Grihasthashrama

Friday 29th September 2006

I woke up with an uncanny feeling that something's changed...well not really, just woke up to see plenty of missed calls and messages from people who wanted to wish me at midnight, but forgot my eccentric habit of putting my phone on silent. I'm now 25 years old - a quarter of my life has whizzed past me, and I'm still not half as intelligent as I'd like to be, nor have I found what I"m looking for...and then there are those who remind me I've entered Grihasthashrama and should think of "settling down" - *puke*

I thought I had a nice materialistic gift-list which included Anne Hathway's wardrobe from the film The Devil Wears Prada, books, music, flowers, chocolates...but that morning as I read my messages and spoke to my friends, I realised all I really wanted was Papa...obviously not a gift anyone in this world is capable of giving me...

Didn't want to do anything special, but three days later, I'm still reeling under the whole Birthday after-effect. Messages, phone calls, cards, cakes (yes in plural, five to be precise), flowers, visits from unexpected and expected quarters, gifts, lunch treats - everyone (from family, to friends, to students) seems to have worked over-time to make this birthday special...am still recovering from all of it...

Update :- Registered for and started DFA (remember I spoke of it earlier?) last week. This time I didn't tell anyone till after my first class! LOL!

Request :- Am devoid of computer and this the internet, so please bear with my prolonged silences in blogger world and elsewhere on the internet.

Current Book : Toujours Provence by Peter Mayle (a continuation of the Provence series, one of which I read and reviewed some time back)

Tagged

Chamique tagged me sometime back to write about my five favourite things to do in MY city. My first thoughts were of Bombay (but obviously), but then I realized that Pune is as much my city, today, as Bombay, so here they are my two cities and five of the things I enjoy doing in each :-

Mumbai Meri Jaan

- Take a long, long walk around sunset, down the rock-beach, 7 bungalows, preferably in the company of dear friend, but alone is also nice. Nothing like the cool sea-breeze to clear the mind…
- Colaba Causeway – just stroll down the entire stretch, stopping to pick up bargain stuff from the stalls. I’ve picked up some real treasures from there at throw-away prices.
- Café Mondegar (yes I know it falls in the above category) – anytime of the day, from morning to night. The jukebox, the caricatures, the wine, the beer, the food, the people, the feel of the place.
- Walk-talkathons in the Nana-nani park with another bumchum pal – I’ve not indulged in this for over a year. Nostalgia hitting hard right now…
- Walk down Marine Drive after finishing work, tossing bhel into my mouth while the wind tosses my hair around, talking with one of my closest friends ever.

Phew that was NOT easy. Narrowing it down to just five things when there are so many things I enjoy doing in that beloved city of mine…but these definitely have to top the list!

Warming Upto to Pune

- Chai and Upma/Poha at the Y-point in the Pune University over eclectic conversation…it used to be great fun with one-time soul-brother/friend, but any good friend will do for company in changed times.
- Cappucino and conversation with Kitana at the “adda” i.e. Law College Road Barista. We’ve talked ourselves hoarse (atleast I have), laughed, cried, had crazy fun…in short spent some of the most memorable moments there!
- Drive/ride down the lanes and by-lanes of the city that are still shaded by those gorgeous canopies of trees, admiring the old buildings and houses while my friend (and driver) worries about the insane road and traffic!
- Spend an entire evening at the German bakery, lingering over a cappuccino or lemon cheese cake, discussing n’importe quoi, all the while getting vaguely amused by the people that walk into the place.
- (This is the strangest) Teaching at AFP. It’s not really city-specific, yes, but I started teaching in this city and it’s perhaps on the few things that gives me immense pleasure today. Mind you, just teaching – the rest of the parcel that comes with work could be improved! ;-)

Well there you have it – I, hereby, pass the baton onto Apercevoir, E vestigio, Casablanca and Nocturne.

Current Mood :- Peaceful. Content. Happy. Naughty. Mad.
Current Music:- Two out of Three by Bonnie Tyler
Recent Films :- The Devil Wears Prada , The Constant Gardener (both are highly recommended by me for different reasons – DON’T miss either!)

I Don't Want To Fight No More

They say my outlook towards life has changed. They say I'm becoming incresingly negative, cynical. They say I'm sad - that I should try and be happy. I wonder how they can have the gall to say these things to me, when they have been responsible for my tears, for the pain I've been through, particularly in the past few months. I wonder how they can look themselves in the eye and not flinch when they think of the lies and the betrayals. I've been kicked before - this isn't the first time and I've always forgiven, moved on and bounced back. But not this time - this time something inside me seems to have broken beyond repair. This time, I am not only hurt, I'm disgusted and I'm furious...and I want the person to pay for single-handedly opening my pandora's box, for reviving all the demons I thought I'd slain, for every tear I've shed, for the sleepless nights, for the hours I've spent staring blankly at the television while tears rolled down my face, for each time I reached out for my medicine to drown the pain.

I didn't want to believe - I held back for so long, but then I told myself that not everyone is a jerk, that I shouldn't punish new friends for mistakes made by someone before them. I should have gone with my first instinct. I should never have believed, for a little over a month after I opened my heart, allowed myself to believe the promises and I began to trust the person would be there for me, the door came slamming into my face - and I'm sitting once again surrounded by emotional debris in the aftermath of a storm that's splintered yet another friendship beyond repair. I fought the storm - I didn't want this to happen, but when the other person simply doesn't care about what happens to the friendship, when the person couldn't even care whether I live or die, what can I do?

I don't understand - I've never hurt any of my friends. I've never been embarassed of them, or been ashamed to admit to other friends and family that I love them. I've never hidden the fact that I'm spending time with them because they didn't gain the approval of someone else in my life. I've loved them despite their flaws - hell I've loved them for their flaws. I've loved them for who they are, not because they reminded me of someone else! I've always pushed aside my issues, my problems to be there for them when they needed me - smiled, laughed with them to make them feel better even when I was crying inside. I've bent over backwards to accomodate them, their whims and fancies, their eccentricities, their schedules - so why then do I get treated like a second-class citizen, whose feelings don't count? I thought I was a nice person to know and to have as a friend. Apparently some people don't agree with me.

I would never have called myself cynical or even pessimistic for that matter – always believing that things would fall into place in the end. I don't know anymore...all I know is that I don't deserve this. I don't want to feel this blind rage. I definitely don't want to be hurt. There's just so much I can take and this year has just been one blow after another. I'm retreating into a cocoon once again where noone can hurt me. I'm tired. I'm really tired.

Dog Day

(A one-time Orange, now Hutch advertisement, that seems to capture the essence of my days perfectly! God I'm bummed out these days, not to mention feeling like I could fade off the surface of the earth and no one would really care. Grumpf.)

The Wonder Years (1988-1993)

I'm from that generation that witnessed the entry of "Cable TV" into their homes and watched English programmes on a rationed Star Plus that was initially aired only in the evenings and gradually became a 24/7 channel. I grew up watching The Wonder Years, that awesome, warm, intelligent, lovely, bitter-sweet tale of Kevin Arnold growing up in suburban USA - I kinda grew up with him and miss watching it. Went back to some quotes from the show - here are my favourites:-

“All our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope... all the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, there's someone perfect... who might be searching for us.”

“Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up.”

"Change is never easy. You fight to hold on. You fight to let go. "

"Love can tear and rip you apart. It can kill you. But if you’re lucky, it can put you back together. "

"Winnie Cooper: Yes I do like him.. not like-him-like-him but yes I do like him."

On the Tragicomedy that is My Life!

05.45 hrs. 04/09/2006.
The alarm rung and I rolled out of bed to get ready and leave for class at 06.45 hrs. I was out of the house dot on time, got a bus easily enough and was at Alliance Française at 07.45, not too early but early enough for class. The staff room was open, so even though I was there as a student at that time, I walked in and settled myself in one of the armchairs. I was reading the papers, when at 07.57 something started bothering me. There didn’t seem to by any other students around. Ok, so the students aren’t as punctual as I am, but surely the professor would be here by now? I knew something wasn’t right and with my luck class had probably been cancelled!

At 08.02 one of the receptionists (the nice, efficient one) who’s doing 1B right now walked up the stairs and expressed astonishment at seeing me there so early – when I told her that I was there for the Cours de Traduction, she stared at me in disbelief and confirmed my suspicions. “But didn’t ****** call you and inform you that it’s not starting today? There aren’t enough students! What will you do now?” I had two hours before my class – boy was I early for class today! I shrugged my shoulders in resignation and said I’d probably kill time at a café till 09.30.

I called up my guardian angel in Pune, Kitana, who seems to have always been there when I needed a friend in the recent past. After expressing my irritation and frustration I told her I’m going to go grab a cuppa cappuccino at the nearby Barista (our Adda). I picked up my bag and decided to walk down since it was a lovely morning with a nice, refreshingly cool breeze.

