Naskhutiya Saal?

I've officially declared this year Naskhutiya (Bambaiyya slang for unlucky) as far as personal lives are concerned - everywhere I look people are struggling with their personal lives, trying desperately to cross the innumerable hurdles that are cropping up around every corner. Professionally, things seem to be falling into place but it all seems inconsequential in light of the personal problems.

OK that's it the horoscope for 2006. That will be Rs.1000/- please!

No, seriously, it's strange...I've been observing the lives of my friends, acquaintances and colleagues and am increasingly horrified at how things are going wrong in everyone's personal lives. This monday I arrived at work to discover that a colleague (my age) lost her father and grandmother to heart-attack within a span of two hours. No previous history. No complaints in the recent past. Nothing at all to prepare the family for the brutal shock. She didn't know about Papa - neither did the other colleague who broke the news to me. It goes without saying that I was shaken terribly - took me a while to recompose myself. Visited her, ofcourse - couldn't bring myself to dole out the usual platitudes, because I know that those are just words. I hope she surfaces the tragedy stronger.

Continuing on the naskhutiya note - I had a small accident of sorts. We'd gone for dinner last Sunday - a lovely roof-top restaurant on M.G Road that took me back to my Udaipur trip with Kunu Baba, when we ate at all these delightful roof-top restaurants. On our way down, I slipped on a broken step - my first thought was of my back, which I've injured on previous occassions and due to which I suffer intermittently. So, I twisted and fell on my left arm. It swelled up within minutes and developed a rather ugly colour - was scared I'd factured it, but luckily it was only a bruise. A painful bruise that required a crepe bandage for several days, but just a bruise!
- Actually considering my tendency to fall and get into minor accidents of the sort, that can't be attributed to the naskhutiya quality of the year!

On a different note, it's been a busy week - busy, but good. The teaching can be frustrating at times, when faced with a unresponsive class that refuses to use of their limited grey cells, but on the whole challenging and thus exciting. I'm enjoying it more and more, despite having one semi-dead batch. Ironically, the weekend batch - the one with the professionals who might have had problems with a young professor - is proving to be a far more enthusiastic and fun group! Looking forward to another busy week - busier with rendezvous with friends and perhaps even a visit from a bumchum pal.

Current pick-me-up music for mornings - 80s music. It rocks any time, every time. Modern Talkies - Kylie Minogue - Madonna - Milli Vanilli - AHA - Baltimore Boys - Laura Branigan...

Current mood - Naughty, mischievous. Light. Carefree.

(PS Pune had it's first showers of the season this evening - it's lovely. A cool breeze is wafting through the windows, bringing with it the delightful perfume of the freshly wettened earth. The sultry summer evening has been transformed into a pleasant evening within a few instants.)

Public Secrets - II

Whenever I go over a speed-breaker, I go "Whoopie" no matter what the speed of the vehicle - 20 or 120. It's a habit that dates back to sitting on the back-seat of the school bus and going up in air every time we hit a speed breaker and it's stuck till date. Child-like, yes, but fun as well. It usually succeeds in breaking the frown on my face and turning it into a smile - and makes others smile as well.


Accomplishments of the weekend :- Got back to Lady Oracle and finished it in one afternoon's sitting! Me thinks me's getting back on the reading front - *crosses fingers tight*
Accomplishment of the day :- Actually sat and worked with a dictionary for nearly 2 hours! That's the nerdy me surfacing - nerdy and freaking serious about doing a good job of teaching french!

Current Music:- Who Says You Can't Go Home - Bon Jovi

Current Book:- Short Stories by Thomas Hardy (Don't ask why I'm reading this soporific author)

Website Update:- Phoenix Mecano India - Papa's dream stand tall even though he ain't here any more to see it. Bhaiyya's been working on the website for a while - it's finally up to be visited!

Tell Me Why...

Tell me why life is so damn complicated...
Tell me why the good days seem like a distant memory...
Tell me why despite knowing the power of the word, I keep saying the wrong thing all the time these days and hurting others...
Tell me why my best intentions to help are constantly being misunderstood these days...
Tell me why my efforts to joke either fall flat or end up being more mood-damaging than mood-lifting...
Tell me why my friends won't respond to the plea in my voice when I ask them when they will drag their asses to Pune...
Tell me why my friend no longer calls me a friend. For the first time in five years I didn't lift the phone to dial a number and sing out Happy Birthday in my discordant voice - can't believe that someone who I cherished as much as the closest of my friends chose to shut me out so abruptly. Can't believe I no longer have the right to think of the said person as a friend. Can't believe I was so wrong in my judgement...

Yaar aaj kal bure din chal rahe hain, as far as personal life is concerned...

Public Secrets - I

I talk in gibberish. Absolute gibberish...something to the tune of "higdi-pigdi, kemba la kemba?" and expect you to understand. I haven't received an apt reply as yet, though my 10 month old nephew usually thinks it's something profound and generally responds in a similar lingo. Similar but not the same! ;-)


Weekly update : One inauguration event. Traumatic yet fulfilling. Immensely proud of Papa - his dream stands tall and proud today. Hats off to you Papa - you rock. Totally. Got a new phone the same day - as payment for the two glass paintings.
Flap phone - NOKIA. As usual don't know the model number; who cares about it anyway? The damn phone works and the battery doesn't die within 10 seconds of talktime - that's all I'm interested in! LOL!
Working like crazy - Papa would be proud of me. Bloody hell am now going to be working 7 days a week!!! And oh yes, how could I forget? Finally teaching the regular courses (Forum 1A), something for which I've been patiently waiting and waging a silent, stubborn war, for quite some time now! Strangely there was no feeling of acomplishment or excitement on the first day - hmmmm....
Need to get my hair cut, it's a straggly mess. Need to get a facial - my face desperately needs pampering after all it suffers in Pune's hot polluted environment. Need to go shop for new clothes, specially denims - my old jeans have paint on them! Running short of time all the time - need to organise myself.
Dead. Tired. Weak. Coming down with a cold, throat is already f***ed, brain's shutting down bit by bit - and I think I'm taking two new courses from tomorrow! The week ahead looms large in front of me...

