Being Twenty-Something

"They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.

One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook-ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out...maybe it will help to think that you aren't alone in this state of confusion...

GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF US. " - Anonymous

- I received this forward a few years ago, when I'd just turned twenty and found it amazingly "spot-on" in its content...an ex-classmate from college sent it again today - and as I read it, I was struck by how many of the things mentioned have been experienced by me, and even catalogued in this very blog. Simply had to post it!

Amused & Bemused

A classmate remarked on my appearance today, leaving me amused, not to mention bemused!!

"You are looking very Indian today"
- Eh? So normally I look like a....??? LOL!!

Current mood :- Very very nostalgic about my stay in Germany last year -October, November and December (the month I travelled to Sweden and France) - I soooooooo wanna go back to France...not to mention Magdeburg. I've been thinking about our apartment, the route to REAL/Karstadt, the trams, all those soirees with Annika...hope I can go back one day - preferably soon! :-)

The Spread of English or the Death of Native Languages

The British Council Library organised a series lectures by David Crystal, world-renowned linguist who's publications include Cambridge Encyclopaedia of English. Unfortunately I didn't know about the lecture in Pune in advance, so I couldn't go attend it...ICK! I really should get that BCL membership, being too lazy...anyways found these articles in the TOI reporting his lectures in Delhi and Pune :-

The world'll speak in Hinglish'

'One language is dying every two weeks'

They are worth reading - what he says about the spread of English and it's impact on world languages is highly pertinent and something that we should all be conscious of, since our generation is after all the generation that speaks a very hybridised language most of the time, and is losing touch with "Indian realities" in terms of language and culture very very fast...

Ranting, Raving, Raging

Tempers are flaring in class as the mess with our course schedule & exam schedule gets worse – so now the Director wants us to have our written exam also to be held in end Oct. Ofcourse people have problems – while the Director is right when he says that the long gap will affect our performance, I find it extremely annoying that the institution is acting in such a hap-hazard confused manner. It’s unfair to ask students to adjust because a new exam schedule has to be made – no official institution should be changing the schedule, just because a professor has to go elsewhere for work….a replacement should be arranged. When students signed up for the course they assumed that the exams would be in December – moving it upto November was one thing, but to move it upto Oct and then blatantly ask people to re-arrange things that they have planned and oragnised 3 months ago is highly unjust, unprofessional and unethical, in my opinion. And if you’re falling short of teachers – hire new ones damn it – AF doesn’t fall under the awful government bureaucracy that prevents them from hiring teachers easily…

Yesterday I could feel the difference in the ways the AF-Pune and AF-Bombay are run, more than ever before…I felt like telling my professor that THIS is why Bombay is a better city – this kind of unprofessional behaviour would never be seen in AF-Bombay. Schedules once fixed are not screwed around with.

Now you wonder why I’m up in arms about all this – I have no plans for Oct – I can give the exam as easily in Oct, as Nov or Dec…Heh…I’m just falling back on an old habit of taking up for classmates and crusading for their cause. I so hate it when people say “We can’t make adjustments for one or two people – you have to think of the good of the whole group” – yes, you do…but if you really mean that, then you wouldn’t mess up in the first place, would you? Hypocrites – banish them from the surface of the earth please!

Phew…I raged about this yesterday in class and later at home, while cooking up a meal for my dear brother, who’s been pining for an “English dinner” (read – no roti, sabzi, dal, chawal – but stuff that I cook!)…Ma got quite fed-up of me banging utensils around and hearing me rant and rave…Hahaha…but the catharsis sure feels good.

On a different note – Papa had accidentally broken the bottle of wine I’d bought in Bordeaux and was saving for a special occasion, when we’d just shifted into this place…I was really upset with him and didn’t speak to him for several days…the darling that he is, he asked his Boss, Dr Metzger to get 2 bottles of French red wine for me. And...the nice man that Dr.M is, he picked up pretty good wines – Provencal and Sauvignon…

Ok Papa I take back all those nasty things I said that day – you still are the bestest father in the whole universe!!!! :-)

R.I.P

In the last one month we’ve lost several great people, who have shaped the way culture is as we say it today – world culture and Indian culture…

Christopher Reeves – Superman – passed away 2 days ago, after a long struggle against the paralysis that had confined him to a wheelchair and forced him to survive on a respirator, after a equestrian accident.

Derrida, the founder of the Deconstructionist school of thought (which I studied in MA-II but still don’t under what it is all about!) passed away a few days back in Paris – the man definitely has an enormous impact on philosophy and the way literary texts are analysed today. Even though most of those who profess to understand him don’t really understand anything, he is a person you can NOT be ignorant of, if you’re in the field.

In India, we paid our last respects Mulk Raj Anand, one of the founders of Modern Indian English Literature, Shobha Gurtu who played an influential role in way Indian music developed and Arun Kolatkar, bi-lingual poet of collections of poems such as “Jejuri” and “Kala Ghoda”….

R.I.P

P.S. While on the subject of literature, I couldn’t resist making this small point – as I read about the latest Nobel Laureate, I couldn’t help but think that there is at least one person I know who would want to read “The Piano Teacher” ;-)

Stressed...

Discovered this week that my AF classes for this session are getting over in 2 weeks – our prof has to go to France, so we were having extra sessions in order to wrap up the syllabus before she left…in the process, we’ve wrapped up the syllabus and completed the number of hours well before her departure…so they’ve decided to prepone the exams, since a very long break before exams would obviously effect our performance, specially in the orals. My oral exam is scheduled to be held in the last week of October and the written will be held during the last weekend of November…

When I began the course I thought it's a 6 month course with my exams in end Dec - that moved up to end Nov, and I assumed we'd have classes till the Diwali break, which starts from Nov6th...now suddenly I have to prepare myself for the orals which will be in another 3 weeks...doesn't help that this time one of the examiners will be the Director of AFP and our papers go to France for correction. Ah well, just an exam...so I've been moved into action sooner than I thought...and so the schedule has been moved around...nothing earth-shattering!

Remember my belief :-

Exam is just a letter word - so are "Life" and "F***" both of which are more important!! ;-)

I am a bit upset with the change in schedules though -hopefully the next (and my last level) at AF will start in Jan : Diplome Superieur. If that doesn't go as planned, then my plans for the immediate future are sure going to be screwed up royally...I'll be the dhobi ka kutta, jo na ghar ka hota hai na ghat ka...
*Crossing my fingers tight*

Puzzled...

Ever wondered :

1. Why Indians hardly frequent museums – shouldn’t museum visits be an integral part of every person’s childhood (& parenthood, for that matter), specially considering that as Indians, we pay a measly little sum of Rs.25/- at most museums, and that they are an excellent source of the country’s rich historical background & heritage culture, not to mention an “outing” for the little ones?

2. Why Indians returning from a stay abroad, or NRI’s visiting the “pyaara desh” for a holiday complain about the poor infrastructure, the bad roads, the slums and filth on the streets, the corrupt officials etc etc, when so many times it is there very people who throw every last vestige of basic civic sense out of the window, and carelessly spit on the road, litter the streets with assorted junk, and bribe the local pandu for breaking the signal without blinking an eye?

3. Isn't it time we shrugged off that “Hum to aise hi” tag and started doing something to make maximum use of the endless resources of manpower, natural wealth & culture, instead of merely mouthing inanities about all this at the annual beauty contests? That we started standing up for our own country when someone blithely criticizes it, instead of shame-facedly apologizing for it’s faults?

Hmm…

Ick

Life's not fair - so one of those people I absolutely adore(Amit) is in B'bay for a week (on work) before flying out of the country (again) and I have no hopes of meeting him!!
Ick Ick Ick
I want to go back to B'bay!!

TOI Reports

Two articles in the TOI caught my attention today :-

Frequently Flying to Cancer Zone
( I know plenty of people who fall in the category of frequent flyers - my father used to be one himself, though he didn't fly trans-atlantic often, and this sure made me sit up and take notice....)

Do We Deserve the Taj? - Bachi Karkaria
(The Taj - a monument we are immensely proud of, and which has been the the centre of much discussion recently; whether it was Mayawatiji's plan to build a mall in its background, which my German friends nicknamed 'Aldi Mahal' - sacrilige I tell you - or our lack of efforts to preserve the monument etc etc...we all have read and heard much about it.
Basically, you know what she has to say, but it's the way she says it. The language, the articulation of thoughts, the subtle but effective sarcasm...she actually uses words like 'mofussil'....she kills me! *Chortling with glee!*
The innumerable, annoying adverts on the site take away some of the joy of reading a Karkaria write-up, nevertheless this is one article of hers that you've got to read! Me -I'm cutting it out and saving it!)

Un Mosaique

A mosaic of thoughts & events – that’s what this blog is gonna be…

Spent the weekend translating stuff from English to French – my first assignment – was up till 1.30 am last night finishing it off and by the time I wrapped it up, I was feeling like even my dreams would be in French ! (That didn’t happen mercifully!) I have never used the dictionary as much as I did in the last 3 days – and I couldn’t even curse the copywriter for using such ornate & embellished language, since it was me who wrote the stuff in English also! Or wait, who’s to stop me from cursing? Ha!