***

The Way It Happens in The World of Novels:-
I walk down to Barista, the breeze playing with my hair, smiling at the sound of the birds chirping in the trees and the sight of people rushing to work, while I was going to enjoy an unexpected cup of coffee! A short walk later, I walked into a cozy, welcoming café, ordered my cappuccino and croissant (or better yet, bagel!) and settled into the couch with my novel. Once I had my coffee, I curled up and lost myself in the novel, only to find myself disturbed with “Could I be impertinent as disturbing you?” I look up into a pair of the warmest eyes, twinkling lightly with humour and mischief. A little surprised at this new turn of events, I just stared at him tongue-tied. He pulled out the accompanying arm-chair and introduced himself. Pulling myself together, I reminded him pertly that I hadn’t asked him to join me. Lifting an eyebrow lazily he asked me if it would bother me so much to humour a fellow human for a few minutes. At a loss for words again, I just shrugged and reached hurriedly for my cup to hide my confusion…

Forty minutes later, I reached reluctantly for my bag. It was time for class – time seemed to have flown past, so enjoyable had the conversation been. He rose with me, reaching for his car keys that were lying on the table between us, lifting that eye brow inquiringly, “Let me drop you to work?” I smiled back in agreement. We parted ways at the gate having fixed a date for dinner (obviously candle-lit) later in the week and I walked up the steps of the building with lightness to my step that hadn’t been there earlier.

The Way It Happens in The Real World:-
I started walking to Barista, enjoying the walk and the cool breeze, despite the fact that the roads were dug up and thus dusty. I reach Barista, itching to wash my face because it feels coated with several layers of dust and the exhaust fumes from all the vehicles that had raced past me carrying their hassled, frustrated owners to work…only to find the gates firmly shut! The watchman informs me that it won’t open till after 09.00! Am I supposed to have my early morning cup of coffee at mid-morning? Refusing to let myself believe there’s a conspiracy against me, I head to the Café Coffee Day further down the road – that too, is not yet open! ARGH!!!

Feeling my blood begin to simmer, I hit the speed dial button for Kitana and wail in distress! She suggests Krishna, an Udipi between the two cafés, promising to join me soon. I head over to Krishna (it’s open and serving breakfast – god bless Udipis!) and order filter coffee. As I waited for Kitana to join me and watched the people walk/drive past, my mind began to idly drift in the direction of a story. But, this is the REAL world, so I dragged myself back to reality, pulled out my diary and started jotting down notes for the next day’s class and making an exercise!

Kitana arrived soon enough and we chatted for a while before heading back at AFP – I learnt there from the super-inefficient and extremely annoying receptionist that he has “misplaced” my form and that’s why he “forgot” to call me! ARGH!!! Stamping down the urge to break something over his nearly bald head, I told him that’s not my fault. Accepting his sorry excuse of an apology, I walked out of the reception wearily, wondering when the class would start…ah well, I had a class to take in 2 minutes and had to walk in with a smile!

***

So, ladies and gentlemen, Cours de Traduction is temporarily postponed/shelved until further notice and I’m now waiting to see whether this course or Diplôme en Français d’Affaires will start first and will enroll myself for which ever beats the other!

On a lighter note, Kitana and I went for Asterix and the Vikings after my class – it is such a FUN film (goes without saying since it’s an Asterix, but yet!)! My first Asterix film in English – a very “rocking” and modern Asterix, if I may say so myself, this is a complete Must-see!

Yet another nice thing to happen – today was Teacher’s Day (my first as a teacher)! I walked into class to receive compliments for my dress and perfume - my eyebrows must have hit my hairline when one of the male students sniffed appreciatively at me and said the perfume is excellent! He was followed by the other students who wished me and presented me with a lovely card (personally made), flowers and a chocolate! My day was made – totally!

:-)

Alias Grace - Book Review

Even though my promised review of Casa Rossa is not yet up (I'll put it up - cross my heart and all that), here I come with yet another review of another Atwood. Alias Grace, which took me embarassingly long to finish, given my current discontent with the world (myself included) at large. Check it out people!

Update :- I'm going to be studying again! Lève les bras, danse avec moi! Cours de traduction (Translation course) starting Monday. Twice a week only, so it's not going to be hectic...and it fits in quite well with my current class schedule - quite excited about it. Hope it doesn't turn out to be a wrong decision! And there's this one other thing that I hope falls into place...let's see. *crossing my fingers*

Current Music :- Crossroad (the album) by Bon Jovi.

Current Mood :- Implaccably ruthless. I want my pound of flesh..and I just got it.

Who Needs A Guy?

I've been known to to speak my mind when I'm with my close friends, but rarely do I bother wasting my energies with strangers (preferring instead to mentally lash out at them or havemy fun at their expense later - yeah I'm wicked) - but sometimes I can't hold my tongue and then ofcourse much fun happens :-)

I recently had much fun and gave an obnoxious relative a mini-heart attacks of sorts...thought I'd share the fun...

(Scene - I'd taken the pain to dress up after ages, so I was actually looking quite raapchik, even if I say so myself!)
Obnoxious Relative :- You know, Geetanjali bitiya is quite pretty and can look quite nice if she makes an effort.
Me :- I know. What exactly is the point being driven home here?
OR :- You would look so much better if you took care of your looks and wore contact lenses.
Me :- I think I look nice enough just as I am, thank you.
OR :- But imagine what nice boys you'd get if you made some effort!
Me :- Maybe I don't want a nice boy...
OR :- *Look of confusion and a little shock*
ME :- Seriously, why would I want a guy? What can a guy give me today that a girl can't?
OR :- *Complete shock*
(Others in room stare at me with their jaws dropping to the floor, some chortling in glee at my wickedness, knowing I'm going to have some poor souls worrying about my sexual preferences and probably concluding this is the reason why I'm still unmarried at the grand old age of 24 years!)
Me :- *Bliss* (I know she won't bother me for some time now! SCORE!!!)
(More such crazy conversations - In Paris and at Getting Gorgeous at CCD

New word discovered that I'm dying to use - tarantism (TAR-uhn-tiz-uhm) noun - An uncontrollable urge to dance.

[After Taranto, a town in southern Italy where this phenomenon was experienced during the 15-17th centuries. It's not clear whether tarantism was the symptom of a spider's bite or its cure, or it may have been just a pretext to dodge a prohibition against dancing. The names of the dance tarantella and the spider tarantula are both derived from the same place.]

Current Music :- Rock On (the new version) by Def Leppard
Current Mood :- Restless. Blue. Wicked. Satisfied.

Move Along

It's a nice, bright Sunday - the skies are a clear azure after ages (hell, I don't even remember when was the last time we had a such a beautiful day!), the breeze that's blowing through the window is delightfully cool and is ruffling the curtain ever so lightly (not to mention my freshly washed, fragrant hair). All this should have set my heart skipping out a jolly tune and a smile fluttering lightly on my lips..why then is my heart sinking into the grips of fingers so icy they hurt as they tighten and squeeze around my heart?

Current Music :- Move Along by The All American Rejects
"When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through"

Sigh...

Spent some lovely relaxed moments with a friend the past two days - and coming home today, I was hit by how short-lived, how ephemereal these moments of joy are...and I smiled almost sadly to myself. It makes me treasure these moments all the more, for I know that in the next couple of months my "social" life is going to go downhill again. The pampering is over, soon the fun, too shall be a thing of the past. Sigh.

Current Mood :- Restless. Fed-up of being walked all over and being taken for granted. Disillusioned and disappointed.

Question of the Day :- Why do people make promises they never intended to keep?

Thought Cloud

Rains. Torrents.
Wet. Disillusioned. Greens. Potholes. Pain.
Hungry. Not. Bored. Garam Chai. Fritters. Tears.
Cappuccino. Hurting. Where’s the Sun? Memories.Black.
My chest hurts. So does my back. And my head. And my heart.
Nostalgia. Bored. I need a Book. Anger. Questions. Bruised. Battered. Grumpf.
Defeated.“It Must Have Been Love”. Idle hours. Emptiness. Disgust.
Blah! “Hasta La Vista”. Cognac.Employment. Apathy. Resolutions.
Craters. Muck. Ick. “I Will Survive.” Am I Not Good Enough?
Wicked. Fangs. Plain Jane. Independence. New focus.
A New Day. Sunshine. Atlast. Busy again.
I Miss you Papa. A lot. Blue.

Floral skirt. Pink. Pretty.
Content. Peace.

Out Of Action

Temporarily out ofa ction due to unforeseen circumstances (that being voltage fluctutation which got through UPS and spike-buster which rendered useless the computer, which is essential for blogging!!) ...

Sigh, such is the life these days! Please to be the forgiving and to be the missing my lovable presence...

Aaj Kal Hassi Badi Mehengi Ho Rakhhi Hai Duniya Mein

Omkara. Vishal Bharadwaj's adaptation of the Shakesperian tragedy Othello. I've seen it twice and I'd gladly go for it a third time, without a second's hesitation, provided it's still running in cinemas after the release of that god-awful Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna. No, I haven't seen the latter and neither do I have any intention of doing so - I've successfully avoided most of theYash Raj - Johar banner films since KKHH and I'm damn proud of it! Unfortunately Omkara is already making its way out of cinemas (atleast in Pune) - and once again I am appalled at how culturally ignorant and philistine we can get! I won't bother waxing lyrical about the brilliance of the film - the adaptation to a very believable north-Indian semi-urban milieu, the casting (yes even Kareena Kapoor failed to get on my nerves) and characterisation, the music (I simply can't stop humming the title track and "Bidi"), the attention to detail (did you notice Kareena's nails in the scene at the prison at the beginning of the film?), not to mention the performances (Konkana, being the best - how that lady transforms from a Bengali to an Iyer Brahmin to a hip-young-urban-journalist to an uneducated woman from a UP village is just unbelievably awesome!) are all worthy of a standing ovation.

