Back from Delhi and still trying to get back into routine - it's wierd, I slipped back into my usual routine within a day when I got back from from Germany after three months of more-or-less independant living, different lifestyle, not to mention quite a bit of traveling in the last three weeks of my stay there. But a week away from home unsettles me much more and I end up taking nearly two-three days to settle down...and while I'm doing that I indulge in an array of melancholic thoughts that inevitably lead the way to introspection, self-questioning and sometimes downright depression as I wonder where I'm headed.
In Delhi, my uncle who's been an astrologer ever since he retired as a Principal of an Engineering college, told me that I have a very stubborn personality and once I have a particular vision in my head I refuse to veer from my path, no matter how many other opportunities are thrown my way and no matter how good and enticing they may be. I hated to admit it to him, but he was so right - I've been indulging in exactly that for the past six months and I sometimes wonder at my wisdom in these actions. Yet I know I would never be happy doing any of those things that came my way - and I simply refuse to settle for something I haven't wanted/planned for. A bit too early in life to compromising on dreams, isn't it?
Questioning, endless questioning. Does it really bring us any answers? And if it does, are we really satisfied with the answers we get? Sometimes I think if we just stopped looking so desperately for these answers that we seem to be perennially seeking, if we simply paused in this relentless quest for the meaning in our life, and just "be", we'd probably find the answers have always been right there.
Faced with a dilemma once again. Disappointed once again by a friend, in whom I put in way too much faith way too soon. Why do I set myself up for the fall each time? I thought I'd learnt the lesson the last time. But, no, I didn't. So who do I blame?
Yet another question.
I need to read something invigorating and exciting - the two books I'm crawling through aren't doing anything to excite my grey cells - Foucault's Pendulum by Umberto Eco and The Way of All Flesh by Samuel Butler.
Gwen Stephanie's "Holla Back Girl" - I liketh! Very cool, very danceable number! Need to find a bakra who will download some songs for me, or else go on a major music-shopping spree. Wonder which will happen first?
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I remember buying Foucalt's Pendulum while I was in school, remember struggling though the inital chapters but don't remember finishing it or even enjoying it. perhaps i bought it at the wrong time in my life.
You are crawling through Foucault's pendulum?!! It is one of the best books I've ever read. Ok..it is a little dense and cryptic initially but once you really get into it it is one hell of a ride. I couldnt put the book down after a while. In fact I liked it much more than his more well known 'The Name of a Rose' because of its faster pacing and contemporary seting. Hold on to it...I'm sure your perseverence will be amply rewarded!
I don't know foucault, but i have gwen stefani and hollaback girl. That said, and my precious ego restored, yeah, we question too much. As you've already figured that I figured, but how the hell dyou stop questioning? It'll be easier for me to stop smoking than stop questioning. But everytime I question, I hate myself for going into the panicky madness that happens after that. It freaks me out. And I don't know what to say about the atrologer uncle. Most astrologers look at my hand, shake their heads and just flat refuse to tell me. Maybe I'll die early or something. Sheh. Except my mami's father, who used to be pretty renowned but now is senile. He told me once I'll get a 61.33% in my 10th board and ruined the next two months for my mom. Anyway. I got an 80. So there. Boo to astrologers.
I don't know foucault, but i have gwen stefani and hollaback girl. That said, and my precious ego restored, yeah, we question too much. As you've already figured that I figured, but how the hell dyou stop questioning? It'll be easier for me to stop smoking than stop questioning. But everytime I question, I hate myself for going into the panicky madness that happens after that. It freaks me out. And I don't know what to say about the atrologer uncle. Most astrologers look at my hand, shake their heads and just flat refuse to tell me. Maybe I'll die early or something. Sheh. Except my mami's father, who used to be pretty renowned but now is senile. He told me once I'll get a 61.33% in my 10th board and ruined the next two months for my mom. Anyway. I got an 80. So there. Boo to astrologers.
Gulnaz - Ah yes, sometimes I think it's the timing that makes a difference. The first time I picked up, say Wuthering Heights, for eg, I couldn't figure out what was so great about it. I was all of 10 years ;-) A few years later, I saw the genius behind the book!
Anil - Yeah I think it's probably that and the fact that I'm very lethargic these days and have to force myself to read - I actually picked up the book, coz I thought it sounded interesting and would be one of those "can't put down till you finish" books! Amen to the hope that I gain speed soon and finish reading it.
Phal - You haven't even heard of THE foucault's pendulum? (shocked!) LOL - just kidding! ;-)
As for astrologers, I don't have much faith in them myself. But since this is my phuphaji is question you kinda have to listen to him when he decides to tell you something. Since he's been uncannily right abt stuff in big bro's life, I prefer him not telling me much abt the 'future' - I think knowing these things sometimes dictates your actions subconsciously...
Anyways to each his own. For me, it's good tp :-)
1/You’re stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be?
2/Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
3/The last book you bought is:
4/What are you currently reading?
5/Five books you would take to a deserted island:
6/Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons) and why?
some questions are best answered with questions!
am choked up - gurgawa had storms????!!! frikkin bbay only has sunshine and MORE sunshine! phew!
:(
by de way, i haven't read the foucalt book, either, but then, i don't think i was ever the target audience! lol.
so, hope uve settled down by now, and given melancholia the heave-ho!
..sigh.... M-block... *happy grin in memory*
i echo your thoughts. i used to be surprised at why on earth wouldn't i learn my lesson; with time that sense of surprise has gone, and i just realise that learning is just such a huge illusion.people never ever learn.anything.( or at least the more important things)
ah, the cynicism!
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