I could have finished the work by Sunday evening but Daddy dearest summoned us to his factory in the hills (he’s a workaholic, so don’t be surprised that he was there EVEN on a Sunday!) coz he wanted Bhaiyya to take some photographs – we were supposed to be there for just half-an-hour, but ended up spending over 3 hours there till the work got done. Spent the time exploring the place – it’s huge so I managed to while away quite a lot of time in that. Then took Schnapps out to run around…peered over the walls at the adjoining fields, trying to figure out what it is being grown – could make out tomatoes and brinjals…went back in and tried convincing papa to buy “fresh vegetables” from the farmers and got chased away. LOL! I didn’t give up – I was back a few minutes later with a list of questions about what is being done, why and how – turns out they were making the work-stations for LG Mobile that is apparently going to produce the first GSM phones to be manufactured in India. Since the machines used for this produce a high amount of heat, the tables were also being fitted with exhaust-fans at the back…hmmm…interesting.

Oh btw - I think if I end up with a guy who has a genuine 9-5 kinda job, I won't know what to do with him...am too accustomed to my father & brother staying out of the house for a minimum of 12 hours and want to throw them out of the house when they are on a break of more than 2 days! LOL!

On our way back, it was all dark and I couldn’t make out any of the rolling green countryside dotted with patches of yellow and orange wild flowers, which makes the drive to the factory so pleasant – we stopped for dinner at a restaurant in the IT Park of Hinjewadi. What an experience – the place is obviously very popular with the new breed of highly paid BPO employees and IT consultants and after having sat in a room full of them, I’ve come to this conclusion : high salaries don’t necessarily come packaged with basic etiquette of social behavior. The amount of noise those guys generated – all we wanted to do was gobble our food out and escape into the silence outside!!!

Hmmm....

Was seeing Stewart Little II on *Movies on Saturday night, and noticed something – the NY cabbie, in the scene where the Elder Littles realise their darling Stewart is out in the big bad world and set out to rescue him from the falcon, was an Indian who keeps saying “Okie-dokie, no problem” in the most obnoxious irritating accent. Feeding the stereotypes about Indians in NY????

Also saw the new Brit comedy “Coupling” on *World – BRIT COMEDIES ROCK!!! You can’t miss this one – its outrageously funny and will keep you in splits! I’ve seen it thrice and each time I’m rolling on the floor laughing my ass off! :-)

Currently nostalgic about M*A*S*H* and Karma Chameleon!!!

Bonne Anneversaire....

Yesterday was my "Heppy Bird Day" - one year older, but no less wiser! LOL - feels odd, 23 is an age by which one should have a reasonable idea of which direction one is headed towards..and I'm still weighing my options! Scared of growing up...

The day was quite good, despite the fact that I’m sitting in this town far-away from all my friends. At AF Pune you have to take a cake to class if it’s your birthday – so I baked a huge cake the previous day. Class takes off a light note, and our Prof is persuaded to take on something fun and not stressful. And plus we try our level best to sing “Bonne Anneversaire…” in the right tune!! Hehe…;-)

Plus all those e-cards, SMS and telephone calls made the day as special as it could possibly be. I know I have my share of eccentricities and have driven most of up the wall with my quirks and idiosyncrasies, my stubbornness and my absurd expectations, not to mention the fact that I’ve forgotten to wish many of my friends on their birthday this year– that they still count me as part of their life and remember my birthday means a lot to me! :-)

Phone calls filled my evening – and then we went for dinner. I decided to abandon my usual favourite Mainland China this year and chose La Dolce Vita, having seen a tiny advert for the restaurant in Pune Times, thinking it would be a nice cozy little Italian Restaurant. Nice it was – but definitely not small or cozy. The advert gave no indication of how fancy the place would be – needless to say I loved it! Gourmet dinner, wine, cheese – an absolutely divine ambience – oh yes I loved it! As Bhaiyya commented, “Trust Geetanjali to pick a place like this for dinner – and who else, but her to polish off the cheese platter and the wine!” LOL! Goes without saying that dinner at La Dolce Vita was the icing on the cake for the day! ;-)

At Peace...

Last night the skies opened and it rained and it poured – not just cats and dogs, but the entire animal kingdom! The Gods put up a grand show for us – the clouds thundered noisily and streaks of lightening illuminated the countryside every few minutes. Obviously we didn’t have electricity – actually the power would come and go so often every few minutes, that the invertor decided not too function at all. And eventually we got a bit fed-up of the disco-effect and stuck to plain candle-light! So it was candle-light dinner for a change (and since my brother gets free samples of aromatic candles, the room smelled of citrus mingled with the smells of a storm)…dinner of Kathi Kabab rolls and soup was wrapped up quickly and then everyone decided to retire early since there was nothing else to do…

Far from sleepy, I wandered around the house with a candle in my hand – and all of a sudden remembered the music video “Aa ja re” which featured a ghost walking around town with a candle, singing the haunting melody. Heheh…promptly set off in the direction of the other bedrooms a la Ms. Ghost trying to sing “Aa ja re…mere dilbur aa ja”…freaked everyone out, more by my attempts at singing, than by my ghostly appearance (or lack of!) – hahaha! Fun! Whiled away some more time, sending SMS to friends, but ended up sleeping pretty early, after my candle got extinguished by a gust of wind.

This morning I woke up to a wonderful day – the heavens seemed to have been washed clean with the night’s storm; azure skies greeted me when I drew the curtains apart. A gentle breeze was accompanied by the chirping of birds and the smell of the damp earth (best expressed by “saundhi gandh”). One of those birds visited our balcony and was fluttering around our plants. I took a picture when it rested on the railing for a few minutes. Quite a fascinating bird – it has what I’d call a “pyaazi” colour, a longish sharp beak and the undersides of its wings has a dash of green! Sadly I couldn’t capture that in the photograph.

All this put me in a wonderful mood immediately, and I began the day by listening to the 2 CDs I picked up yesterday – The Essential Billy Joel and Storytellers (18 of the Biggest Hits of All Time). A lazy breakfast of French toast & coffee was followed by a lazy perusal of the Sunday papers…:-)

Now this is what I call a nice weekend!

Random Rambling

So there I was standing under the shower, luxuriating in the feel of the scalding needles of water giving me a wonderfully relaxing back-massage – I was standing in my “stork” position, on one foot (Ekpad-asana position, for those of you who know yoga), as I’m often prone to when I’m thinking – and suddenly the world tilted! My foot slipped and the next thing I knew I was lying on the tiles! I’m not quite sure what happened, but I do know that I hit my head pretty hard on the floor and everything ached like hell for the rest of the day (some of me still hurts!) ….now any normal damsel in distress would have wailed, made some noise about the terrible fall she had, feigned weakness and stayed home that day.

Me?

I sat up, disoriented for a while, yelled at Schnapps who was barking outside the bathroom door like Sherlock Holmes out to solve the mystery of the strange noise emitting from the bathroom, rinsed my hair and then washed my clothes! Ah the joys of having clothes that can’t be put in the washing-machine with the rest of the clothes, because they bleed so much!

Emerging from the bathroom I told mommy dearest that I had a fall; she asked if I want to go to class and I said “Ofcourse, why not?” Later as I sat in the bus and started feeling the beginning of a headache, backache, leg ache (so and so forth) I realized why she had asked me to stay home! Smart, ain’t I? LOL – and the bitch that I am, I thought to myself that if I’d been one of my cousins (I’m being prudent by not naming anyone) I’d have fainted in the bathroom, at the least sprained a few limbs and been carried around and fussed over for atleast a week. Sigh – not my style though. All I do is swallow a Dispirin, continue with the day as planned and blog about my misfortunes!;-) Hahaha!

Thought for the Day :-
Why do women in Indian insist on seeing a “Lady Doctor” when, who they really want to see is a Gynecologist? Is it some kind of miscomprehension on my behalf when I fail to immediately connect a “lady” doctor with a gynecologist? I so fail to comprehend why an educated woman of the 21st century insists on using Victorian euphemisms for such issues. Some of the analogies they come up with are so ludicrous they should be awarded for their ingenuity and creativity!

A Jeremiad

Today was one of those days when just nothing seemed to go right – as if my already escalating feelings of despondence weren’t enough, the bus ride back home turned out to be one of the most annoying I’ve ever had. I’ve said this before and I say it again – I fail to understand why women think there’s no reason to complain if the person leaning heavily against you is another woman! Sorry boss, you violate my privacy irrespective of what sex you are. I do not like to be pushed – so what if you’re a woman? The offense is no less. Argh!!! Consequently, I’ve returned home with a throbbing shoulder, a headache and very little patience left to deal with the morons and irritating vermins of the world. Grrrr…

A few weeks back my friend Kunal was here – he came back with me after my last trip to Bombay & stayed a week. It was so nice having him around, being able to talk him at the end of the day that now the enforced isolation is grating even more. I have never been an extrovert and always found it difficult to strike up a conversation with a stranger or get acquainted with new people; it’s harder at this age than ever before. Friends from childhood may have drastically different temperaments, interests and lifestyles – but they are the people you grew up with. So the differences just seem to fade away when you’re together. Frankly if I were to befriend someone today, the person would have to think on the same wave-length as me, atleast 50% of the time, or else we’ve got to share a great chemistry. Call it a failing in my personality, but I simply can’t get myself to “make friends” with people I meet – just like that. A question I face very often these days : “So have you made any friends yet? There must be people your age in your colony or in class.” It'snever been more difficult to explain that I don’t “make friends” so easily, that I’m not a vibrant, out-going person. *Sigh*

I miss my friends more than ever these days – I always knew that we’d go different ways after graduation/post-graduation, but when the distances grow, and more and more friends seem to live on the other end of the globe, the world seems to become increasingly lonely.

