Been meaning to blog on this every since my last blog – actually I had to restrain myself from publishing this last time, because I didn’t want it to seem like a deluge. Ironically I’ve not blogged for days since then – was very phased out and couldn’t get my thoughts organized. Why? Partly the same old bug of loneliness that makes me downright miserable and yearn to turn to clock back to nicer days. Add to that, what seems like viral fever – nursed mind-numbing headaches, weakness and throat-ache, battled against fever, and had sinus and this awful taste in my mouth through-out. With my whole “anti-medicines” attitude I took longer to get back on track – any other person would have popped a few antibiotics and been hopping around in 2 days. Me? Heheh – I prolong the torture by resisting medication! Stubborn mule? Yeps I know I’m one :-)
Anyways as usual I’ve digressed – damn I could give Thomas Hardy a run for his money in the art of digressing – muhahaha!
Earlier this week when I blogged about the whole issue of women being raped/molested, a related subject was burning in my mind. It came up in a conversation and got me thinking –
We were talking in general about friendships between opposite sexes. I’m fortunate enough to share some great friendships like that; infact one of my closest friends is a guy, and I’ve never ever felt remotely uncomfortable in the presence of any of my male friends. Not everybody has that luck, it seems.
Anyways we drifted into a different aspect of male-female relationships. Here’s a hint – it’s a hot favourite with our Hindi soap-operas! The much discussed, dreaded extra-marital affair! Unacceptable, was my take on it. How could you possibly accept infidelity in your partner? Knowing he’s been with another woman even while he has taken the vows to be yours and your alone, not just in this lifetime, but in the next few lifetimes as well. How is it possible to trust that person ever again and continue to love him? For me, the question of straying just doesn’t arise. I know, I can’t even think of another man – I don’t need to be married to him to feel this way. Love is not something that happens with just anyone. When it does happen, it’s for a lifetime. I know some people say that sometimes love dies – well if it does, you should break it off immediately. Why lie and seek love behind your spouse’s back?
The person I was talking to felt that you have to give him a second chance – marriage is for keeps, and she felt that you have to try and fix things that could go wrong. She did – and she used her experience to show how things that look bad can turn around completely. That you can build a relationship again. That weak foundations can be strengthened. That you can’t just give up so easily. If you love the person, you should want to fight for him – what I don’t get is – why should you have to “fight” for him? Shouldn’t he “be” yours? I mean for chrissake, doesn’t the fact that you’ve chosen each other mean something?
God forbid I ever have to face such a situation – knowing me, I’d be devastated. The thought of it sends chill down my spine – *shudder* Give me any amount of travails otherwise, but not infidelity in the man I love. Amen.
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6 comments:
Geeta,
I dont know if you understand the difference between X and Y chromosomes.The fact that somebody loves you so much can actually give you some confidence that some one night stands like these could be tolerated.I mean to say that somebody you sleep around with occasionally (meaning twice or thrice in your life) cannot be taken as a cue that he does not love his spouse.Its the way we our genetic makeup is.(I dont know a better excuse)
I dont mean to support infidelity in the terms that you seek out somebody constantly for whatever reasons.That to me is a symptom of Infidelity where I agree with you.
The situation I am trying to explain is that men occasionally get lured into situations (chemical additives help in this cause) where love has nothing to do with instantaneous lust and I plead you to draw a distinction between both. Do you want to lose somebody who probably loves you for one momentary lapse of reason? I am not sure somebody sensible ought to do that.You dont wanna be a strict headmaster kind that says "This beating will continue until morale improves"
BTW on a different front I like your blogs and added a link to yours from mine.I hope thats okay with you.
Eh - should have known a man would justify a one-night stand ;-)
Well frankly I wasn't talking of a one-night stand, as much as a long-term affair. Standing where I am right now, outside the situation, both seem unacceptable. But as I said god forbid I have to face either situation - I can't say what I'll do. Not now. Coz you never know what turn life is going to take. I can only hope I never have to compromise for love.
Thx for adding me to the blogs you browse. :)
Gee...You have a wise head on those shoulders.You are right.Being outside of this myself I too cant say anything about what turns could life make. On the other hand we could see situations like "Disclosure" or more recently "Hyderabad Blues 2" show that in the final moment if your mind doesnt agree you wouldnt continue despite the temptation.I belive thats possible too.(Ayn Rand has a nice write-up of this coming from Rearden's mount on this subject where he has an affair with Dagny because his wife is so..you know if you read "Atlas Shrugged."
Thanks for the nice discussion.
Heh heh . Let's make that 'two stubborn fools, err I mean mules' ;) Hope you're feeling better muchly! Did you contact Dr.B? I totally forgot to give you my new cell number... I attribute that to certain issues or errm people who have been crowding out all other thoughts...
Hee, I've been watching "Hum Aapke Hain Kaun" to 'cheer' me up.
madusa
i think its not a gender thing. its basic principles (or the lack of it). a one time slip must be pardoned (my point of view)...i think the most important thing we miss out these days is the "SANCTITY" of a relationship. lets not throw it away for a slip by the partner. now do not think i m propagating infidelity. far frm it. i m absolutely against it. but i m more for the sanctity of the relationship. if it can b salvaged w/o compromising ones dignity...then it must. n wut is this new age thing bout compatibility? if one is married/commited to someone, then the FUCKING IDIOT (of either sex) does not hv the 'luxury' of realizing it later tht they r not 'compatible'. too much new age jargon is really bad. i may sound very traditional. but, if u commit, u need to stick to it. thru thick n thin. or else, is there any difference between animals and people?
-k.s
This is a very 'real' issue and not just a soap-opera fav but a real life fav too. When I was younger I too had very definite, b/w ideas of 'shoulds' and 'shouldn'ts'; life unfortunately isn't so simple, not to mention the fact that there are no straight forward heros or villians and neither is it gender based with both men and women getting lost in the no-man's land of affairs where both the parties suffer. Those who betray(usually if not always are your avg. everyday good people too, who do it for whatever reasons and consequently bear the guilt) and those who are betrayed. Nobody escapes. Everybody suffers and there are no easy answers. But an affair is usually symptomatic of something more deeper in a relationship and THAT is what needs to be worked upon, rather than indulging in a blame game which does neither of the parties any good. I am not condoning it, merely pointing to the fact that there are no pat answers, no pat labelisations are right either. Sorry I rambled I guess...
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