I won't even bother lashing out at the junta that went for the movie and walked out saying they got bored and didn't understand it - can hardly blame them, if they've been fed sentimental crap like Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gam (gag!!!), or worse the Garam Masala genre of comedy (puke!!!) - ab unpadh ko kya samjhana Shakespeare kaun tha! What I fail to understand and forgive is the educated lot, who have read a reasonable amount of literature and who walk out saying the film was a torture, that it gave them a headache..and the worst of them all, that Shakespeare was a sadist to write tragedies!!! Mon Dieu - could we indulge in any more blasphemous sacrilege? How do you explain to these people what a wealth of knowledge about the human psychology is to be gleaned from Shakespeare's plays, that all the courses of psychology and HR management couldn't teach you what reading (and understanding the meaning behind the words) Shakespeare's plays could teach you? And pray, tell me what's this nonsense about cinema existing only to provide entertainment (and that too, the senseless variety?) - whatever happened to cinema being the Seventh Art and Art existing to represent Reality, not to mention make us stop and think? Where, where have we gone and donated our grey cells? Why, why are we insisting on turning into this mindless pulp of humanity that cannot deal with an intelligent subject?

[Read Aristera's review of the film - I couldn't agree more with him!]

Current Mood :- On the warpath since Wednesday - have been sharpening my talons and fangs and sinking them into every available (not to mention unsuspecting) victim at the slightest opportunity. Inner angst makes me shed my angelic demeanour!
Current Music :- Kylie Minogue - Come Into My World, In My Eyes, More More More
Current Book :- Alias Grace - Margaret Atwood

Happy Friendship Day (ahem)

For the longest time I’ve silently rebelled at being judged by others’ parameters of what’s acceptable and what’s not. Through-out adolescence I had major issues with the whole concept of “cool” and “hep” and being “in” – having gone through a tumultuous adolescence and felt excluded and to quite an extent, marginalized and yes, judged by ridiculous standards, I developed a strong dislike for pigeon-holing of people into categories, just any Tom Dick and Harry who doesn’t even know you. Till today I react strongly at being cast into a particular image…

I thought I’d left all these things behind, but it seems not. Irrespective of how old one gets, one continues to be judged by others – what’s worse is that it’s not always the stranger or the outsider that does it. When close friends who are apparently there because they’ve accepted you for what you truly are, suddenly rear up and start judging you on the basis of appearances or hold you at gun-point for what is not acceptable to them, it feels like the worst kind of betrayal. Isn’t friendship supposed to be based on acceptance of differences? It forces me to take a step back and re-evaluate my friendships – forces me to think before I talk about something…and that to me is not real friendship. That’s a bloody farce in the name of friendship and frankly I could do without it…

…oh I almost forgot, today is Friendship Day! Right then, Happy Friendship Day to all of you out there – remember to be true to your “friends” through-out the year not just this one day. (Total kill-joy, ain’t I?) :-)

Current Mood – Wierdly pensive and dark to suit the dull, grey, watery weather.
Current Music - Walk Away – Kelly Clarkson
Current Book – NOTHING! I haven’t touched a book in what seems like aeons – I need to read something and feel good about myself again. Time to hit the cartons for books not yet read…

Those Were The Days...

Goodbyes Suck!

I hate saying Goodbye...and I'm dreading the moment more than I care to admit. FUCK but I'm going to miss her so god-damn-much!

Current Music:- J'ai besoin d'amour - Lorie
Current Mood:- Nostalgic. Contemplative. Cold. Tired.

Random Tag...

I thought..such things don't REALLY happen, but they apparently do.
I said...I wouldn't fall but I did anyways!
I want to...make my parents proud of me.
I wish... I could turn back time.
I miss... Papa. Alot.
I hear... they don’t make them like that anymore.
I wonder... about many things, not all of them worthwhile.
I regret... not having said enough when I had the time.
I am... a hopeless romantic, boringly sensible and quite practical, even though undeniably eccentric.
I dance... rarely in public, but very often (and best) in the mornings all by myself.
I sing... terribly out-of-tune.
I cry... way too often these days.
I am not always... sensible, much is the pity.
I write...not as well as I would like to and not nearly as much as I'd like to.
I confuse... people alot when I "zap" into my juvenile mode!
I need... to feel like I'm in control of my life.
I should try... to let go sometimes.
I finish... things I take up voluntarily, but not those forced onto me.
I get turned on by . . . intelligence and honesty when it comes to emotions.
I seek . . . happiness.
I won’t . . . ever be such a blind besotted fool again.
I shouldn’t . . .worry so much.
I confess . . . to enjoying Mills & Boons (there goes down the drain any future attempt at Literary Snobbery!)
I claim . . .to be Plain Jane :-)

Quarter-life Crisis?

If someone asked me a month back if I’d ever stop blogging, I’d reply in the negative without a second’s hesitation. Not any longer – despite the fact that my blog has been my baby for the last three years, I find myself hesitating when I approach it these days. Unfortunately my blog has been the reason for some misunderstandings in my life, and it has forced me to question if perhaps my blog hasn’t played a hand in complicating my life a little. As it is, since the beginning of this year life has been a freaking roller-coaster with a tendency to swerve in any odd direction it wishes.

So many times over the past few months, I’ve stopped myself and questioned my actions – so many of the events in the last few months don’t seem like my life, so many of my actions don’t seem like mine. But it is my life and they are my actions – I worry constantly about what I’m doing. I worry that one wrong decision today could lead to a lot of pain and confusion tomorrow. Then again how can I be so sure that the said decision would be wrong? I worry that I’m being selfish in allowing myself to enjoy the happiness that is coming my way. Then again don’t I deserve it? I worry that the happiness is temporary. Then again isn’t happiness always temporary? Don’t troubles and worries always dog the steps of content and peace? So then I worry that I worry too much and that I worry needlessly.

Gah – add to it the confusions created by what I’ve said on my blog – it’s almost like Geebaby too is going through some kind of quarter-life crisis! Sometimes I think I should perhaps not blog anymore! * Shudder * No, I don’t think that is possible – Geebaby has been MY space to vent out thoughts and emotions and any scant creative bursts for too long now and I don’t think I can completely give it up…but perhaps it’s time Geebaby grew up and donned a different avatar.

So there, you have it, there are going to be some changes here people – I may be back from the short hiatus, but I ain’t the same no more!

Current Music:- Wind of Change - Scorpions, Something Stupid - Robbie Williams and Nicole Kidman, Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough - Patty Smith, To Be With You - Mr. Big (the last two being two of my favourite romantic tracks!)

Current Book:- Brainfever Bird – Allan Sealy

Current Mood:- Swerving between contemplative and content – haven’t felt this good about myself in ages and I’m finding it bloody odd!

Low. Lost. Betrayed...

Mood Therapy Anyone?

Who needs a loony-bin or a fancy spa-resort to fix those grey moods when Bombay is just around the corner to breathe life back into me, to slay my demons and to revitalise me sending me back with a calmer, more peaceful mind? For four days, I lived in an idyllic world, where all I did was eat, drink, swing, watch television/movies, talk and laze around. Friends had been saying I need to take a break and get away from town (preferably to the city that breathes life into me) so when my usual flying visit to Bombay got extended thanks to the rains bringing the magnificient city "to a standstill" (ahem!) you can imagine the miracles it worked on me!

Activities:- As I said, I unwound totally - swinging gently, watching the world race past through a window overlooking my favourite park in the city or watching television. I discovered Sex and the City (yes, yes I'm slow in discovering such things - what to do I'm pop-culture deprived these days!) and had a whale of a time chuckling over the antics of Carey and co. I got totally mind-f***ed watching Closer on a rainy, romantic morning, when I should have been watching much cuddled in someone's loving arms (yes yes we don't need to remind that those loving arms still haven't made an appearance - gah!)! I rolled my eyes at the media reports of "baarish ki dehshat" that had the "yatayat thap" - pray tell me is it just the goverment and the civic bodies thata re to be blamed for the mess in that city? When are we as citizens going to take some responsibility? I "braved" the rains and let the "man" have his way (Muhaha), attempting to get to Bandra, when Juhu was water-logged only to turn around and come back to my "ilaaka" and head to good ol' Fame Adlabs for an incredibly ridiculous Superman Returns (please don't expect a review beyond this - "rolling my eyes"). I've had some amazingly delicious food - O Calcutta, Café Basilico, Pizza Casa, Café Biona and some very basic food - Swadesh, Appointment(!!) and Guju-ghar-ka-khana. I allowed myself to get buzzed by drinking wine too fast on a nearly empty stomach and I rejected Vodka - it simply doesn't excite my tongue enough to bother with it. I'll stick with my wine, cognac and smooth, hot-n-sexy liqueurs please! I've been made to walk, seriously walk in my completely-inadequate-for-walking sandals just because that's what we do when we are together (reference to bosom pal M). I've talked and talked till my vocal chords ached - I've giggled and chuckled and laughed over men, love and life...I realised that I've finally put my biggest mistake behind me. That chapter is closed. Finally. I finally gave into my urge to shop and indulge in retail therapy when I walked into Landmark, the awesome bookstore I've heard so much about, and bought books and music after many months. I followed that up, by picking up a sexy pair of trousers and a tee, when I was out helping a friend shop! Hehe!I got my hair chopped off - yes quite drastic this time. Actually short - shorter than it has ever been!!! I exchanged a crazy number of text messages and talked for quite a long time with friends back in the hamlet, all the time agonising over how my carefully maintained balance has been getting screwed with since last month - oh to hell with it, it's worth it!