Historical Facts About Ancient & Modern Afrikans

"History dictates that if you do not know your past, then you cannot analyze the present and plan for the future.
History also suggests that correct, historical information empowers a people, while incorrect, a historical albeit mis-information only leads to the powerlessness of a people."

Last year while studying New Literatures in English, we studied the works of several African theorists and authors and I learnt many things about the "Dark Continent" that were previously unknown to me - for instance, till then I hadn't the faintest clue as to why the borders of African countries are so straight as if drawn with a ruler. It's because they were drawn with a ruler - at the Berlin Conference, 1884, when European colonisers sat at a conference table and cold-bloodledly drew lines across the continent, dividing it amongst them, without sparing a second's thought to the havoc they would wreck over tribal communities across the land. It's also the reason why so many of them speak a European language in addition to their native tongue (which also faces the danger of being wiped out)...

Today, while doing a French assignment on "Asterix and Cleopatra" (of all the things) I came across a very interesting site, compiling facts about the Afrikans, most of which were unknown to me. While the entire page is worth reading, these two retained my attention :

• The stark historical reality is that during the B.C. era when the Emperor of Rome, Julius Caesar, had a sexual liaison with the ruler of Kemet (Egypt), Queen Cleopatra VII, a son named Caesarion was born on 23 June 47 B.C. in Kemet as a result of that sexual encounter. However, what is historically vital and relevant is that the birth of this boy child, Caesarion, was not a natural birth. In other words, the High Priests of ancient Kemet had to perform a special surgical procedure to deliver Caesarion; this surgical procedure that the ancient Egyptian High Priests/physicians performed in 47 B.C. to deliver Caesarion is what is called the “Caesarean Section” in modern A.D. medicine today. The ancient Egyptian High Priests named their medical procedure in honor of Caesarion’s father, Caesar.
• The ancient Egyptians had a test for pregnancy. A woman was asked to urinate daily on two cloth bags, one containing emmer (wheat) and the other barley. If both germinated she was said to be pregnant, if neither did, then she was not. It has been known since 1927 that a particular hormone is present in the urine of a pregnant woman and so modern pregnancy tests are based on this ancient Egyptian medical practice. The ancient Egyptian doctors first tested the effect that urine had on grain simply because they associated grain with life and they expected that a woman who was carrying new life would have a spiritual affinity with the grain. They therefore observed then what medical science only knows today that the urine of pregnant women can sometimes cause grain to germinate, whereas that of women who are not pregnant always causes it to wither.

(Courtesy : Historical Facts about ancient & modern Afrikans)

Philistine

Phil·is·tine
n.
1. A member of an Aegean people who settled ancient Philistia around the 12th century B.C.
2. A smug, ignorant, especially middle-class person who is regarded as being indifferent or antagonistic to artistic and cultural values.
3. One who lacks knowledge in a specific area.
adj.
1. Of or relating to ancient Philistia.
2. Often philistine Boorish; barbarous: “our plastic, violent culture, with its philistine tastes and hunger for novelty” (Lloyd Rose).

Etymology:
From Middle English Philistines, Philistines, from Late Latin Philistn, from Greek Philistnoi,
from Hebrew Plitîm, from Pleet Philistia.

It has never been good to be a Philistine. In the Bible Samson, Saul, and David helped bring the Philistines into prominence because they were such prominent opponents. Though the Philistines have long since disappeared, their name has lived on in the Hebrew Scriptures. The English name for them, Philistines, which goes back through Late Latin and Greek to Hebrew, is first found in Middle English, where Philistiens, the ancestor of our word, is recorded in a work composed before 1325. Beginning in the 17th century philistine was used as a common noun, usually in the plural, to refer to various groups considered the enemy, such as literary critics. In Germany in the same century it is said that in a memorial at Jena for a student killed in a town-gown quarrel, the minister preached a sermon from the text “Philister über dir Simson! [The Philistines be upon thee, Samson!],” the words of Delilah to Samson after she attempted to render him powerless before his Philistine enemies. From this usage it is said that German students came to use Philister, the German equivalent of Philistine, to denote nonstudents and hence uncultured or materialistic people. Both usages were picked up in English in the early 19th century.

I spent the entire weekend trying very hard to remember this word - like my dreams and goals, even this word seemed illusive and out of reach. Was quite frustrated and as a result I spent quite a few hours indulging in self-pity and as usual I digressed from the main issue and started wondering how people can be content with mediocrity in life...

This morning I woke up - and the word was there! Right there where it should have been - within reach and easy to access! Hallelujah!!! I'm feeling nicer about myself today - and I think I can wait for a few more years before writing myself off! After all, I have miles to go before I sleep! ;-)

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

We both lie silently still
in the dead of the night
Although we both lie close together
We feel miles apart inside

Was it something I said or something I did
Did the words not come out right
Though I tried not to hurt you
Though I tried
But I guess that's why they say

Chorus:
Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn
Yeah it does

I listen to our favorite songplaying on the radio
Hear the DJ say loves a game
of easy come and easy go
But I wonder does he know
Has he ever felt like this
And I know you'd be here right now
If I could have let you know somehowI guess

Chorus

Though it's been a while now
I can still feel so much pain
Like a knife that cuts you the wound heals
but the scar, that scar remains

I know I could have saved a love that night
If I'd known what to say

Instead of makin' love
We both made our separate ways
But now I hear you found somebody new
and that I never meant that much to you
To hear that tears me up inside
And to see you cuts me like a knife
I guess

Chorus

- Poison

As always the song struck a chord inside me - and then I read this and I wonder if it's possible to walk away, without a backward glance, to move on and build something new?

A Prosaic Ode to Bangalore!

I finally finished reading Hari Kunzru’s Transmission a few weeks back and started devoting all my attention to Kavita Watsa’s “Brahmins and Bungalows – Travels through South Indian History” (2004). One of the chapters deals with Bangalore – though I would love to post excerpts from every chapter, for I found something worth sharing in each chapter, I have to restrain myself to one chapter. I picked this city, since I know so many people who stay there or have visited the city – all of whom are charmed by this cantonment city! I think after reading these excerpt you will want to head for the nearest store and pick up a copy of the book :

The residential areas that developed within the cantonment (which was also called “Laskar” Town) were called “towns” and even today bear British names such as Langford, Fraser, Richmond and Benson. Their large bungalows were set in generous gardens, and the townscape was dotted with tastefully designed parks, churches, clubs, schools and shopping areas. One of these establishments, the Bangalore United Services Club, still functions as the ‘Bangalore Club’, and its pillars, verandas and simple but elegant proportions constitute an excellent example of the architecture that was popular in the mid-nineteenth century. It was this originally white male preserve that Churchill left an unpaid ‘due’ of thirteen rupees, which the club eventually wrote off as irrecoverable.

-Not to mention the sign at the entrance that prohibited entry of Dogs and Indians! I believe, it is still difficult to get membership at this club – some things never change, eh?

In recent years, if one can forgive the senseless attrition of heritage architecture, it is possible to appreciate the stable urban identity hat has developed after a period of careless growth, an identity that borrows much from the character of the old cantonment in its leaning towards the West and its taste for the good life. Today’s Bangalore owes much to the liberalism that was in vogue here long before the Indian economic revolution of the early nineties. Here, globalization was not contrived; it was merely a matter of re-packaging an old tradition in twenty-first century wrapping, and allowing Westernisation to spread out of the cantonment and into suburbs once known for their orthodoxy. People who move to the city, even the freshest of settlers, now tend to discard their prior identities and become Bangalorean with ease. Although there is a tendency for new Bangaloreans to behave as if they invented the city – and who can blame them, for so little is left to remind anyone of the old days- it is a pleasant and sought-after place, and people who live here for a time often find it hard to adjust to city life anywhere else in India.

-Don’t I know that! I know more than one Bangalorean who’s sung praises of the city so often, its almost a refrain! :-)

The one restaurant I dearly loved, and to which I would have directed any traveler without wasting a second, no longer exists: it was appropriately called The Only Place, and was situated in a dreary compound at the bottom of Brigade Road, sandwiched between a guest house so liberal that it allowed only one lady to love there with a dozen pet snakes, and Snaize Brothers, the local undertaker’s. None of the existing restaurants, sophisticated though they are, could ever rustle up enough savoir-faire to serve beef-steak followed by peach pie in a tiny bougainvillea-clad bower, even as carpenters hammered nails slowly into half-finished coffins strewn about within view. The people who frequented The Only Place were characters all, from long-boned socialites with diamond earrings who fished insects gingerly out of their wine, to sad-faced Americans who lingered in the cantonment for months or even years in search of the meaning of life. There is no OP’s now; yet another shopping mall has been erected in the old compound. The restaurant did resume its activities briefly in one of the mall’s boring corridors, but in this new location, and with its new clientele, we all agreed it might as well have been called Pizza Hut.

