behind, but it seems not. Irrespective of how old one gets, one continues to be judged by others – what’s worse is that it’s not always the stranger or the outsider that does it. When close friends who are apparently there because they’ve accepted you for what you truly are, suddenly rear up and start judging you on the basis of appearances or hold you at gun-point for what is not acceptable to them, it feels like the worst kind of betrayal. Isn’t friendship supposed to be based on acceptance of differences? It forces me to take a step back and re-evaluate my friendships – forces me to think before I talk about something…and that to me is not real friendship. That’s a bloody farce in the name of friendship and frankly I could do without it…

…oh I almost forgot, today is Friendship Day! Right then, Happy Friendship Day to all of you out there – remember to be true to your “friends” through-out the year not just this one day. (Total kill-joy, ain’t I?) :-)

Current Mood – Wierdly pensive and dark to suit the dull, grey, watery weather.
Current Music - Walk Away – Kelly Clarkson
Current Book – NOTHING! I haven’t touched a book in what seems like aeons – I need to read something and feel good about myself again. Time to hit the cartons for books not yet read…

Those Were The Days...

Goodbyes Suck!

I hate saying Goodbye...and I'm dreading the moment more than I care to admit. FUCK but I'm going to miss her so god-damn-much!

Current Music:- J'ai besoin d'amour - Lorie
Current Mood:- Nostalgic. Contemplative. Cold. Tired.

Random Tag...

I thought..such things don't REALLY happen, but they apparently do.
I said...I wouldn't fall but I did anyways!
I want to...make my parents proud of me.
I wish... I could turn back time.
I miss... Papa. Alot.
I hear... they don’t make them like that anymore.
I wonder... about many things, not all of them worthwhile.
I regret... not having said enough when I had the time.
I am... a hopeless romantic, boringly sensible and quite practical, even though undeniably eccentric.
I dance... rarely in public, but very often (and best) in the mornings all by myself.
I sing... terribly out-of-tune.
I cry... way too often these days.
I am not always... sensible, much is the pity.
I write...not as well as I would like to and not nearly as much as I'd like to.
I confuse... people alot when I "zap" into my juvenile mode!
I need... to feel like I'm in control of my life.
I should try... to let go sometimes.
I finish... things I take up voluntarily, but not those forced onto me.
I get turned on by . . . intelligence and honesty when it comes to emotions.
I seek . . . happiness.
I won’t . . . ever be such a blind besotted fool again.
I shouldn’t . . .worry so much.
I confess . . . to enjoying Mills & Boons (there goes down the drain any future attempt at Literary Snobbery!)
I claim . . .to be Plain Jane :-)

Quarter-life Crisis?

If someone asked me a month back if I’d ever stop blogging, I’d reply in the negative without a second’s hesitation. Not any longer – despite the fact that my blog has been my baby for the last three years, I find myself hesitating when I approach it these days. Unfortunately my blog has been the reason for some misunderstandings in my life, and it has forced me to question if perhaps my blog hasn’t played a hand in complicating my life a little. As it is, since the beginning of this year life has been a freaking roller-coaster with a tendency to swerve in any odd direction it wishes.

So many times over the past few months, I’ve stopped myself and questioned my actions – so many of the events in the last few months don’t seem like my life, so many of my actions don’t seem like mine. But it is my life and they are my actions – I worry constantly about what I’m doing. I worry that one wrong decision today could lead to a lot of pain and confusion tomorrow. Then again how can I be so sure that the said decision would be wrong? I worry that I’m being selfish in allowing myself to enjoy the happiness that is coming my way. Then again don’t I deserve it? I worry that the happiness is temporary. Then again isn’t happiness always temporary? Don’t troubles and worries always dog the steps of content and peace? So then I worry that I worry too much and that I worry needlessly.

Gah – add to it the confusions created by what I’ve said on my blog – it’s almost like Geebaby too is going through some kind of quarter-life crisis! Sometimes I think I should perhaps not blog anymore! * Shudder * No, I don’t think that is possible – Geebaby has been MY space to vent out thoughts and emotions and any scant creative bursts for too long now and I don’t think I can completely give it up…but perhaps it’s time Geebaby grew up and donned a different avatar.