Humans encountered:- Aristera, my graceful host who can get grumpy and chauvinistic at times and must be pampered but is on the whole one charming, adorable, huggable darling! A, my friend all set to fly off to the land of golden opportunities to pursue those dreams of hers - who I will miss more than I care to admit, even though I've tried hard to teach myself to live without her there everytime I turned around. M, who I have learnt to live without, as long as there are emails and telephones to pull into immediate use when that crazy voice is needed to inject hope back into my system - she still hasn't changed a bit! Extempore, the only friend outside the inner circle I deigned to meet (Muhaha!) - it felt good to indulge in some intellectual (ahem) conversation with her over Vodka, liqueur, pizza and Sex and the City! Got introduced to V, about whom I've heard plenty - now that I know that there is one nice person in that gang, I'm waiting to meet the others! (Hint hint)

....and then I sped back once again to reality, over an expressway that couldn't get more sublimely sexy. If I ached for some romance when I was swinging and looking out at the rain-drenched city, my yearnings for it were ten-fold as I gazed out of my window at the lush-green hills and the silvery cascades gushing down the hillsides as the bus cut through a fine misty fog that gently covered the ghats. Reality met me in the face of a pick-up from the bus-stop by AR(yes I'm very pampered these days - sue me for it!), followed by a quick-stop at work, non-stop class for 5 hours and a surprise birthday party for a senior colleague (professor) at AFP who turned 60 yesterday - my first work-party and was it the greatest fun! ;-) Good company coupled with wine, vodka, food and conversation! This morning brought with it work and freaking real issues to be faced and dealt with once again! Phew - oh well, the break has me energised enough to tackle life anew!

Current Book:- The Girl From The Chartreuse - Pierre Péju
Current Music:- Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper, I'll be There for You - The Rembrandts, Ain't No Mountain High Enough - Marvin Gaye, Footloose - Kenny Loggins(thanks AR for burning that last CD for me)
Current Mood:- Wickedly Morose and Indifferent.

Home

Misty roads led to the place where the heart is happiest - they said I'd take forever. I was home within three hours.

It's the sexiest weather. The skies are gloriously overcast. It's raining - pouring infact. From my vantage point in the swinging basket all I can see are trees beding under the onslaught of the showers. It's divine really. Sublime.

Last night was a fun-fun-fun night after oh-so-long. There was wine, cuisine par excellence at Cafe Basilico, good conversation (even girl-talk and guy-talk!) and friends. Happy - that's what I was last night. Just happy. The wine, I think, helped, but in general there was happiness in the air. Home in the rains, with my closest friends for company - little more could I ask for. Kept questioning it - it's been so long since I felt this carefree and happy. Happy. Yes I know I keep saying it...sssshhhh!

Strangely enough the overcast skies seem to have cast a shadow on my mood this morning...it's true I think, question happiness and you aren't happy any more!

On a happier note, though, am here for atleast two more days. Two crazy, fun-filled days I hope - am sure the mood will improve...and the downpour just got crazier!

Voila...

Current Music Addictions : I Wish I Was A Punk-rocker - Sandy Thom , Crazy - Gnarl's Barkeley

Mellow...

Sitting by the balcony, a lazy breeze wafting in through the doors left wide open, the scent of Ceylonese mint tea par excellence meandering its way upto my nostrils, I can't help but let my mind drift and generally take stock of things. The first-half of the year, has by any standards been one crazy roller-coaster ride, each new development taking me by surprise, good or bad.
The other day I was chatting with a close buddy away in the land of golden opportnities since a month (he objects to my flagrant disrespect of people's privacy on my blog, so I shall restrain from naming him) and it struck me on just how much has happened this month. There were the days of sheer workoholicism and there are the days of sheer idleness and daily vellagiri. I've met someone of whom I'm strangely fond. I've been at the receiving end of very flattering attention, which has made me question its source and wonder why it couldn't have been more appropriate. I've felt lost, lonely and anchorless. I've learnt how to battle my demons with greater efficacy than ever before - and yes I think I'm slowly learning to talk about them as well...i.e talk when it matters, not when the demons have been temporarily slayed! I've dealt with work-place politics and discovered that I'm quite my father's daughter in dealing with such things - something that not only reassured me but also filled me with pride. Incidentally I do believe that the winds of change have started blowing and the work-place should soon become more than just a professional stop, with the general atmosphere improving vastly because of certain developments.

Prem Joshua is playing on Papa's laptop as I type this - and strangely enough for the second time in two days I'm itching to write again, after more than a year. Speaking of music, I never got around to talking about the two concerts I attended this month, both organised by AFP as a part of the Fête de la Musique celebrations - for the uninformed, the Fête, is celebrated every year in France on the 21st June (summer solstice) since 1985. Started off by Jacques Lang, it basically is a celebration of music with concerts held everywhere - on streets, in cafés, in schools, hospitals..even prisons. AFP did its bit, by organising a pre-fête concert of world music and ofcourse the main event on Saturday, albeit a couple of days after "the" day. The world music concert, inappropriately titled Jugalbandi, was quite mindblowing stuff to put it mildly. If not for the sad choice of venue, it would have been one rocking concert - a group of people from vastly different cultural backgrounds came together to make some kick-ass music. For the brief hour or so, I was transplanted to another plane and I remembered why I used to say that Music is my Porn! :-)

The second concert, which Aristera has also spoken about was the main Fête de la musique concert, organised in collaboration with Max Mueller Bhavan Pune. The venue, this time was perfectly divine - a cozy atmosphere at the MMB lawns on a cloudy, monsoon evening. The students and staff of both institutions put up a pretty good show - whether it was the renditions of western classical masterpieces (Beethoven and Mozart) on the piano, or the utterly charming pocket choir, or the rocking performances by the AFP students and faculty - nothing like a good musical evening eh?

La Vie, Cest Une Salope!

Ah oui, ça c'est vrai. Life is so totally one rocking and completely unpredictable bitch. Ok, why am I saying something of this sort - ain't I supposed to be feminist incarnate? Even my students think so now...jesus, pray tell me what vibes I emanate that people who barely know me merrily label me feminist and manage to find enough supporting evidence for it as well! Ok digressing...so yeah, perhaps life ain't a bitch, but it sure as hell is anything but a smooth ride.
It's been one insane week - have gone from working 7 days a week, to working only weekends - I'm busier on weekends now, having accepted to take on the new kids course for the school session, but haven't a single class during the week. The whole idea of all those many idle hours has all but driven me up the wall in despair - free time is something I have come to fear, for it means too much time to think, and I fear my thoughts. Alot. So, after relaxing and restoring my energy levels for a fortnight, I intend to start exploring options - if Geetanjali can't teach, she will study. :-)

I've experienced one crazy gamut of emotions in this one short week - have gone from content and satisfied to worried sick, from exhilarated to down-right depressed, from wickedly naughty and cheeky to plain prosaic and as dull and lifeless as I could get, have given vent to pent-up emotions and exercised an iron-control over them - wondering if I've let something get out of control and hoping it doesn't blow up in my face as last night did! The whole week sure took it's toll on me. By Saturday night I was oh-so-close to exploding, and this with best buddy in town and sudden plans to hit the town (instead of the quiet dinner I'd planned and hope for) with people I didn't want witnessing me at my nastiest, weakest best when all I want to do is lash out blindly and hurt someone just as much as I am hurting inside. Boy, was my head a cauldron of wild emotions last night - still amazed at how I survived the night!

A quieter Sunday has restored the calm and peace inside me - merci bon dieu. Class was great fun today - I'd never imagined that I'd get such pleasure from teaching, and it continues to amaze me with it's healing powers. It sure as hell works wonders for my messed up brain! Followed up class with a quiet half-n-hour by myself (after oh-so-long) sipping cappucino and reading Greek plays, till friend joined me...had a nice, lazy lunch that left me satiated and lazier. Sunday siesta after a long long time - it's been a nice, lazy Sunday and much as I'd like to follow it up with a nicer, lazier Monday there are things that must be taken care of as soon as possible.

Current Music :- Donna Summer - Hot Stuff, This Time I Know It's For Real. Go West - King of Wishful Thinking, Faithful Retro Music Rocks! :-)

Current Book :- Still reading Euripedes' plays - slower progress this time, but satisfying nevertheless.

From the Freak's Desk...

Light-hearted and carefree since last evening. The skies opened up last night and it poured - oh, it was such a fine display of nature's passion. Lightening streaks zigzagged across the skies heavy with pregnant clouds, setting the atmosphere for the downpour to follow. Later everything smelt so wonderfully clean, the air was redundant with the heavenly scent of freshly watered earth. The crazy Pune roads with their potholes were a mass of delightful puddles that reflected the headlights of cars zipping past in a mesmerising patterns.

Am at home today after the longest time - have worked hard the last one month, without a single day's break. One of my two batches took their exam last Friday - feels strange to not be thinking about that class anymore. Oddly enough I haven't the faintest clue whether I'll be teaching much in the new session apart from my weekend course. We aren't too high on organisation these days at AFPune. Heh. That was sarcasm incase you didn't get it. Odder yet, instead of being lazy and relaxing I've been busy all morning cleaning, dusting, organising papers and files, creating more exercises, classifying them according to grammatical category to facilitate easier access when I need them later - shit I'm such a freak!