-And to think I was so charmed by its “Pizza Hut” avatar – makes me want to travel back in time, to experience The Only Place in its hey-days…

Much as the desecration of its architecture and the congestion of its streets bewilder me, there is always a sense of homecoming when I return to Bangalore, for wherever my interest in travel has subsequently taken me, I have found no other city in the world to match its particular charms, and no other such concentration of like-minded people. Some aspects of the city come to mind at the oddest times, bludgeoning me in some unfamiliar place where nothing but a map connects me to reality, and all of a sudden my heart fills with a great desire to go home again: to sip a lime juice at Koshy’s and listen to the conversation of college students and journalists; to watch the low, violet clouds of the monsoon roll in across the plateau in early June, transforming the hot weather overnight to something akin to Scotland in summer, and reminding me that the British used to call Bangalore a hill station; to catch my breath while driving past a park in full bloom with jacaranda and frangipani. As long as there is still a high bank of flowers on one side of South Parade, and a few bungalows left to uphold a gracious aesthetic; as long as there are old-timers to mourn the passing of the old days, yet accept the new with lightness of heart; as long as I can walk into a restaurant and order a beefsteak without batting an eyelid; and as long as the night train still pulls into a little grey and grey station in the chill of a Bangalore dawn, there will be reason for me, and hundreds like me, to return to the vanishing cantonment for a few decades yet.

The last paragraph in the chapter on Bangalore – perhaps the most touching – paraphrases beautifully her love for the city. I know quite a few Bangaloreans who would echo these sentiments…Bangalore to them is their Mecca!

While I’m on the subject, I’ll make a small concession to my dearest jijaji (a self-confessed Banglo-phile!) that apart from Bombay, I think, Bangalore is the only city in India where I could be happy…ouch I can see the onslaught coming again! ;-)

Her passion for the city shines through every word - now if someone could write something on similar lines about Bombay!!!

P.S - You can find my review of "Brahmins and Bungalows" on Literary Mosaic

Paradise In Pune!

Yesterday, we visited Nala Park a.k.a Osho Teerth Park. Nestled in a by-lane of Koregaon park, it is the most idyllic place in Pune. Unlike the commune which is open only to members, the park is open to public as well. I’m glad, for I’d have missed a divine spot if it had restricted entry. They’ve made the park over a “Nala” which has been cleaned up and winds its way through the park like a stream, its waters flowing smoothly over certain regions and gushing down or bubbling over some rocks in others. Narrow winding lanes lead you through the cleverly landscaped park – the dense green foliage has an appearance of natural growth. No space for artificiality there…words really can’t describe the sheer beauty of the park. It’s a most serene experience to walk though the park early in the morning, with the sun-rays filtering through the leaves of the tall trees, the only sounds being the birds chirping in the distance and the water murmuring to you as it makes its way through the park…
As Kunal says :
“At the very end of the park, nestled amongst these “rainforest-like” trees rests this serene statue of the Buddha, which is where I would like to take Milton (twisting his ear all along till I get him to this spot). I will sternly reprimand him for his pessimism- now that you have regained paradise…sagla bara aahay na?”
Truly, paradise in Pune! :-)

My Love Affair With Bombay Continues...

Last week’s trip to Bombay was almost disappointing – the saving grace being my friends and FabIndia (Kala Ghoda).

Met Amisha for dinner the very first evening, bumping into Aditi at the restaurant and later over coffee at Barista. That was a Bonus!

The seminar I had gone for, though organized by one of the most brilliant ladies I know (my MA prof Dr.Bharucha), was disappointing. Not so much because of the speakers, as their lack of oratory skills and the bad acoustics of the room. If they weren’t mumbling to themselves, then their voices got lost in the room. As a result, what could have been a very interesting seminar ended up being an exercise in straining my ears to catch what they were talking about. I did run into a college teacher at the seminar, which was a great pleasure. Mrs Subramanium was one of our best teachers, though also the most demanding. Her insistence on perfection hadn’t endeared her to me during the first two years of college. However, by TYBA I grew to respect her and realised how much I could gain from her as a student. Till date I maintain that when it came to studying the parts of the syllabus that she taught us, I had to put in minimum efforts!

We escaped before the last session…and then the fun started…
FabIndia at Kala Ghoda is a most divine experience – even if you don’t want to shop, the place is a must-visit, for its lay-out. The wooden ceiling, flooring and steps, the distinctive units, the amazing graphics, not-to-mention the spacious aisles! Add to all this their fabulous stock…bliss!
Mondegar – it’s got to be one of my favourite places in Bombay…Mondegar with its hybrid fan following, with its dimly-lit smoke-filled interiors, with its caricature-painted walls, with its Juke Box, with its pastas…

The next day, apart from work, I managed to catch up with another friend Sherry – Pop Tate’s it was this time…the Gnocchi was excellent – so was the company!
After seeing her off from the bus-stop, I headed to the beach…a long walk down 7 bungalows to the beach…rolled up my jeans, took off my sandals and set off down the beach. The timing was perfect – the evening crowd had not yet come in, so I had the beach almost to myself, except for some kids playing and the numerous couples hiding in the rocks! The sea-breeze felt wonderful on my face and in my hair…after while I clambered onto a relatively empty rock cluster and sat there observing the kids mess around in the mud, enjoying that scene and observing the people slowly drift onto the beach, marveling at the changes in the area and feeling the pinch of nostalgia…

I so, so, so love Bombay!!!! :-)

Mirror Mirror On The Wall...

Well I don't want to know who's the fairest of them all, coudn't care a flying fig about that - just tell me, why is it that the things one wants to most in life are the ones that are most unattainable? The ones that you keep reaching out for, but keep slipping out your grasp?

What Do The Signs Say About You?

Never followed the zodiac signs and what they say about personalities - mine, your's or Tom's - but I had to work on this subject recently...so I browsed alot...and quite liked this very concise presentation of what the Zodiac signs say about your personality:

ARIES - " I am "
TAURUS - " I have "
GEMINI - " I think "
CANCER - " I feel "
LEO - " I will "
VIRGO -" I analyze "
LIBRA - " I balance "
SCORPIO - " I desire "
SAGITTARIUS- " I perceive "
CAPRICORN - " I use "
AQUARIUS - " I know "
PISCES - " I believe "

(Courtesy Bejan Daruwalla )

Of Dogs and Cats...and Reptiles and Buffaloes!

I would like to be an animal-lover…when I say animal-lover I mean one who likes and finds fascinating and beautiful ALL animals. I don’t.

I adore dogs – well established fact, considering I have always had a pet-dog. Let's not forget that I’ve been known to talk to street dogs, pick up fights with people whom I’ve observed mistreating a street dog, go over to strangers’ homes to meet their dogs and walk away without finding out the owner’s name or giving them mine…:-)

I’m OK with cats – I have argued incessantly over the virtues of dogs v/s cats with Amit, but frankly, I find them quite cute…I must admit, though, I’m not too high on the idea of having a cat as a pet…but wild cats are a completely different matter with their feline grace. If it wasn’t dangerous to keep one, I would have loved having a tiger as a pet. With every step that animal takes it inspires in me a feeling of awe at the sheer grace of movement and the power in that muscular body. And to see them hunt – oh yes, definitely awe-inspiring! Still haven’t figured out why the Lion is the king of the jungle – dirty scraggy creature that it is!

Anyways…I find most other domestic and wild animals beautiful. Reptiles are an exception – lizards, snakes, crocodiles – I am really not sure why we must have creatures like them to maintain the ecological balance. Creeps – yes that’s what they give me…absolutely creeps.

Yet another animal I’m not too fond of seeing is the Indian buffalo. Ironic considering I drink buffalo’s milk and prefer it over cow’s milk- even though the latter is healthier, having lower cholesterol quantities. But drinking the milk is one thing, and seeing the animal is another. The sight of a horde of big bulky black buffaloes disgusts me no end – with their fondness of wallowing in dirty waters, and keeping themselves caked in dung…I am most tempted to give up milk when I see where it comes from…and I’m not even talking about the condition of the sheds…

Anyways fate has been perverse, for there are, like, thousands of buffaloes in Pune…over a hundred very close to where I stay – the sight of a huge ugly buffalo sauntering along a busy main road, swaying its dung infested back-side at your windscreen is way too common for my liking. Not to mention the often enough incidences of having to sit in your vehicle for 15-20 minutes in the middle of a street, waiting for the herd to pass…

Nopes…sorry boss but I don’t think I’m that much of an animal lover to find beauty there…buffaloes are good animals. Gentle too (I think much more than the famed “gau-mata” who is known to chase people – I know, I’ve been chased once, but that’s another story!)…and useful as well. But I’d rather they stayed where they should be – in fields and meadows grazing peacefully, or in their sheds, not really gracing the streets of a busy city that is also supposed to be the next IT destination of the nation!

Saatchya Aat Gharat

Now, this is one movie I would like to see! Alas my comprehension of the language and lack of company shall prevent me from doing so...

Final Judgements

I used to be quite a television addict at one time – puberty definitely wasn’t easy for me, and television was my refuge…anyways right from the age of 11, it’s been the crime-based shows and legal dramas that held my attention and appealed to my intelligence, atleast what little there is of it! ;-) So apart from my share of Beverly Hills-90210, Doogie Howser, Wonder Years (I can still watch this with the same fascination as I first did) and Remington Steele (this too, just for that hottie Brosnan!) – I devoured a load of legal dramas, to the point that I’d contemplated a career in law at one time. I dropped the idea because of 2 reasons – I knew I’d never be able to memorise the laws and I had serious doubts about my capacity to argue my case with Tom, Dick and Harry and come out the winner.

