Pondering Away

So I'm sitting here and thinking, why do people have to be so bloody annoying? They come into your lives, unsettle you, then just get up and leave with not so much as an explanation!
Then I say, hey you've done it at times.
But those people were so annoying, I couldn't tolerate them anymore. If I did, I'd end up scratching their faces or something catty. Better bitchy than catty, right?
Ouch...does that mean I'm as annoying? So where do I place the blame - on the other or me?
*Frown*
Ideally I ought to take the blame, but that screws up my self-esteem and confidence - you know that stuff is real important in order to survive in this big bad world - so I figure it's because the person didn't bother to get to know me, the real me, behind this facade of flighty, vagueness.
That makes me feel better -Incipient little idiot! Just a non-entity!!
Aha...I feel a sense of calm float down onto my shoulders. Nice. Think I'll go admire the rainy evening, take a walk or something.


I think I should do some meditation. I hear it helps to calm down people with urges to scream, bouts of uncontrollable rage that they have to suppress, which leads to a volcanic situation. A friend says it helps. Mayhaps I should give it a shot, coz rage curdles inside me all the time.
Speaking of Friends, I have a fine lot you know. Very nice people. Like me - Nice. Multifaceted too. Like me. And they stick by me - have done so for aeons now, through my insanities et al!
At times like this when I realise how much they have supported me, how much they mean to me, I send up a quick prayer of thanks to God. I didn't much believe in prayers either you know. I thought of it as a way of blackmailing God. Be True To Yourself I'd say, That's Enough. If He Exists, he will come to your aid when you need Him. Then in my feminist phase I said is He a He? Why not a She?
Then my mother was in the hospital. And I needed Him to fix things. The doctors would do their bit, but someone had to make sure they didn't mess up, right? Who else but Him or Her? Who cared about the gender then!
So I'd pray. Go to temples. Believe.
I don't visit the temple anymore. I feel you should do so only when there is a depth of feeling inside you that urges you to go there, not out of habit or routine. But I pray. Every once in a while I thank Him (or Her) for what I have.
Thank Ye!!!