The skies are overcast once again - and my heart's begin to skip a merry beat again...am sitting with my headphones plugged in, my fingers dancing across the keyboard as myriad, delightful images flit across my mind's eye and my senses are electrifyingly active. It's the perfect weather for good, rocking music, long strolls by the sea or under a canopy of trees, huge mugs of coffee, meandering conversations - it's the perfect weather for words. Oh how I ache for some soul fulfilling conversation with one of my buddies.

Current Music - Bon Jovi (Miracle, Something for the Pain, Wild in the Streets, Sleep when I'm Dead, Born to be my Baby) - he rules!

A Prosaic Ode to my Pals...

I'm not an extrovert. My social skills are pretty dismal - I've never really learnt to network and have never been great at making friends. Friends, when I do eventually find them are for life - none of the "Best friends today, strangers tomorrow" business for me. Ofcourse I've made mistakes - (who hasn't?) and each of those few times I was shattered by the betrayal. I'd like to believe I've learnt from my mistakes and my choice of friends is not so erroneous anymore ;-)

My list of "friends" isn't terribly long, but I take immense pride in saying that I know that each and every one of these people would stand up for me come what may, and it goes without saying that I'd do the same. Each and every one of them is quite crazy in their own way - my brother often says that I wouldn't befriend someone if s/he wasn't a freak. I think I love that about my friends - there is never a dull moment when I'm with my friends - whether we are just fooling around, chilling out or butting heads over something, it's always intellectually satisfying, not to mention incredible fun!

Messieurs, Mesdames et Mademoiselles, je vous présente mes amis :

The Inner Circle - My guardian angels, my support system - they are my oldest friends and I simply can't imagine life without them. I've grown up with them, they know me inside out, they are the ones who've truly accepted me as I am with all my eccentricites and weaknesses and love me despite them - sometimes I think they love me for them! :-)

Kunu Baba - What can I say about him? He's my dearest friend - I don't know what I'd do without him. I'd be quite, completely lost without him. And if Kunu ever decides he doesn't want to be friends any more, I'd be shattered. Kunu and I have shared so much - all those lovely evenings and memorable conversations over coffees, our trip together to Udaipur, his trips to Pune, staying at his pad when I'm in Bombay, the long walks on the beach - we've known each other for over 15 years now... and in this period, I've learnt so much from him. He's responsible for single-handedly pulling me out of my worst phase and continues to be my pillar of support. Our connection is so great, it's no wonder so many people have thought there's something more to the relationship than 'just' friendship! It's not something I say often, but I absolutely adore you Kunu Baba!

Appu - My adorable, eccentric scientist friend. Mark my words - she's going to make it big one day. I'm so proud of her - so often intimidated by her intelligence as well and have even wondered why she chose me to be her friend. Then I stop myself and think "Well she's made that mistake now and she's stuck with it for life." We've been through our rough patch when we didn't talk to each other and if we did it was to hurt the other - but we've crossed that now. Grew up somewhere along the way, grew closer as well. She's going to fly away soon and I'm going to miss her so much - am going to miss her crazy ways, her stubborn refusals to go out when she's broke, her Bambaiyya rasta language. I'm going to miss hearing her call me "Kamini" or "Raapchik". I'm going to miss seeing her huggable form in those well-worn cotton kurtas and jeans. I'm going to miss talking to her. I'm going to miss her. Period. Wish we'd made one last trip together - it's been a long time since we went somewhere together. I know we're probably going to be on opposite ends of the world for most of our lies, but know this sweetie - I'll never stop loving thee!

Mansi - My craziest, maddest, most frustrating friend ever. She's my rock. She's heard me rant and rave. She's heard me bitch and slander. She's heard me wax lyrical about my latest passion (book/song/movie/interest/man). She's seen me cry like a baby. She's seen me laugh with wicked delight. She's driven me up the wall with her arguments. She's made me tear my hair when she refused to budge from her position. Mansi, is undoubtedly one in a million. I once threw her out of the house for trying to teach me Maths - and didn't talk to her for an entire year...can't believe I wasted so much time. Had I known that one day she wouldn't be within reaching distance, I wonder if I'd have done the same thing. I remember how lost I was when she moved to Muscat - after years of turning around and always finding her there for me, I simply didn't know what to do without her. Even today when she comes down to India and we meet - it's me who talks and talks and talks...and Mansi still has the ability of making me screech in frustration in the middle of the street. Something's never change. My Mansi will never change!

The Puneris - They are going to take my hide for referring to them in this manner, but let's face it guys, you'll are all from Pune! In the short span of one year or so, they've grown to become good friends and have been allowed to step into the inner circle. :-)

Titu Dada - My first friend in Pune - we met through a Writer's Group and bonded over a common interest in fiction writing and later our disgust with the group...only to discover we are alike in so many other things. I've shared so much with him in such a short time, it's wierd. He made Pune bearable - hell, he made me start discovering the good things about the damn hamlet. I think he's my maddest friend after Mansi - ofcourse he is Bengali, so that contributes to his eccentricites. Muhaha - I'm going to have a heated discussion over this comment. Heated discussions - that's our favourite thing to do. Actually, one wouldn't call them heated discussions, as much as fights. Neither of us would be able to digest our food if we didn't fight and argue like juvenile kids over the strangest, silliest, vaguest of things. I usually win, ofcourse, with my superior intellect and memory! LOL! I thought I would lose him as a friend, but I've come to realise that friendships like this one are rare and not only worth fighting for but worth caring a damn about the rest of the world to preserve...and worth tolerating Savera! ;-)

Kitana - Until recently, she had the honour of being my youngest friend. The baccha with whom I hang out with at Law College Road Barista, with whom I gossip about the latest at AFP, with whom I indulge in girl-talk and French-talk and Literature-talk. Sometimes I wonder why we are friends - apart from the age-gap, there was that glaring difference in our personalities. She's the quintessential hep-n-happening, smart-n-with-it collegiate, something I never was. But she's also one of the most genuine, most giving, big-hearted and warmest people I know - her bindaas attitude often leads to her being misunderstood by others, but she's a real gem inside, this kid who brings out the fun-loving, crazy girl in me. We bonded somewhere along the way - and I'm really glad we did Kitana...and sweetie, do what you want, you'll always be the baby keeda for me! ;-)

Mlle Avocat - Well not yet, but she's on her way to the Courts of Law and Justice. Strict, uncompromising, unrelenting, she's someone with a deep integrity. Aloof at first, she's someone with an incredibly warm personality and the best person to talk to when you need sensible, practical advice. Ofcourse, she can be silly and oodles of fun as well - when in the right company, read Kitana who brings out the mischievous devil in all of us! The three of us are so different, yet get along like a house on fire - I haven't spent as much time with her as I'd like to, but I hope to remedy that in the months to come. Mlle Avocat, you are truly a good friend and I'll never forget that.

...and the new kid on the block AR. A really sweet, charming guy, who very recently moved into the slot of my youngest friend, thus successfully displacing Kitana from her place of honour! ;-) In a rather short span of time he's wormed his way into my affections - I'm still not sure how though, specially since he talks non-stop about a topic I know zilch about. Wierder yet, he still manages to keep me entertained (and might just end up educating me on that subject - *shudder*) ;-) I didn't think I'd ever meet a person who could out-do me on my habit of running on like a tape recorder without a stop button, but I've actually found the person! I hope we stay in touch. I have a good feeling about this one.

Let's Go - II

Ahmedabad/Udaipur - Even though my first trip to Ahmedabad was just as peaceful (and I have Kunu Baba to thank for both the trips), the second trip with Udaipur included is definitely dearer to me. Visiting the stepwell of Adalaj early in the morning, when the breeze was slightly chilly despite it being the first week of May - those peacocks dancing in the garden behind the well, sitting on the wall not bothered about the direction the conversation took...the bus ride to Udaipur may have been agonising for my back and I may have returned with the mother of all colds, but Udaipur itself was idyllic. Venice of the East, they say and to me it truly was - from the hotel we stayed in, to those lovely candle-lit meals on rooftop restaurants across the old city, from that visit of Devigadh to walking across the lake to our favourite restaurant in town - this trip ranks high in my memories. :-)

Germany - My longest vacation! Hehehe - seriously, it was supposed to be a student exchange but given that we weren't exactly given any credits for our studies there, it was more of a vacation...and what a vacation it was! Three months away from home - friends say I changed alot during that trip. I think I did - truly came out of the shell I'd been hiding in, grew comfortable in my own skin, grew alot more independant. Germany was great in many senses - apart from the independance, dealing with different people, staying in such a completely alien environment where even the language was unknown to me - making some wonderful friends, one of whom I'm still in touch with...travelling! Wittenberg, Luneberg, Berlin, Hamburg, Heidelberg - and ofcourse Magdeburg where I stayed. I wish I'd seen more - I still hope to go back to Germany, see more of it (this time the Bavarian regions hopefully) and yes, go back to Magdeburg, of which I have many fond memories and visit my favourite German! :-)

Sweden - An offshoot of my German trip, this wouldn't have happened, if not for Papa - he pushed me into it and I stepped into it with quavering feet and butterflies fluttering nervously in my stomach. Missed trains, cancelled trains, unscheduled stop-overs, cold stations later, I reached Stockholm over 12 hours behind schedule, nervous about the strangers I was going to meet - they are now good friends with whom I correspond regularly. Sweden was great - the snow, the reindeer meat, the Viking graves, the typical Swedish meals, the hospitality of my hosts. I think I'd like to go back someday...