Anyways as usual I’ve digressed from the main point that I wanted to make (Yep I’d definitely not make a good lawyer!)…over the years I’ve followed L.A.Law, Street Legal, and some others…off late I’ve been following only 2 shows religiously –Law and Order and The Practice . This week’s episode of The Practice was one of their most thought-provoking episodes.

Ellen, one of the leading lawyers in the firm, is fighting the case of a murderer on death-row. The perpetrator was suffering from schizophrenia at the time she murdered 2 young boys. She was diagnosed as mentally sane at the time of trial but later it was discovered that she was schizophrenic, and when given adequate medication she not only reformed, she turned into a role model. The point, thus being, that she was not mentally fit at the time of crime, thus can not be held responsible for her actions and shouldn’t be punished so severely for it. In U.S.A you can not execute an insane person, so Ellen makes her temporarily go off her medication – the judge rules that the State can not “force-medicate” her and that she won’t be executed as long as she is “insane.” Ellen returns with an argument that execution is reserved for the “most” heinous and evil of crimes, and this crime was not one of those. So why the death penalty? She goes on to argue that violence should not be paid back with violence. And that mercy was one of the greatest virtues of mankind – and that is what should be promoted. Everybody, deserves mercy, even murderers.

Do they? Is it really possible to forgive someone who has raped and/or murdered someone you love? Do they deserve to be pardoned for their crimes? Don’t the family members of victims deserve closure of some kind? Or is the desire to see the perpetrator punished/executed an aspect of the blood-thirstiness of mankind? Frankly I couldn’t come up with any satisfactory answers.

The episode ended with the defendant’s death penalty being stayed, on the grounds of mental instability at the time of crime…

On a different note, I saw Yuva last night. An excellent movie, with great acting by each of the leading actors. You note, I say "actors" – the absolute marginalization of actresses and their use as mere decorative objects disappointed me. The movie would have been much more satisfying had even one of the 3 actresses been given centre-stage. It was like saying that the responsibility of turning things around in Indian Politics lies in the hands of the male youth of the country, and all that the women can do, is support their man, provide good food for him when he returns at the end of the day, tired and disgusted with the system, not to mention good sex! Behind every successful man is a woman – and that’s where she is to stay – behind the scenes?

Justifying Murder

On Monday I blogged about the murder of Akku Yadav.

Last night, I saw on NDTV, that apart from the 5 women who have been arrested for murdering him, 400 women of the Kastuba Basti are ready to surrender if the women are convicted for their action.

I couldn't find an article reporting this new development in the TOI - not sensational enough for them, I guess. Anyways I hope the court does have the sense not to convict the women - on one hand it would be like saying it's Ok to murder someone who's oppressing you. Murder shouldn't be justified in anyway - in my opinion doing that would just abet crimes even more. But the women definitely should not be punished for taking the step that the Courts of Law should have - he was, after all, wanted for several cases of rape, dacoit and murder. Hardly reprehensible that the women lost hope in a system, that took over a decade to hang another rapist, and took things into their own hands.

God Help The Students of University of Mumbai...

A friend just gave me this shocker of a news - so I hit the archives of Asian Age and came up with this :

"Kaun banega VC? The game begins - By Shweta Shertukde

Mumbai, Aug. 14: The University of Mumbai is likely to have a new vice-chancellor before August 20. Sources in the university disclosed that it will be a hurried appointment as the university will have to follow the code of conduct implemented by the state for the forthcoming Assembly elections.

The race for the post of a new VC, with nearly 30 contenders, has already begun. According to sources, several city-based college principals and vice-chancellors from the neighbouring universities have already started lobbying for the coveted post.

Some of the major players in the race are from the Mumbai university — acting VC Dr Vijay Khole, dean of the arts faculty Dr Abhay Pethe, head of the English department R.G. Bongle, former head of the civics and politics department Nawaz Modi and former registrar Dr A.M. Murudkar. Others in the race are chairman of Principals’ Association Naresh Chandra, principal of Ruia College R.T. Sane, principal of Ruparel College P.M. Sule, VC of SNDT Women’s University Ms Rupa Shah and H.R. College principal, Indu Sahani.Some of these contenders have recently met the Congress party president Mrs Sonia Gandhi in Delhi to lobby for the post, said a source. To meet the August 20 deadline, a five-member team on the selection panel is almost ready.

..."

There's a reason why I've highlighted the name of our ex-HOD, Dr.Bhongle - if he is the next to step into the chair - it won't be unfair to say that the University of Mumbai is going to the dogs! God Save the Students!!!

"Trust Me, I Know Where This Road Goes.." Ahem...

They say men NEVER accept it when they are lost and almost never ask for directions. They also say that women are TERRIBLE at giving directions and can lead you around in circles. Stereotypes. Balderdash. Bullshit. I can narrate several instances to prove such statements wrong. But I can also narrate these 2 incidents:

Last Saturday we had gone for pizza dinner. On our way back my brother missed the turn that would lead us to our “village” – I was a bit surprised and made some noise from my back-seat, only to be firmly silenced by the men of the house. They knew what they were doing and where they were going. I figured that since they do go out daily with their respective cars, Papa and Bhaiyya might have found a shorter route…

10 minutes later we crossed the Race course and I knew they were DEFINITELY lost! Bhaiyya admitted that – but Papa still felt he knew where we were headed. "Ah well – men are always right," I told myself. "Sit quietly – there is another way we could get home, only it’s definitely not shorter, but almost twice as long as the usual route." So we drove on…and on…and on…I made some more noise and asked some more questions. “Will you please stop acting smart, young lady?” “Ok sir…you are in the driving seat!”

I waited patiently for 20 minutes for a landmark, which falls just outside Pune limits – and then calmly announced that we’d just crossed Manjari Meadows and were on our way to Solapur! “Oh is that so? Well then I guess we missed the turn somewhere!”

Ah - the pleasure it gave me to direct us back home! Muhahaha – I quite relished the experience of hearing them admit they were very lost and that they should have listened to me the first time I made noise!

I guess sometimes, it is true then – that men never accept it when they are lost and almost never ask for directions.

Now that I’ve related that -

I must admit that 75% of the time, my directions could lead you in the completely opposite direction. If I’m sitting next to you, I’ll immediately rectify my mistake, but if the directions were given to you on the phone…hehe God help you, coz I often mix up between right and left. If I’m not looking down at my hands then I’m almost certain to ask you to turn right, when I mean left!

I did this yesterday, telling Papa that he has to turn right at Café Canada to get to Kasba Peth, and getting very annoyed with him when he said there is no right there! So he drew a map for me – much to my embarrassment I’d meant left! Needless to say, that ended up being a source of amusement for my brother and father for the rest of the day!

Touché!

So sometimes it’s also true that women are terrible at giving directions and can lead you around in circles.

;-)

Eh?

Yesterday was Independance Day - I hate to admit that it was just another day. Just another Sunday when we went house-hunting yet again... and returned home exhausted, having had both meals out ....no flag-hoisting ceremony at all this year, for perhaps the first time in my life. Last time I reached late, but atleast I paid my respects to the tricolour. This year - Na Da :-(

One thing that hit me yesterday was this headline : Women proud of lynching goon in court. Its hardly shocking, keeping in mind all the things we read in the paper these days. Dunno - it just wasn't what I wanted to read about on Independance Day. Call me naive, but I'm horrified each time I read about such demons...to think that millions still live in the fear of such tyranny and we are more bothered about whether India is ready for legal Pornography or not - gimme a break, could we focus on some real issues for a change?

The Infidelity Track

Been meaning to blog on this every since my last blog – actually I had to restrain myself from publishing this last time, because I didn’t want it to seem like a deluge. Ironically I’ve not blogged for days since then – was very phased out and couldn’t get my thoughts organized. Why? Partly the same old bug of loneliness that makes me downright miserable and yearn to turn to clock back to nicer days. Add to that, what seems like viral fever – nursed mind-numbing headaches, weakness and throat-ache, battled against fever, and had sinus and this awful taste in my mouth through-out. With my whole “anti-medicines” attitude I took longer to get back on track – any other person would have popped a few antibiotics and been hopping around in 2 days. Me? Heheh – I prolong the torture by resisting medication! Stubborn mule? Yeps I know I’m one :-)

Anyways as usual I’ve digressed – damn I could give Thomas Hardy a run for his money in the art of digressing – muhahaha!

Earlier this week when I blogged about the whole issue of women being raped/molested, a related subject was burning in my mind. It came up in a conversation and got me thinking –

We were talking in general about friendships between opposite sexes. I’m fortunate enough to share some great friendships like that; infact one of my closest friends is a guy, and I’ve never ever felt remotely uncomfortable in the presence of any of my male friends. Not everybody has that luck, it seems.