Current Music - Hips Don't Lie - Shakira
Current Book - French notes, Tandem 1, Alex et Zoe 1 - I need serious help in this department! ;-)

...

"...A lot of nice things turn bad out there,Oh baby, baby, it’s a wild world..."

Remember this particular song by Mr.Big? I've been humming it since a few days now. It's a little out of context this song, but I'm not humming it so much for what it says than to keep the thoughts at bay - thoughts that pull me down and make me want to give up. I want Papa so desperately - it's so unfair. Why did he have to leave us? I miss him so much these days - who ever said it's easier as the days go by didn't know what he was talking about. It just gets so much tougher. Been pushing myself to the limits, running myself tired just so I don't dwell on his absence. It doesn't work. A single moment alone, a single idle moment and the tears well up threatening to pour over irrespective of where I am or who I am with...

Tired.
Lonely. So lonely. Conversations don't help. Crowds I don't like.
Missing you...why won't you talk to me?

Dog-tired...

It was another busy week - the heat is sapping all my energy making it so much more difficult to deal with everything. It's also made my students restless and apathetic towards all activities except for "Pendu" a.k.a Hangman.

I'd planned a nice lazy weekend, but it was not to be. The first painting was appreciated alot - since it looked rather forlorn amidst all the plain windows, I was asked to make another one. Short notice this time, but it's ready to be sent to the factory tomorrow morning. I'm not as happy with this one - the heat made working without the fan unbearable, making me irritable and eager to finish the painting as soon as I could. Opted for an easier, simpler design this time, putting in just enough effort to ensure that it would be an appropriate companion for the first painting. Tons of other work also had to be done - a "fiche pédagogique" to be made as a last assignment for my "formation pédagogique" (teacher training), a report about the formation, papers to be assessed, test papers to be set, lessons to be planned for the upcoming week. It's the last week of the first part of the summer session - which means alot of activities need to be planned, to revise all that we've done so far and keep the interest alive so they want to continue into the second level. Gave Schnapps a bath. Spent two long hours with the plants again this morning - from 6 o'clock till breakfast time. Pulled out weeds, trimmed plants, added fertilisers, sprayed pesticides, re-arranged the pots, cleaned the balcony. It felt good to see the plants gently swaying in the early morning breeze, almost as if they were happy with the attention they were getting. On the other hand, my index finger of my left hand has been rendered useless after a thorn from the rose plant went through :-(

Have been listening to love songs all weekend, having stumbled upon a new channel on World Space, apart from my usual RFI and Spin (Top 40) - Amore plays only love songs 24/7. Heard so many of my old favourites after such a long time - the volume kept going up after every third song!

I have been mulling over the genre of children's literature for a while now - wanted to go into details, but till that happens, there's something to start off with on Literary Mosaic and France Say about fairy tales.

Current Song - Bed of Roses by Bon Jovi
Current Mood/Colour - Grey, a washed out dull grey.

The Week-end Ends...

It’s been a terribly busy week-end – it was supposed to be a long weekend, what with the Labour Day and/or Maharashtra Day falling on Monday. But I barely realized when it flew past me and here I am once again on the threshold of a new week.

I slaved over a gigantic stain glass painting throughout Sunday – 36 inches by 46 inches. It was something I promised my father for his office – am living upto the promise with the new MD’s encouragement. He wanted an abstract design as opposed to my usual floral designs. Not the easiest task at the outset, but as usual the process of creating something beautiful took me by storm and I was lost in the process within minutes of setting the outline tube to the glass. It’s come out magnificent – warm, glowing colours, a design that can be interpreted in light of the company’s growth/progress. Papa would have liked it. I wish he were here to give me that assuring smile of approval – have been missing him so much this last one week.

Oft in the past two months have people praised my apparently “exemplary” behaviour and my strength. I don’t know what exactly they meant by it, since I saw no other way to be than the way I have been…for that matter I don’t even know if they meant what they said, having heard a lot of empty promises in this duration. For the past one week the effort to be strong, to be calm and composed has been getting to me and draining me out much more than the physical effort going into any work. Have spent much time under the shower crying my heart out, but there seems to be no end to the tears. I would like nothing better than to just let go. I don’t want to think about other’s problems, I definitely don’t want to pamper anyone else – If only… but then if wishes were horses…

Spent quite some time in our mini-garden this morning – digging up the soil in the plants and putting in the fertilizers and manure. Got my finger-nails disgustingly dirty –though not more than I did yesterday. At least today I didn’t have to use turpentine to get my hands clean. ;-) Once the plants were satisfied with the attention, I moved into the kitchen – making it a practice to indulge in a weekly cleaning and cooking session. Once a week I dust and clean the house properly, working up a very good sweat…and then follow it up by several hours in the kitchen whipping up something I enjoy eating. Well, so do the others, or so I say ;-)

Ah well, the weekend’s nearly over and there’s still work to be done. Let’s hope I can actually rest next weekend…

Question of the day : they say love is blind – I don’t know about that, but pray tell me why love makes people blind to what others are going through?

Realisation of the year : Never put anyone on a pedestal – after having done this several times, I’ve realized that when the said person falls from grace, the fall doesn’t hurt the person as much as it does oneself.