France - Merci bon dieu pour me donner une opportunité d'y aller! I'm so glad I got a chance to visit France - to say that it was a dream come true, would not be an exaggeration. I could go on endlessly about the trip - and oft do I lapse into rambling memories of the trip even in class when I'm dealing with the cultural part of the course. Bordeaux, St.Émilion, Paris - it was merveilleux! I walked more than I've walked in my life and got back to Magdeburg with stones as calves, but the amount I soaked in just one week, has stayed with me till now. It's been two and a half years and I'm itching to go back - meet my friends again and see more of this country who's language I so love and am teaching....let it happen next year dear God!

Bhopal - A road trip, we made just a few weeks after I got back from Germany. We drove up to Bhopal for a distant cousin's wedding - it was one big family get-together, but the best part of the trip was the drive to Bhopal, through Maharashtra and Madhya Pradesh, through areas notorious for the dacoits, through seedy, sleepy towns, past the imposing montains of central India, past numerous accidents (a result of the reckless driving Indians in which indulge on narrow, winding highways), stopping for meals at road-side dhabas, the mind-blowing sunsets and the awe-inspiring sunrises - it pretty much all stole my breath and convinced me that there is no country like India....

Two years later, and a few more trips later, I still echo that. There's so much more I want to see of our country. I'm planning a trip down south later this year - hopefully I'll be able to squeeze in Hampi along with Bangalore. *crossing my fingers* There's still the East which I've not seen at all - and then alot of the North...and Jaisalmer...and...and...the list in pretty endless really:-)

Let's Go (I)

I saw the ALTO advert the other day, and within me stirred the desire (buried deep for the past few months) to travel - to take off to a new destination once again, to explore a new place, to just kick back my shoes and relax, let the wind play with my hair and let my hands hang lazily from the side of the bed as I trace crazy patterns on the floor beneath me...and I took a quick jog down nostalgia lane. Later I pulled out my old albums and the memories came flooding back in full force - I can't take leave and travel for quite a while, so I'm going to let my mind do the travelling - this time into the past...

Jaipur - Hot, hot, hot. A luxurious hotel room fit for a royal family - it was one of those palaces converted into a hotel. Papa was on a working holiday - he'd be in conferences most of the day and we'd idle around in the local markets picking up block-printed textiles, cozy razais, mojris, bangles and minakari jewellery. Have rather foggy memories of sight-seeing etc, but three memories are burnt in my mind - the elephant ride in one of those mahals, witnessing a real fight between a snake and a mongoose on the streets of Jaipur and the puppet-show every night in our hotel - I bought a puppet from there and had it for the longest time, till I finally decided to give it away to my maid's niece some four years back.

Kufri/Simla/Chandigarh - Perhaps the family vacation of which I have the fondest and strongest memories. Staying in that cozy log cabin in Kufri, mixing Milkmaid in yak milk to make it palatable, riding on a yak, clambering on hillsides and posing as a hilly-billy in those typical clothes and those fake flower baskets. Strolling through orchards in Simla and Chandigarh, driving down the winding hillsides - the wind still had a slight bite in it and I still needed a sweater in April. I wonder if it's still as idyllic...

Goa - The last real family vacation we took - when the sole purpose of the trip was to relax, roam around, enjoy the local cuisine et al. I'm not one of those who swears by Goa as a holiday destination, but I still remember enjoying this vacation with all it's bumpy rides on Goan roads and crossing the ferry - our car's silencer got busted on the first day and we went around Goa in a car which sounded like a freaking tractor! Picked up tons and tons of shells which broke and gradually disappeared over the years. Papa had resigned from MDS just after this trip and for the next decade or so, he hadn't taken a single vacation. His innumerable business trips across the country and in Europe don't count.

Bangalore - I've been to Bangalore many times, but my most memorable trip would be the one I made with Appu - we were still kids in the way kids were back then. We'd just finished our F.Y exams and had taken off to Bangalore on our own - stayed with my Bua and cousins. Still smile when I think of that evening on M.G road and Brigade road when we'd shopped till we dropped, drooled over the cadets and the Bangalore hotties, sat in Cafe Coffee Day sipping the best cold coffee we've ever had - they just didn't maintain their standards. Memories of the Mysore trip with its 'virginal' sandalwood and silk sarees can still leave me rolling with laughter...and ofcourse reminding Appu of how she gave me the fright of my life when she woke me up by talking (shouting) in her sleep and fighting with her kith-n-kin in her dreams. :-)

Goa (again) - Ironic that it features twice in this list of memorable vacations, despite not being my favourite holiday destination. This trip was made with Appu and was nothing like a typical Goan vacation. We were awaiting our TY results when we took off for Goa - once again stayed with family (this time her Bua) - Goa this time was long strolls on the beaches, exploring Goa on our own, meandering walks through the hills of Goa, late nghts, crazy conversations, scrumpilicious food, rain...and news of my results.

(...to be contd)

Freaks of the World - Don't Call Me at Freakish Hours!

Yes apparently these days evenings start at 2100 hrs and apparently people sleep at 0400 hours. Yes apparently the world is turning upside down - we humans are turning into nocturnal creatures that sleep when the sun is up and are up-n-about when the sun is hiding. But guess what? I've still not crossed over to that side - evenings for me still start at 1700 hours, 2100 hours is night-time and bed-time is 2300 hours. Believe it or not I do wake up between 0600 and 0700 on most days and by 0830-0900 on holidays. Believe it or not, I do believe in the adage "Early to bed and early to rise makes a man, healthy, wealthy and wise." Well actually I'm not so sure of wealthy and wise - but definitely healthy, at peace, organised and content with myself.

So when some random acquaintance (no not a friend, for my friends wouldn't call me at odd hours unless it was important or they needed me to be there for them, which I always am, so don't you dare freaking read anything into this darlings) calls me up at midnight, or sends me a text message at 0320 (and it's not even like these people live in a different time-zone) I want to reach into the phone and personally punch the living daylights out them. Really if you insist on leading a freakish owl's lifestyle, why the hell do you assume so does the rest of the world? Incase you didn't notice we aren't playing Simon says and you aren't Simon. Don't you pause to think that the person might be sleeping, that when the phone rings/beeps you might wake up the person and/or the person sleeping with him/her - and worse yet, make that person worry that something has gone wrong which is why the phone is ringing at such an unearthly hour and then successfully mess up that person's sleep for the rest of the night?

All this to merely say that you happened to be thinking about me after 3/4 months? Couldn't that wait till tomorrow morning?

Why are people becoming so increasingly insensitive about other's lifestyles and routines? The number of freaks calling me up at odd hours has increased so much (and yes it's not a big number since I am not a terribly phone friendly person and don't encourage Tom, Dick, Harry and their cousins to call me up for random conversation) that I've taken to keeping my phone on silent in the afternoons and post 2230 lest the damn ring/beep disturb me or worse Ma, with whom I now sleep. It means unfortunately that at times I miss important calls, but then like that matters to those idiots who were calling just to say "Hi" or sending me a text message which is actually an inane forward about how the birds were chirping when they thought of me...and to think I didn't call and wake up my friends even when I lost my father, because I didn't want to wreck their night as well!

Current Mood:- Impatient. Chatty. Excited (for no reason!). Wicked.
Current Music:- Petit Pain au Chocolat by Joe Dassin

Je suis contente - après très longtemps!

A busy week. A good week. Failed plans that failed to disappoint - I'm finally learning how to not let every small thing affect me. Shit, does that mean that the path to enlightenement has finally opened up? ;-) Spent hours and hours planning classes, creating exercises. Late nights. early mornings. Satisfaction seeping through my bones. Nervousness as well - they better do well, for it's going to reflect on me! Getting spoilt by chauffeur service on an almost daily basis to-n-from work - it's going to hurt when I'm back to being dependant on the bloody unreliable, uncomfortable, unhappening PMT buses! Flattering attention from unexpected quarters - am definitely enjoying it. It's been a long, long time since I felt good about myself - confident of myself. Someone up there is working hard to ensure my days brighten up!
Merci bon dieu - et merci Papa, je suis sûr que c'est vous qui a fait ça!

Current Music - It's a Sin - Petshop Boys.
Current Book - 10 Plays by Euripedes (I'm done with Casa Rossa - it was a fabulous read. Review going up soon!)
Current Mood - Freaking exhausted. My eyes are heavy with sleep, but I'm very content. Incredibly so.

Updates:- The review of Lady Oracle is up on Literary Mosaic. Also check out Shaurya's site - obviously made by his father!

Drifting Along...

I've been planning to post for several days now but considering this is the first time I've accessed my computer in days (having checked my email in a giffy from work, two days back!) it seems a little pointless to post about what I wanted to post about. So then, I'm itching to post but wondering what to post about, since nothing's happening. Ofcourse this blog isn't just about what happens to me , with me, for me, by me - but then to post about the other stuff I want to post about, I need to do a little research first. Well not exactly research but kind of put those thoughts in some semblance of an order! Whoa is this turning out to be a post about what to post? Heheh I like that now! Gosh have I got ideas for posts, but if only I'd log in daily like I used to...de toute manière here's what I intend to post in the next fortnight or so, starting today (and I will post them coz they are already works in progress in the form mental notes) :-

• On Reading Habits (torn between posting this on Geebaby or Literary Mosaic)
• A Prosaic Ode to my Pals (raving about them time and again isn't enough - I have to do this!)
• Why You Shouldn't Call Me Post 22.30
• Random Moments from Holidays
• Book reviews for Literary Mosaic - Lady Oracle (Margaret Atwood - she is a genius!), Casa Rossa (Francesco Marciano - racing through it these days)

Yep that's about it - let's not get too ambitious now, right?