Anyways we drifted into a different aspect of male-female relationships. Here’s a hint – it’s a hot favourite with our Hindi soap-operas! The much discussed, dreaded extra-marital affair! Unacceptable, was my take on it. How could you possibly accept infidelity in your partner? Knowing he’s been with another woman even while he has taken the vows to be yours and your alone, not just in this lifetime, but in the next few lifetimes as well. How is it possible to trust that person ever again and continue to love him? For me, the question of straying just doesn’t arise. I know, I can’t even think of another man – I don’t need to be married to him to feel this way. Love is not something that happens with just anyone. When it does happen, it’s for a lifetime. I know some people say that sometimes love dies – well if it does, you should break it off immediately. Why lie and seek love behind your spouse’s back?

The person I was talking to felt that you have to give him a second chance – marriage is for keeps, and she felt that you have to try and fix things that could go wrong. She did – and she used her experience to show how things that look bad can turn around completely. That you can build a relationship again. That weak foundations can be strengthened. That you can’t just give up so easily. If you love the person, you should want to fight for him – what I don’t get is – why should you have to “fight” for him? Shouldn’t he “be” yours? I mean for chrissake, doesn’t the fact that you’ve chosen each other mean something?

God forbid I ever have to face such a situation – knowing me, I’d be devastated. The thought of it sends chill down my spine – *shudder* Give me any amount of travails otherwise, but not infidelity in the man I love. Amen.

Murky Waters

One can’t avoid the reports on cases of rapes and other types of assaults against women on News channels these days. I seem to have rather mixed feelings on this whole issue. On one hand, I agree with those who say that it’s a heinous crime that simply can not be pardoned and/or excused. (Thank God our President didn’t agree to the mercy plea made by Dhanandjay Chatterjee) This is one trait in men (not all of them, I accept) that I abhor – the need to subjugate those who are inferior to them, weaker than them or unable to fight back. If they do stand up to any mistreatment, they must be “punished” and “reminded who holds the reins” – despicable and beyond pardon. As for cases of sexual violence – I think a person couldn’t get more be more depraved and screwed up to actually get off that kind of an action. No amount of argument that “the woman asked for it” can ever be sufficient to excuse molestation and/or rape.

But then I think of those incredibly credulous (read DUMB) women who blindly walk into a situation that flashes DANGER in red from a mile off. I totally fail to comprehend why so many women willingly allow themselves to be exploited – who gets to decide what level of exploitation is acceptable – and if the level you perceive in your mind as acceptable doesn’t match with the other person, is it really fair to scream “exploitation” later? Why put yourself on a terrain that is not firm and shows signs of turning into a slimy quicksand? God hasn’t blessed us with grey cells and an intuition for nothing – they are meant to be used, not left to rust. And if you argue that we shouldn’t have to look over our shoulder with every step we take, I agree. We shouldn’t. But let’s face it – this isn’t Utopia. We don’t live in Arcadia. If we are sensible and cautious in a jungle where predatory carnivores reside, then why not otherwise? I mean, in a sense, we do live in a vast jungle of sorts, don’t we? We have to be on red alert at work, for there is always someone waiting to pounce on your smallest mistake, and turn it into their advantage – the same rules apply elsewhere.

I’m not acquitting the men from their blame – I whole-heartedly support capital punishment in 9o% of these cases – no point letting those monsters live and that too on government money, which in a sense is our money. All I’m saying is that sometimes things can’t be classified as Black and White. Things aren’t as simple as that. They never are. Think about it.

Henri Cartier Bresson

Wondering why I’ve not blogged for so long – its not like the opportunity didn’t present itself, or there was lack of topic (there never can be with someone like me, who just loves to talk – if there is no interlocutor, then I can even talk to myself - LOL!)...but somehow I never got around to blogging – about Ma’s problem with vertigo…or how that damned aquarium, my bro has got, broke this Tuesday, and how bhabhi and I spent the entire morning mopping up coz half the water had leaked out, under the cupboards and half-way across the room…or how my damned wisdom tooth gave me so much grief this week...or how miserable I was coz of the wretched cold weather in this bloody hamlet!

Ok – I think I have an inkling as to why I didn’t blog – coz I didn’t want to publish a jeremiad of complaints! LOL! Hit the nail on the spot, didn’t you Sherlock?

Well anyways now that I’ve solved that grand mystery in life, I guess I might as well blog about something more substantial and less introspective and/or floozy!

This morning I read about the death of Henri Cartier Bresson (1908-2004), a photojournalist and co-founder of Magnum Photos. Ok gyan time – Magnum Photos is an international photographic co-operative founded by Robert Cappa, David Seymour, William Vandivert, George Rodger and Bresson in Paris, 1947. Basically Cappa, Seymour and Bresson had been friends before the World War II and when they reunited unexpectedly after the war, they came up with this idea of forming an organisation that would be a kind of forum for photographers and a training ground for new talent. They later opened an office in New York (small surprise – the Big Bully definitely was the place to head even back then, especially when you wanted to sell anything!); today they have offices in London and Tokyo as well and around 50 members. A “miniature United Nations” each member of the organization took on responsibility of covering a geographic area.

So coming back to Bresson – he took on India and the Far-east. Reason I got interested in the fellow was because I’d read somewhere (now don’t ask me where and when – I so totally fail to remember!) that he had taken a photograph of Gandhi, as he lay on his death bed. Apparently another photographer, was unsuccessful and ended up having her reel destroyed because of her insensitivity to the situation, while Bresson succeeded by being discrete and subtle and staying behind the scenes. I thought to myself, creativity coupled with a keen sense of sensitivity and intelligence. Great combination! So I went ahead and read up more about him – it helped that he was a French man! ;-) Anyways some of his work that I saw online fascinated me and managed to snag my attention...

The one below seems to be a favourite, but I lean towards the one above. Something about the old man, surrounded by flowers, absorbed in his solitary activity touched me.



The name stuck in my memory and this morning when I read about his death – I decided I so totally must blog about this. I think I would like to own one of those books he has published. Probably “Decisive Moments” which is touted as his chef d’oeuvre...

Hehe...just went through this and it struck me that the last line stinks of a hint for a gift. Terribly expensive gift, eh? LOL – worry not, there’s no hint there. Just a thought to myself – more like a note for the future. (Read when I have a decent enough salary to be able to afford all those books I harbour a perennial hunger for!)

Linguistic thought for the day :- Often seen and often used “specially” instead of “especially” – wonder how and why this habit came to be?

Specially, adv. 1. In a special manner; particularly.
2. For a particular purpose; as, a meeting of the legislature is specially summoned.

Especially, adv. In an especial manner; chiefly; particularly; peculiarly; in an uncommon degree.

Eh? Difference?

Ick – so need to improve that vocabulary of mine. Too mediocre for my satisfaction – double ick. Must bookmark the Online Dictionary and must leaf through my pocket Oxford more often. Bit late for a New Year Resolution...anyways I don’t hold much faith in them that were made as you say good-bye to a dying year and are drunk with happiness welcoming one more catastrophic year that brings you closer to the apocalyptic end...but I guess one can always resolve to improve anytime of the year, eh?

Grumpy Bear

QUESTION FOR THE DAY :-
Why is it that NONE of my friends, apart from Kunaal, have made any attempts to visit me in Pune?

I mean, some of them actually act like it's just me who should get to experience the "wonderfully short drive on the Mumbai-Pune expressway" - the least they could do is stay in touch, which ain't difficult in this day and age of SMS, emails and 952 facility!

ICK!

A Note of Thanks

Dear God,
Yesterday evening Girish uncle, a family friend, who has had a heart attack and Angioplasty, was admitted to the hospital after feeling some discomfort in the chest. We rushed to the hospital obviously, since they are as close as family and we are practically the only people they know here in Pune - I had little to do, as my parents were with Uncle and Aunty and Bhaiyya was taking care of other stuff. As I sat there in the waiting room, for news, taking in all the details of the Cardiology center, overhearing snippets of conversations doctors/nurses/attendants were having with family members of patients – I got cold inside. Despite the fact that I had on a pullover I felt downright chilly inside – not so much because of the temperatures, as because of the memories it roused.

Circumstances were different yes, but I couldn’t help but remember the fear that had gripped me when my mother had a heart-attack in Jan 2002 . The Angiogram confirmed our worst fears – she had multiple blockages, one going up to 98%. She had a by-pass soon after – and those were some of the most terrifying and trying days of my life. Coming face-to-face with my mother’s mortality shook me deeply. I think I grew up the most in that one month – especially since I dealt with more than my mother’s illness. It was a crucial time for me, with my final year BA exams round the corner, and in those few months I realized who my true friends are… funny how you have to go through some kind of difficulty in order to see through farces and understand who truly is your friend and who’s there only while the good times last!

Luckily for me I do have some really great friends and they’ve seen me through each and every one of those trying phases in life – I hope I’ve been at least half as good a friend to them, as they have been to me. Sitting there in that waiting room last night, I thanked you for all that I’ve been blessed with. Just last week I was complaining of how life sucks – but let’s face it, life hasn’t been a series of hurdles for me. I have a great, supporting family, a fabulous set of friends…hell you have even blessed me with a heart bigger than most people! As for what’s missing, it’s up to me to ensure that the void is filled, right? After all, we make our own destinies, don’t we?

Yours gratefully,

Geetanjali

P.S Struck with wonder and horror at how some people don’t realize the gravity of a heart-attack – it’s almost like “just” another topic to discuss for them. Hell comparing a by-pass to an appendicitis operation – for Chrissake! People like that truly try my patience!