So there, you have it, there are going to be some changes here people – I may be back from the short hiatus, but I ain’t the same no more!

Current Music:- Wind of Change - Scorpions, Something Stupid - Robbie Williams and Nicole Kidman, Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough - Patty Smith, To Be With You - Mr. Big (the last two being two of my favourite romantic tracks!)

Current Book:- Brainfever Bird – Allan Sealy

Current Mood:- Swerving between contemplative and content – haven’t felt this good about myself in ages and I’m finding it bloody odd!

Low. Lost. Betrayed...

Mood Therapy Anyone?

Who needs a loony-bin or a fancy spa-resort to fix those grey moods when Bombay is just around the corner to breathe life back into me, to slay my demons and to revitalise me sending me back with a calmer, more peaceful mind? For four days, I lived in an idyllic world, where all I did was eat, drink, swing, watch television/movies, talk and laze around. Friends had been saying I need to take a break and get away from town (preferably to the city that breathes life into me) so when my usual flying visit to Bombay got extended thanks to the rains bringing the magnificient city "to a standstill" (ahem!) you can imagine the miracles it worked on me!

Activities:- As I said, I unwound totally - swinging gently, watching the world race past through a window overlooking my favourite park in the city or watching television. I discovered Sex and the City (yes, yes I'm slow in discovering such things - what to do I'm pop-culture deprived these days!) and had a whale of a time chuckling over the antics of Carey and co. I got totally mind-f***ed watching Closer on a rainy, romantic morning, when I should have been watching much cuddled in someone's loving arms (yes yes we don't need to remind that those loving arms still haven't made an appearance - gah!)! I rolled my eyes at the media reports of "baarish ki dehshat" that had the "yatayat thap" - pray tell me is it just the goverment and the civic bodies thata re to be blamed for the mess in that city? When are we as citizens going to take some responsibility? I "braved" the rains and let the "man" have his way (Muhaha), attempting to get to Bandra, when Juhu was water-logged only to turn around and come back to my "ilaaka" and head to good ol' Fame Adlabs for an incredibly ridiculous Superman Returns (please don't expect a review beyond this - "rolling my eyes"). I've had some amazingly delicious food - O Calcutta, Café Basilico, Pizza Casa, Café Biona and some very basic food - Swadesh, Appointment(!!) and Guju-ghar-ka-khana. I allowed myself to get buzzed by drinking wine too fast on a nearly empty stomach and I rejected Vodka - it simply doesn't excite my tongue enough to bother with it. I'll stick with my wine, cognac and smooth, hot-n-sexy liqueurs please! I've been made to walk, seriously walk in my completely-inadequate-for-walking sandals just because that's what we do when we are together (reference to bosom pal M). I've talked and talked till my vocal chords ached - I've giggled and chuckled and laughed over men, love and life...I realised that I've finally put my biggest mistake behind me. That chapter is closed. Finally. I finally gave into my urge to shop and indulge in retail therapy when I walked into Landmark, the awesome bookstore I've heard so much about, and bought books and music after many months. I followed that up, by picking up a sexy pair of trousers and a tee, when I was out helping a friend shop! Hehe!I got my hair chopped off - yes quite drastic this time. Actually short - shorter than it has ever been!!! I exchanged a crazy number of text messages and talked for quite a long time with friends back in the hamlet, all the time agonising over how my carefully maintained balance has been getting screwed with since last month - oh to hell with it, it's worth it!