Current Mood :- Talkative. Content with work. Groovy.
Current Music :- Stupid Girl - Pink

PS Did I nearly forget that the pre-monsoon showers have become almost like monsoon showers and that with the rains I've gone to being the light-hearted, crazy, romantic me? Strange considering I don't really like getting wet and hate the muck caused by the showers, but then who said I was not eccentric?

P.P.S Typo in link for Phoenic Mecano India website stands corrected here. Go check it out people!

Naskhutiya Saal?

I've officially declared this year Naskhutiya (Bambaiyya slang for unlucky) as far as personal lives are concerned - everywhere I look people are struggling with their personal lives, trying desperately to cross the innumerable hurdles that are cropping up around every corner. Professionally, things seem to be falling into place but it all seems inconsequential in light of the personal problems.

OK that's it the horoscope for 2006. That will be Rs.1000/- please!

No, seriously, it's strange...I've been observing the lives of my friends, acquaintances and colleagues and am increasingly horrified at how things are going wrong in everyone's personal lives. This monday I arrived at work to discover that a colleague (my age) lost her father and grandmother to heart-attack within a span of two hours. No previous history. No complaints in the recent past. Nothing at all to prepare the family for the brutal shock. She didn't know about Papa - neither did the other colleague who broke the news to me. It goes without saying that I was shaken terribly - took me a while to recompose myself. Visited her, ofcourse - couldn't bring myself to dole out the usual platitudes, because I know that those are just words. I hope she surfaces the tragedy stronger.

Continuing on the naskhutiya note - I had a small accident of sorts. We'd gone for dinner last Sunday - a lovely roof-top restaurant on M.G Road that took me back to my Udaipur trip with Kunu Baba, when we ate at all these delightful roof-top restaurants. On our way down, I slipped on a broken step - my first thought was of my back, which I've injured on previous occassions and due to which I suffer intermittently. So, I twisted and fell on my left arm. It swelled up within minutes and developed a rather ugly colour - was scared I'd factured it, but luckily it was only a bruise. A painful bruise that required a crepe bandage for several days, but just a bruise!
- Actually considering my tendency to fall and get into minor accidents of the sort, that can't be attributed to the naskhutiya quality of the year!

On a different note, it's been a busy week - busy, but good. The teaching can be frustrating at times, when faced with a unresponsive class that refuses to use of their limited grey cells, but on the whole challenging and thus exciting. I'm enjoying it more and more, despite having one semi-dead batch. Ironically, the weekend batch - the one with the professionals who might have had problems with a young professor - is proving to be a far more enthusiastic and fun group! Looking forward to another busy week - busier with rendezvous with friends and perhaps even a visit from a bumchum pal.

Current pick-me-up music for mornings - 80s music. It rocks any time, every time. Modern Talkies - Kylie Minogue - Madonna - Milli Vanilli - AHA - Baltimore Boys - Laura Branigan...

Current mood - Naughty, mischievous. Light. Carefree.

(PS Pune had it's first showers of the season this evening - it's lovely. A cool breeze is wafting through the windows, bringing with it the delightful perfume of the freshly wettened earth. The sultry summer evening has been transformed into a pleasant evening within a few instants.)

Public Secrets - II

Whenever I go over a speed-breaker, I go "Whoopie" no matter what the speed of the vehicle - 20 or 120. It's a habit that dates back to sitting on the back-seat of the school bus and going up in air every time we hit a speed breaker and it's stuck till date. Child-like, yes, but fun as well. It usually succeeds in breaking the frown on my face and turning it into a smile - and makes others smile as well.


Accomplishments of the weekend :- Got back to Lady Oracle and finished it in one afternoon's sitting! Me thinks me's getting back on the reading front - *crosses fingers tight*
Accomplishment of the day :- Actually sat and worked with a dictionary for nearly 2 hours! That's the nerdy me surfacing - nerdy and freaking serious about doing a good job of teaching french!

Current Music:- Who Says You Can't Go Home - Bon Jovi

Current Book:- Short Stories by Thomas Hardy (Don't ask why I'm reading this soporific author)

Website Update:- Phoenix Mecano India - Papa's dream stand tall even though he ain't here any more to see it. Bhaiyya's been working on the website for a while - it's finally up to be visited!

Tell Me Why...

Tell me why life is so damn complicated...
Tell me why the good days seem like a distant memory...
Tell me why despite knowing the power of the word, I keep saying the wrong thing all the time these days and hurting others...
Tell me why my best intentions to help are constantly being misunderstood these days...
Tell me why my efforts to joke either fall flat or end up being more mood-damaging than mood-lifting...
Tell me why my friends won't respond to the plea in my voice when I ask them when they will drag their asses to Pune...
Tell me why my friend no longer calls me a friend. For the first time in five years I didn't lift the phone to dial a number and sing out Happy Birthday in my discordant voice - can't believe that someone who I cherished as much as the closest of my friends chose to shut me out so abruptly. Can't believe I no longer have the right to think of the said person as a friend. Can't believe I was so wrong in my judgement...

Yaar aaj kal bure din chal rahe hain, as far as personal life is concerned...

Public Secrets - I

I talk in gibberish. Absolute gibberish...something to the tune of "higdi-pigdi, kemba la kemba?" and expect you to understand. I haven't received an apt reply as yet, though my 10 month old nephew usually thinks it's something profound and generally responds in a similar lingo. Similar but not the same! ;-)


Weekly update : One inauguration event. Traumatic yet fulfilling. Immensely proud of Papa - his dream stands tall and proud today. Hats off to you Papa - you rock. Totally. Got a new phone the same day - as payment for the two glass paintings.
Flap phone - NOKIA. As usual don't know the model number; who cares about it anyway? The damn phone works and the battery doesn't die within 10 seconds of talktime - that's all I'm interested in! LOL!
Working like crazy - Papa would be proud of me. Bloody hell am now going to be working 7 days a week!!! And oh yes, how could I forget? Finally teaching the regular courses (Forum 1A), something for which I've been patiently waiting and waging a silent, stubborn war, for quite some time now! Strangely there was no feeling of acomplishment or excitement on the first day - hmmmm....
Need to get my hair cut, it's a straggly mess. Need to get a facial - my face desperately needs pampering after all it suffers in Pune's hot polluted environment. Need to go shop for new clothes, specially denims - my old jeans have paint on them! Running short of time all the time - need to organise myself.
Dead. Tired. Weak. Coming down with a cold, throat is already f***ed, brain's shutting down bit by bit - and I think I'm taking two new courses from tomorrow! The week ahead looms large in front of me...

Current Music - Hips Don't Lie - Shakira
Current Book - French notes, Tandem 1, Alex et Zoe 1 - I need serious help in this department! ;-)

...

"...A lot of nice things turn bad out there,Oh baby, baby, it’s a wild world..."

Remember this particular song by Mr.Big? I've been humming it since a few days now. It's a little out of context this song, but I'm not humming it so much for what it says than to keep the thoughts at bay - thoughts that pull me down and make me want to give up. I want Papa so desperately - it's so unfair. Why did he have to leave us? I miss him so much these days - who ever said it's easier as the days go by didn't know what he was talking about. It just gets so much tougher. Been pushing myself to the limits, running myself tired just so I don't dwell on his absence. It doesn't work. A single moment alone, a single idle moment and the tears well up threatening to pour over irrespective of where I am or who I am with...

Tired.
Lonely. So lonely. Conversations don't help. Crowds I don't like.
Missing you...why won't you talk to me?

Dog-tired...

It was another busy week - the heat is sapping all my energy making it so much more difficult to deal with everything. It's also made my students restless and apathetic towards all activities except for "Pendu" a.k.a Hangman.

I'd planned a nice lazy weekend, but it was not to be. The first painting was appreciated alot - since it looked rather forlorn amidst all the plain windows, I was asked to make another one. Short notice this time, but it's ready to be sent to the factory tomorrow morning. I'm not as happy with this one - the heat made working without the fan unbearable, making me irritable and eager to finish the painting as soon as I could. Opted for an easier, simpler design this time, putting in just enough effort to ensure that it would be an appropriate companion for the first painting. Tons of other work also had to be done - a "fiche pédagogique" to be made as a last assignment for my "formation pédagogique" (teacher training), a report about the formation, papers to be assessed, test papers to be set, lessons to be planned for the upcoming week. It's the last week of the first part of the summer session - which means alot of activities need to be planned, to revise all that we've done so far and keep the interest alive so they want to continue into the second level. Gave Schnapps a bath. Spent two long hours with the plants again this morning - from 6 o'clock till breakfast time. Pulled out weeds, trimmed plants, added fertilisers, sprayed pesticides, re-arranged the pots, cleaned the balcony. It felt good to see the plants gently swaying in the early morning breeze, almost as if they were happy with the attention they were getting. On the other hand, my index finger of my left hand has been rendered useless after a thorn from the rose plant went through :-(

Have been listening to love songs all weekend, having stumbled upon a new channel on World Space, apart from my usual RFI and Spin (Top 40) - Amore plays only love songs 24/7. Heard so many of my old favourites after such a long time - the volume kept going up after every third song!

I have been mulling over the genre of children's literature for a while now - wanted to go into details, but till that happens, there's something to start off with on Literary Mosaic and France Say about fairy tales.

Current Song - Bed of Roses by Bon Jovi
Current Mood/Colour - Grey, a washed out dull grey.