Brrrrrrr

It’s cold in Pune! LOL! Ok coming from me you’d think that’s a gross exaggeration and it’s probably just pleasant , but I like to believe that my resistance to the cold has improved a bit after having spent 3 months in Europe during winter and surviving sub-zero temperatures! Anyways I think I detest the cold winds the most – and Pune is VERY windy. Specially where we stay – when we shut our windows they sometimes rattle with the pressure of the wind outside! Up until now it hasn’t rained “properly” here – remember I’m accustomed to Bombay rains (read non-stop rains lashing the streets for days at end, flooded roads, over-flowing sewers, gusty winds, wet clothes, broken umbrellas et al) – but for the past few days it’s rained “a little” – i.e it drizzles all day. Add to this the wind and it gets quite cold. My classmates have actually come to class wearing sweaters and jackets! I resisted till yesterday when I finally pulled out my sleeveless sweater and thick Khadi jacket – cozier once I’m encased in either one of them! It feels funny – roaming around in jackets and sleeping with double covering, hardly ever switching the fan on! Hehe…guess I’ll really get to use my “winter-wear” in this city!

Word of the Day :

e·pis·te·mol·o·gy , n. The branch of philosophy that studies the nature of knowledge, its presuppositions and foundations, and its extent and validity.

Aslo see Epistmelogy, an Introduction for better understanding!

PS – Friends have expressed concern due to my last blog – just a small note – I’m not as bad as it sounds. It’s a phase that will pass – guess I just need to sort out some issues which will take me time. I might get low and as a result moody and rude at time – hope you’ll will bear with me! Thanks for all the support and offers to beat up the person concerned! :-)

Ick

Today should go down in the book as one of my worst days possible. I could hardly believe it as I slipped back into the vortex of negativity today. It’s been ages since I had no control over my rage – and today I sure did lose control. Black rage would be putting it mildly. It’s a different matter that once the rage inside me subsided, it was replaced by a melancholic mania of sorts. Thoughts I really don’t want to entertain surfaced to torment me – realizations that I’ve given too much once again and have only myself to blame. Doubts – about myself, my capabilities, what I’m worth. Questions – why don’t I learn to ask for what I want? Why do I stay silent when no one understands what it is that I am asking for? Especially when I ask so rarely? Why I take so much crap and don’t ever open my mouth when I’m being hurt? Not to the person inflicting the pain anyways. Why I swallow all that pain, never letting the person know the effect on me? Why? Why me?
Wallowing in narcissistic despair? Yeah that’s what it feels like – putting myself at the center of everything. But then I’m doing it inside me – or atleast I was till I wrote this blog. Well to hell with it – I need to get atleast some of this angst out…
Am I feeling better? Well not really – but then I know that’s not one thing that will change for the next few months. Been there, Done it once before…

From the Kitchen ;-)

Phew…

Am so exhausted today. And I’ve done nothing much. Being my day-off from class et al, I chilled out all day. Even managed to get an nice long nap in the afternoon. And then…

I entered the kitchen!
 
LOL! Man oh man, it may have been fun, and the labour definitely paid off, but am I bushed. Started chopping at 4pm and then the cooking – preparing the layers for my “Wholesome Spaghetti” meal, not to mention preparing the salad, soup and dessert. I finished at 7.40pm. Chop chop, mix, add a dash of this and that, taste..re-think, add some more of this, move onto neighbouring bowl, stir…what makes people opt for a career in cooking? It’s so incredibly tiring and back-breaking…bending over that chopping board, and then the stove! Well atleast my labours paid off and the food was totally appreciated. :-)
 
Need to focus on work again – haven’t been doing much of that in the past few days. Hmm..the wonders of freelancing – no need to sit daily to work! Ah ofcourse you still have to deliver, specially when you’re freelancing for an old acquaintance and can’t lose face! Double-edged sword eh?

Been doing some reading up on one of my favourite subjects – can’t wait to blog about it. LOL – I’m actually excited about a bloody blog! How happening could I get? *Sarcasm dripping from my fangs* Man oh man – am I diverting my energies elsewhere or am I? Ok Geets baby I see through your strategy, but I’m gonna let you follow it up, coz it will keep me sane! ;-)

PS Appu is in B’bay and I couldn’t go meet her…BOOHOO! Why? C’est pas juste!  

The Republic of Love

Last night my tummy was giving me “major traas” (read: I had a mild tummy ache) – now I’m not used to tummy troubles; normally my stomach is very stable and I rarely have any problems with it. So when I do, I’m perplexed, flummoxed and irritated – and can’t sleep. Since sleep eluded me, I figured I’d finish reading Carol Shield’s The Republic of Love which I’ve been at for around 10 days now. It’s my bus-time reading; I’ve not been devoting “quality-time” to books off-late, much to my dismay, shame, exasperation and frustration! Anyways this was my second Carol Shields novel and I think I quite like her style and content. For one, she is a women author (I’ve realized I tend to finish women’s novels faster and also relate to them more – obviously – and enjoy them more.) plus I like her style. Short chapters. Separate units that tie up neatly at the end of the novel. And she has a way of saying things – you know these things, but she says them for you. I’ve reviewed both novels, that I’ve read, on Literary Mosaic – in addition to that, here are some quotes from that caught my attention and had me marking the pages so I could note them down later:

“Well, I’ve finally figured out that being male is the same thing, more or less, as being born with a personality disorder”
 
-I salute the lady for this one! Priceless isn’t it?

“He’s never been to Europe; nothing there has ever seemed compelling enough to compensate for what he imagines to be an assault of massive stone monuments and continuous drenching rain. He fears, more than damp feet, the narrow Continental streets full of toxic haze, and unreadable European maps whose rivers, roads, railway lines and national boundaries wrinkle and shrink the eyesight of travelers and strip them clean of volition, of identity. Europe with its sneering face. Europe the mercenary uncle”
 
-The reason this caught my attention is because, seen in isolation, this paragraph reads very American – and Carol Shields is not American, but Canadian. A tad bit surprising –
1) Canada has had strong links with Europe (reference to their colonial history with Britain and France)
2) Hadn’t realized the Americans had such a strong impact on their psyche.
It’s funny that Europe has been equated to the “mercenary uncle” when Canada is struggling to assert it’s identity against, or rather despite, its muscular neighbour, the Big Bully Uncle Sam!
(Quickly checking her brief biography on the first page, I understand. Born and brought up in Chicago, she has lived in Canada only since 1957. Interesting. I’d love to compare this with other Canadian novelists.)

“They say Love makes angels of the wicked. That people in love are kinder in their ways, stronger in their resolve and lit from within by an incandescence so generous, impulsive, and willing, so mild, too, and almost innocent, that other people, observing them are reminded of young children – the good, stalwart, focused children of fairy tales.
They say love affects the blood-sugar level and that, all other things being equal, lovers will win Olympic medals, score higher on examinations, donate more generously to charities, ward off the most potent flu germs, and kindle the kind of rare happiness that deflects the envy of others.
They say love distorts judgements, so that the most morally robust can drift into evil, and the evil into goodness.
Another thing people say is that love quickens the sensory organs. Fingertips grow more sensitive and more eager. Hearing becomes acute, sometimes painfully so. The olfactory organs crackle and swell and make themselves known. And vision grows more precise, more penetrating…”
 
-Lets just say that it appealed to my romantic notions.

“It is impossible for us to live outside the culture we’re born into. Our communities claim us from the start, extending a thousand tentacles of possession, and Fay, a reasonable intelligent woman, has long recognised that reverence for individualism is one of the prime perversions of contemporary society. It is illogical and foolish. Oh, yes. We are bound to each other biologically and socially, intellectually and spiritually, and to abrogate our supporting network is to destroy ourselves.”
 
-What can I say? The lady knows how to say it!

“We’ve got to get back to neighbourliness. We’ve lost it. Saying good morning to each other? Saying how do you do, how are you feeling, how’s the world treating you? Recycling plastic bags is peanuts, ditto with phosphate-free detergent. We’re always hollering these days about the infrastructure of our cities, but love’s got an infrastructure, too. Love your neighbour, let him love you back a little. Love’s the greenest stuff going. Let’s hear it for love.”
 
-Amen!

La France m'appelle?

Today I saw a very nice movie based on the holocaust. Indirectly, but the inspiration was from that and we all know how fascinated I am with that subject. “La Passante du Sans Souci”. Filmed partly in Berlin and partly in France, it deals with the life of Max Baumstein, who murders a politician of Paraguay.
 
Max Baumstein is a well-known human rights activist and avowed pacifist who, to the shock and puzzlement of many, murders a politician from South America. As Baumstein goes to trial, it is revealed that his victim was in fact a Nazi war criminal who ordered the deaths of thousands of people -- including Baumstein's parents. In flashback, Max recalls the horrors of the Nazi occupation of France, and he remembers Elsa Weiner, a woman who helped save his life and struggled to free her husband Michel from a concentration camp after he was condemned for publishing anti-fascist literature.
 
Definitely a recommendation – oh did I forget to mention? It’s in French, but well…WATCH IT IF YOU CAN!!!
 