Humans encountered:- Aristera, my graceful host who can get grumpy and chauvinistic at times and must be pampered but is on the whole one charming, adorable, huggable darling! A, my friend all set to fly off to the land of golden opportunities to pursue those dreams of hers - who I will miss more than I care to admit, even though I've tried hard to teach myself to live without her there everytime I turned around. M, who I have learnt to live without, as long as there are emails and telephones to pull into immediate use when that crazy voice is needed to inject hope back into my system - she still hasn't changed a bit! Extempore, the only friend outside the inner circle I deigned to meet (Muhaha!) - it felt good to indulge in some intellectual (ahem) conversation with her over Vodka, liqueur, pizza and Sex and the City! Got introduced to V, about whom I've heard plenty - now that I know that there is one nice person in that gang, I'm waiting to meet the others! (Hint hint)

....and then I sped back once again to reality, over an expressway that couldn't get more sublimely sexy. If I ached for some romance when I was swinging and looking out at the rain-drenched city, my yearnings for it were ten-fold as I gazed out of my window at the lush-green hills and the silvery cascades gushing down the hillsides as the bus cut through a fine misty fog that gently covered the ghats. Reality met me in the face of a pick-up from the bus-stop by AR(yes I'm very pampered these days - sue me for it!), followed by a quick-stop at work, non-stop class for 5 hours and a surprise birthday party for a senior colleague (professor) at AFP who turned 60 yesterday - my first work-party and was it the greatest fun! ;-) Good company coupled with wine, vodka, food and conversation! This morning brought with it work and freaking real issues to be faced and dealt with once again! Phew - oh well, the break has me energised enough to tackle life anew!

Current Book:- The Girl From The Chartreuse - Pierre Péju
Current Music:- Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper, I'll be There for You - The Rembrandts, Ain't No Mountain High Enough - Marvin Gaye, Footloose - Kenny Loggins(thanks AR for burning that last CD for me)
Current Mood:- Wickedly Morose and Indifferent.

Home

Misty roads led to the place where the heart is happiest - they said I'd take forever. I was home within three hours.

It's the sexiest weather. The skies are gloriously overcast. It's raining - pouring infact. From my vantage point in the swinging basket all I can see are trees beding under the onslaught of the showers. It's divine really. Sublime.

Last night was a fun-fun-fun night after oh-so-long. There was wine, cuisine par excellence at Cafe Basilico, good conversation (even girl-talk and guy-talk!) and friends. Happy - that's what I was last night. Just happy. The wine, I think, helped, but in general there was happiness in the air. Home in the rains, with my closest friends for company - little more could I ask for. Kept questioning it - it's been so long since I felt this carefree and happy. Happy. Yes I know I keep saying it...sssshhhh!

Strangely enough the overcast skies seem to have cast a shadow on my mood this morning...it's true I think, question happiness and you aren't happy any more!

On a happier note, though, am here for atleast two more days. Two crazy, fun-filled days I hope - am sure the mood will improve...and the downpour just got crazier!

Voila...

Current Music Addictions : I Wish I Was A Punk-rocker - Sandy Thom , Crazy - Gnarl's Barkeley

Mellow...

Sitting by the balcony, a lazy breeze wafting in through the doors left wide open, the scent of Ceylonese mint tea par excellence meandering its way upto my nostrils, I can't help but let my mind drift and generally take stock of things. The first-half of the year, has by any standards been one crazy roller-coaster ride, each new development taking me by surprise, good or bad.
The other day I was chatting with a close buddy away in the land of golden opportnities since a month (he objects to my flagrant disrespect of people's privacy on my blog, so I shall restrain from naming him) and it struck me on just how much has happened this month. There were the days of sheer workoholicism and there are the days of sheer idleness and daily vellagiri. I've met someone of whom I'm strangely fond. I've been at the receiving end of very flattering attention, which has made me question its source and wonder why it couldn't have been more appropriate. I've felt lost, lonely and anchorless. I've learnt how to battle my demons with greater efficacy than ever before - and yes I think I'm slowly learning to talk about them as well...i.e talk when it matters, not when the demons have been temporarily slayed! I've dealt with work-place politics and discovered that I'm quite my father's daughter in dealing with such things - something that not only reassured me but also filled me with pride. Incidentally I do believe that the winds of change have started blowing and the work-place should soon become more than just a professional stop, with the general atmosphere improving vastly because of certain developments.