The Week-end Ends...

It’s been a terribly busy week-end – it was supposed to be a long weekend, what with the Labour Day and/or Maharashtra Day falling on Monday. But I barely realized when it flew past me and here I am once again on the threshold of a new week.

I slaved over a gigantic stain glass painting throughout Sunday – 36 inches by 46 inches. It was something I promised my father for his office – am living upto the promise with the new MD’s encouragement. He wanted an abstract design as opposed to my usual floral designs. Not the easiest task at the outset, but as usual the process of creating something beautiful took me by storm and I was lost in the process within minutes of setting the outline tube to the glass. It’s come out magnificent – warm, glowing colours, a design that can be interpreted in light of the company’s growth/progress. Papa would have liked it. I wish he were here to give me that assuring smile of approval – have been missing him so much this last one week.

Oft in the past two months have people praised my apparently “exemplary” behaviour and my strength. I don’t know what exactly they meant by it, since I saw no other way to be than the way I have been…for that matter I don’t even know if they meant what they said, having heard a lot of empty promises in this duration. For the past one week the effort to be strong, to be calm and composed has been getting to me and draining me out much more than the physical effort going into any work. Have spent much time under the shower crying my heart out, but there seems to be no end to the tears. I would like nothing better than to just let go. I don’t want to think about other’s problems, I definitely don’t want to pamper anyone else – If only… but then if wishes were horses…

Spent quite some time in our mini-garden this morning – digging up the soil in the plants and putting in the fertilizers and manure. Got my finger-nails disgustingly dirty –though not more than I did yesterday. At least today I didn’t have to use turpentine to get my hands clean. ;-) Once the plants were satisfied with the attention, I moved into the kitchen – making it a practice to indulge in a weekly cleaning and cooking session. Once a week I dust and clean the house properly, working up a very good sweat…and then follow it up by several hours in the kitchen whipping up something I enjoy eating. Well, so do the others, or so I say ;-)

Ah well, the weekend’s nearly over and there’s still work to be done. Let’s hope I can actually rest next weekend…

Question of the day : they say love is blind – I don’t know about that, but pray tell me why love makes people blind to what others are going through?

Realisation of the year : Never put anyone on a pedestal – after having done this several times, I’ve realized that when the said person falls from grace, the fall doesn’t hurt the person as much as it does oneself.

Random Blogging

oniomania (O-nee-uh-MAY-nee-uh, -MAYN-yuh) noun

Compulsive shopping; excessive, uncontrollable desire to buy things.

[From Latin, from Greek xnios (for sale), from onos (price) + -mania.]
Oniomania is another word for the urge to shop till you drop, habit of the debit, thrill of the bill. According to a pearl of ancient wisdom, we don't acquire things, things acquire us. In the case of oniomaniacs, it is perhaps the fun of acquiring things that acquires them.

Imelda Marcos of the Philippines could be one prime example of this category, also known as shopaholics.

-Updates on my other blogs - Something I got tagged for by my dear friend Aristera & Keya on Literary Mosaic and a little something in French on FranceSay

The Week Gone By...

Two blissful rendezvous with two of my oldest and closest friends - alot of heart-to-heart with atleast one of them. We've been friends since school days - disliked each other for most of school, but now closest of friends. It's been over a decade - shit that makes me feel old! One of them is going away - flying away to greener pastures, so to speak, to pursue a Ph.D in cancer immunology. Fancy na? My friends seem to have this knack of picking up high flying, erudite courses! Intelligent lot they are. Eccentric too. Lovable as well. Adorable. Irreplacable.

Two birthdays. One day. The first was nice - cozy, warm, just as birthdays should be with close ones there to bring in your birthday and wish you the best for every single day of your life. Good food. Good conversation. The yummiest home-made chocolate cake. The second was confusing. Too much noise over nothing. Two many flaring tempers. Terrible food....but the yummiest chocolate cake in town! :-)

Two new batches at AFPune this session. Summer courses - still stuck with the kids course, but am enjoying it this time. A bright, enthusiastic bunch of students makes it worth commuting in the infernal Pune heat, not to mention teaching in those stuffy classrooms with non-existent ventilation making them more like furnaces than 'salles de classe'! Planning and preparing for class is also far more enjoyable, knowing that what I do will be received well and appreciated...

Two days alone. Everyone's in tinsel town - taking care of annoying paper-work and even more annoying bank work, while I stay back to baby-sit the house. Well, not exactly - I saw no reason to cancel class just to visit banks, even if they are in the city that breathes life into me! Going to spend my time reading, pampering myself, sleeping, watching a film or two perhaps...and yes, entertaining a friend and visiting cousins!

Current Music - Please don't go - No Mercy (Does anyone remember this one-hit band of three? I used to love this song way back in school!)

Current Mood - Strangely enough, not great despite the good week. Lonely. Terribly so. Not 'coz I'm alone - lonely from inside. The void just keeps growing. :-(

Maunvrat?

It's almost a maunvrat these days, save the few people without whom I wouldn't stay sane and to whom I pour my heart out regularly. Every now and then, I get tired of talking. Yes, me "the-talk-a-dozen-words-a-minute" Geetanjali finds the effort that goes into talking extremely cumbersome and tiring. For a long time I wondered if this is a direct consequence of that dreaded PMS, but then I realised that it doesn't always co-incide with "that time of the month" and so I've come to the grand conclusion that it's not so much due to the hormones as it as due to my incredible personality. So anyways, I don't talk, apart from what is necessary. Friends who come knocking in cyber space and/or telecommunication space for the most part end up being ignored. At times like this, I wonder even more than at other times, how people maintain such large and busy social lives - how they can keep jabbering on-and-on endlessly, meaninglessly without ever feeling the words they utter. I'm glad, then, that my circle of friends is restricted to a select few, with whom words are not really necessary in order for me to communicate what I'm feeling. The silence rejuvenates for I bounce back as talkative as before and genial once again. Not an extrovert - never that! - but genial, yes, definitely.

Seperating the Chaff from the Grain

I’ve lost friends who I included amongst my closest friends and been disillusioned and betrayed – and I’ve met a lot of new people, not all whom I could call friends. I seem like an open person and oft do I say that my life is one bloody open book, but the real me is hidden deep inside and there are very few who get to see it on a regular basis. What irks the most is when people who’ve known me for barely a few months insist that they know me inside out, based on what is almost always a wrong perception of me from the clues they have picked up from a very public part of my personality. I’ve learnt how to separate the chaff from the grain so to speak. The ‘grain’ has never before been as dear as it is now.

Current Mood - Tired. Very tired. Sad. Lonely.
Current Music - Lotus Feet by Shakti.

Changes...

Aristera Baba said he’s changed so much in the past couple of years – I agree, but then I think he’s changed so much since the time I first him! :-) His statement made me think about me and how much I’ve changed in the last few years. They say change is the only thing constant in life – and looking back over the last five years I couldn’t agree more. If someone were to ask me to recapitulate the last five years in a sentence (something very difficult for a person like me – you can ask Aris Baba and he’ll confirm how it’s almost impossible for me to stick to short-n-sweet in my descriptions of anything and anyone)…I’d say it’s been the most rocking phase in my life. Rocking, not in the happy, hep-n-happening sense of the term, but in the sense that my life has taken so many unexpected twists and turns and been rocked from it’s roots so many times, that no other word but ‘rocking’ could best describe it.

Taking the example of my internet habits, I’ve gone from being –

• Someone who’s life depended on her internet connection, having so many loved ones abroad, to someone who knows that the internet is but a medium to keep the illusion of the relationship alive.
• Someone who checked her emails twice, sometimes thrice a day to someone who checks her emails twice a week, if lucky, thrice!
• Someone who blogged daily, to someone who blogs once a week and thinks that’s regular!

Superficial yes, but there are so many small changes that have gone into making me who I am today – and the changes just continue to happen each day, whether in small or big ways. I wonder where I will be five years from today – and though I pray that I don’t have to see any more radical changes I know inside that so much more still lies around the corner.

Sigh – guess I should take those vitamins regularly if I must emerge the survivor eh?

Current song : Je survivrai (otherwise popular as ‘I will survive’)
Current read : Lady Oracle by Margaret Atwood
Current Colour: Blue, a deep, thick, dark blue.
Current Mood : Pensive

Boo - encore!

I'm petrified of vehicles with just two wheels - right from bicycles to motobikes. I never learnt to ride a bicycle; falling off one when I tried, and making my friends fall when I sat behind them...the first time a friend gave me a lift on his bike, I nearly screeched him into breaking in the middle of a busy street. He was going at the dangerous speed of 30! ;-) Now, several years later when I sit behind my Puneri friends who are mobile thanks to their scooters/Scootys/Activas/etc kindly offer to drop me off, I straddle their vehicle much like I would a horse - pressing the flanks of the vehicle/horse when I want it to slow down! Even otherwise I'm rarely relaxed, scared that the maniacs let loose on the streets of Pune will drive too close and take away with them my precious limbs! Plus there is that mess that I have to deal with post-bike ride...the tangled mess I would refer to as my hair pre-bike ride! ;-)

Boo!

I'm scared of Pressure Cookers. There it's out! I'm bloody scared of them - I think they are wierd temperamental things that erupt and let out a hot, frothing, scalding emission at who-so-ever dares to go against them. They are scary. Period...

And no, you're not allowed to consult Freud's manul and psycho-analyse me on this declaration of mine!

Current Mood : Strange.