What else? Ah oui, my friend Patricia, spoke about me to a lady who I met at Dr.Bharucha’s place for dinner in Jan 2003. She trains people to teach French to foreigners and was in BBay with the French Embassy at that time. Anyways Pat meets her regularly and has enquired if I could spend a summer in France to aid my studies and how to go about it. So much so that the lady said she could make a few phone calls too, if I’m interested! Now talk about cool…
 
Seriously though, this means its time to get serious about all this now…sigh. How I hate planning for the future, things were supposed to just fall into place naturally…but one has to do a lot of thinking and planning, I guess, when one comes to this crossroad of life. Hmmm… 

Un Clou Chasse L'autre...

Haven’t blogged in ages – and have no clue why. I come online, chat, email and leave…hell I’ve even logged into Blogger several times, only to log out in a few minutes… 

Ok the changes in Blogger are damn cool - I can now change font size, colour et al without resorting to finding out the appropriate HTML code from more gayni friends! Ah merci Blogger for finally thinking about us non-techie janta, us simple folk! LOL! Ofcourse we could also do with some emoticons!! ;-)  Anyways I'm kicked with these new amenities (if I may use that word!) and so I'm going to launch into a loooooong blog!

My mind has been elsewhere these days. Un clou chasse l’autre – Life goes on. And it does. But those tiny niggling thoughts in your head prevent life from running smoothly, n’est ce pas ? Those tiny, annoying little fragments of thought that blow-up into monstrosities and make you act in ways you are later embarrassed about? Huh – I’ve had a fair share of those moments in the past fortnight. Frankly, I’m appalled and quite exasperated at the chain of events. But then what use lamenting now? Milk has been spilt already – time to rectify mistakes and ensure they don’t recur. And ensure that those thoughts do not interfere in my much fought for equilibrium. Balance – yeps that’s important in life. As I recently said, we must strive for a balance in life, coz the world is anyways quite crazily topsy-turvy. It’s upto us to create a balance and make sense of life as it is served to us.
 
Ha – enough of my contemplation. So I was in Bbay this weekend – finished off my convocation work. And spent time with Mansi – which was more important dunno, so don’t ask. LOL! It’s going to be funny going to Bbay once Mansi is gone – Amit has already gone. So has Appu….ok Kunu baba, I need you find work in Bbay! Do that and I’ll definitely fulfill your demand of finding myself a guy in Bbay! (Not that I need much urging to do that anyways! LOL!)
 
On the whole the trip was exhausting - I took an early morng bus from Pune and was in Dadar at 11am – after walking to the station, crossing over to the West , I went and sat in a train – a few minutes later I started wondering why the train wouldn’t move! It turned out that signals at Bandra weren’t working, so all trains were terribly slow and even more late…anyways I noticed that fast trains were atleast crawling, so I crossed platforms again and got into a Fast – upto Bandra, from where I switched to a slow upto Scruz. Under normal circumstances the whole journey from Dadar to the Univ shouldn’t have taken me more than 40 minutes  - I reached the Univ at 1.15 pm!
 
Kalina was one big lake of muck…and the office staff had but obviously gone on an extended lunch break! So anyways after waiting impatiently in a queue for nearly an hour I got my convocation form. Met Madhavi and Deepa on my way out  - had lunch with Madhavi– I was famished by the time we got our food! Got to Gayatri at 4.30!!! (I had hoped to be there by 1.30 -2 pm) Obviously I didn’t do a thing after that – the only exercise I got after that was that of the tongue. LOL – talked nineteen to a dozen with Mansi.
 
Caught “Laws of Attraction” on Sunday morng – the 10 am show again! LOL! Not with Hrishit though, this time with Mansi, a fellow Piercey fan!  Pierce Brosnan is HOT MAAL. I think for him, I’d happily give up someone else – LOL! After the movie I managed to pick up a collection of short stories by Russian Masters. Then home for lunch…and siesta! In the evening I was at Mocha - Bandra for a rendezvous with Amisha.
 
The next day I finished my convocation submission – went to meet Jackie to talk about the work I’m doing for him, and back to Gayatri for lunch. And then off to Dadar – call me bizarre but as I crossed the platforms with my rucksack on my back, I got nostalgic and remembered the days I crossed platforms in Europe! LOL – jerked back to reality when I saw a man stare at my chest and then got uncomfortably aware of how my tee-shirt was sticking to me!!! Muhaha – yeah reality sure hits you in the face eh?
 
Pretty much slept all the way back – sad coz the expressway is beautiful right now. Hardly an inch of ground is uncovered by some kind of foliage. To say it in French, toute est verdante. (Everything is green) – it leaves you spellbound and makes you itch for a camera. Puts all kinds of romantic notions of trekking in your head and generally makes you feel upbeat about life!
 
Now I’m back here – back to reality. This place has a tendency of making me pensive and depressive. Ick.
*Shudder*
 
Need some action in life – guess studies and work will have to provide that! Exciting prospect eh?  

Blissfully Unemployed?

One of my bestest buddies got gainfully employed last week. Hell she’s now working at a very impressive place and will draw a good salary. Apart from her, I seem to have an increasing number of friends who have free-lanced or worked their way through studies, not to mention those who’ve taken up jobs after graduation and post-graduation. I seem to be this oddity who’s still utterly vella and dithering between her options. Ick.

Sometimes I don’t think I’m doing any crime by taking my time – I want to be sure of my decision and not blunder my way into a wrong profession. Plus I want to be able to do my best at whatever I take up eventually – with studies I got away with good grades even though I put in just half the effort required – definitely half my capability. But I definitely don’t want to do that when it comes to my career.

As of now Alliance Francaise is my priority and any free-lancing I do would come second. Plus there are other things I want to make sense of, before plunging head-first into the big bad world of work-politics, commitments, responsibilities and taxes!

Someone once told me that being confused doesn’t mean I’m a loser. And then I'm continuously told that I show all signs of succeeding at whatever I take up.

Time shall tell I guess?

Bombay Rocks

Bombay Rocks.

Wish I could leave this blog at that. Coz that’s what I want to say – just that. Bombay Rocks. It’s THE place to be in India. I don’t think I’ll ever question the wide-scale exode to Mumbai ever again.

Was in Bombay this weekend – to meet my firang friends! Aditi, from L.A and Mansi, from Muscat both arrived last weekend. Apart from the fact that I’ve not met them in ages, and one of them is a bum-chum chaddi pal who has been my guardian angel ever since life got complicated, I needed an excuse to go to Bombay. So there I was – reached on Friday afternoon. Spent a fun weekend there – have gone to so many places in one day been up early, slept late, hardly slept – been exhausted to the core and yet been ready for more! The lazy lump I’d become in Pune just vanished into thin air! The city breathes life into me – what can I say? ;-)

Friday was completely spent with Mansi – there were other plans in my mind, but I can’t obviously always have my way. So well they didn’t work out – I was upset, very upset, but then reminded myself the rules of the game and forced myself back into maturity! LOL – yeah I can be mature occasionally. Mansi and I were talking till 2 am – and I got into bed at 3 am – though I hardly slept that night. Yeps – the same old problem of a myriad thoughts cluttering my mind and robbing my sleep. Ick. Gick.

Saturday – met up with Aditi and Amrita (from college) at Mocha. Mocha was divine comme d’hab. The incredible ambience, awesome music, Satay Chicken Panini and a Berry Blast. Divine. Cotton World, Adi’d place and Ashirwaad for softy – compelted my day-out. Evening was with Mansi again – yet another late night. Sat at the window of Suku’s 6th floor flat, where I was staying, and soaked in a rainy night. Nothing like watching the world from up there – looking down on a tree-lined avenue. Rain-drops ceaselessly pattering on the roofs, forcing the heavy branches to droop down further, lending a glossy sheen to the street below – very very nice. Conversation flowed easily and digressed all over, as it always does when I’m with Mansi.

I got several calls on Sat – why don’t people call me when I’m in Pune and not paying roaming charges on incoming? LOL – anyways Hrishit was one of them – and he fixed a Sunday morning date with me. Movie at 10 am – yeps, I asked him if he takes all women out at 10 am. 10 pm is more the time guys would aim for, right? Hahaha…so obviously I was up early on Sunday morning as well. Caught Monster at Fame Adlabs. Great movie. Great performances. Very convincing. Very disturbing. Defi not a movie to watch on a Sunday anoon. Good company. Lotsa obnoxious comments on my behalf. Laughs too.

Followed it up with lunch at Pop Tate’s with Madhavi and a quick visit to Lokhandwala. Next time I’m in Bombay I’m going with permission to shop. I so want to pick up a pair of capris from Cotton Cottage and mayhaps a skirt from Reeth. I’ll try and curtail my urges at that! Muhahahaha! :)

Evening plans with Amisha didn’t work out – but that got me more time with Mansi. Yeps I talked MORE! Walked upto Yari road and back – shit I miss those walks of ours. The crazy conversations, the exasperation when Mansi will ceaselessly shoot questions et al...

Came back today anoon, having caught a bus in the morning. Sigh – am already trying to plan another visit. Couldn’t catch Amit this time. Ick. Gick. Guess I’ll make it up next time, provided those plans of mine fall in place. I need divine intervention here – someone up there hearing me? ;-)
Shall stop now..think I’ve rambled on long enough, haven’t I?

Coming Up – Blog on Monster and Lakshya. Need to post my review on those movies!