Prem Joshua is playing on Papa's laptop as I type this - and strangely enough for the second time in two days I'm itching to write again, after more than a year. Speaking of music, I never got around to talking about the two concerts I attended this month, both organised by AFP as a part of the Fête de la Musique celebrations - for the uninformed, the Fête, is celebrated every year in France on the 21st June (summer solstice) since 1985. Started off by Jacques Lang, it basically is a celebration of music with concerts held everywhere - on streets, in cafés, in schools, hospitals..even prisons. AFP did its bit, by organising a pre-fête concert of world music and ofcourse the main event on Saturday, albeit a couple of days after "the" day. The world music concert, inappropriately titled Jugalbandi, was quite mindblowing stuff to put it mildly. If not for the sad choice of venue, it would have been one rocking concert - a group of people from vastly different cultural backgrounds came together to make some kick-ass music. For the brief hour or so, I was transplanted to another plane and I remembered why I used to say that Music is my Porn! :-)

The second concert, which Aristera has also spoken about was the main Fête de la musique concert, organised in collaboration with Max Mueller Bhavan Pune. The venue, this time was perfectly divine - a cozy atmosphere at the MMB lawns on a cloudy, monsoon evening. The students and staff of both institutions put up a pretty good show - whether it was the renditions of western classical masterpieces (Beethoven and Mozart) on the piano, or the utterly charming pocket choir, or the rocking performances by the AFP students and faculty - nothing like a good musical evening eh?

La Vie, Cest Une Salope!

Ah oui, ça c'est vrai. Life is so totally one rocking and completely unpredictable bitch. Ok, why am I saying something of this sort - ain't I supposed to be feminist incarnate? Even my students think so now...jesus, pray tell me what vibes I emanate that people who barely know me merrily label me feminist and manage to find enough supporting evidence for it as well! Ok digressing...so yeah, perhaps life ain't a bitch, but it sure as hell is anything but a smooth ride.
It's been one insane week - have gone from working 7 days a week, to working only weekends - I'm busier on weekends now, having accepted to take on the new kids course for the school session, but haven't a single class during the week. The whole idea of all those many idle hours has all but driven me up the wall in despair - free time is something I have come to fear, for it means too much time to think, and I fear my thoughts. Alot. So, after relaxing and restoring my energy levels for a fortnight, I intend to start exploring options - if Geetanjali can't teach, she will study. :-)

I've experienced one crazy gamut of emotions in this one short week - have gone from content and satisfied to worried sick, from exhilarated to down-right depressed, from wickedly naughty and cheeky to plain prosaic and as dull and lifeless as I could get, have given vent to pent-up emotions and exercised an iron-control over them - wondering if I've let something get out of control and hoping it doesn't blow up in my face as last night did! The whole week sure took it's toll on me. By Saturday night I was oh-so-close to exploding, and this with best buddy in town and sudden plans to hit the town (instead of the quiet dinner I'd planned and hope for) with people I didn't want witnessing me at my nastiest, weakest best when all I want to do is lash out blindly and hurt someone just as much as I am hurting inside. Boy, was my head a cauldron of wild emotions last night - still amazed at how I survived the night!

A quieter Sunday has restored the calm and peace inside me - merci bon dieu. Class was great fun today - I'd never imagined that I'd get such pleasure from teaching, and it continues to amaze me with it's healing powers. It sure as hell works wonders for my messed up brain! Followed up class with a quiet half-n-hour by myself (after oh-so-long) sipping cappucino and reading Greek plays, till friend joined me...had a nice, lazy lunch that left me satiated and lazier. Sunday siesta after a long long time - it's been a nice, lazy Sunday and much as I'd like to follow it up with a nicer, lazier Monday there are things that must be taken care of as soon as possible.

Current Music :- Donna Summer - Hot Stuff, This Time I Know It's For Real. Go West - King of Wishful Thinking, Faithful Retro Music Rocks! :-)

Current Book :- Still reading Euripedes' plays - slower progress this time, but satisfying nevertheless.