Mood Therapy Anyone?

Who needs a loony-bin or a fancy spa-resort to fix those grey moods when Bombay is just around the corner to breathe life back into me, to slay my demons and to revitalise me sending me back with a calmer, more peaceful mind? For four days, I lived in an idyllic world, where all I did was eat, drink, swing, watch television/movies, talk and laze around. Friends had been saying I need to take a break and get away from town (preferably to the city that breathes life into me) so when my usual flying visit to Bombay got extended thanks to the rains bringing the magnificient city "to a standstill" (ahem!) you can imagine the miracles it worked on me!

Activities:- As I said, I unwound totally - swinging gently, watching the world race past through a window overlooking my favourite park in the city or watching television. I discovered Sex and the City (yes, yes I'm slow in discovering such things - what to do I'm pop-culture deprived these days!) and had a whale of a time chuckling over the antics of Carey and co. I got totally mind-f***ed watching Closer on a rainy, romantic morning, when I should have been watching much cuddled in someone's loving arms (yes yes we don't need to remind that those loving arms still haven't made an appearance - gah!)! I rolled my eyes at the media reports of "baarish ki dehshat" that had the "yatayat thap" - pray tell me is it just the goverment and the civic bodies thata re to be blamed for the mess in that city? When are we as citizens going to take some responsibility? I "braved" the rains and let the "man" have his way (Muhaha), attempting to get to Bandra, when Juhu was water-logged only to turn around and come back to my "ilaaka" and head to good ol' Fame Adlabs for an incredibly ridiculous Superman Returns (please don't expect a review beyond this - "rolling my eyes"). I've had some amazingly delicious food - O Calcutta, Café Basilico, Pizza Casa, Café Biona and some very basic food - Swadesh, Appointment(!!) and Guju-ghar-ka-khana. I allowed myself to get buzzed by drinking wine too fast on a nearly empty stomach and I rejected Vodka - it simply doesn't excite my tongue enough to bother with it. I'll stick with my wine, cognac and smooth, hot-n-sexy liqueurs please! I've been made to walk, seriously walk in my completely-inadequate-for-walking sandals just because that's what we do when we are together (reference to bosom pal M). I've talked and talked till my vocal chords ached - I've giggled and chuckled and laughed over men, love and life...I realised that I've finally put my biggest mistake behind me. That chapter is closed. Finally. I finally gave into my urge to shop and indulge in retail therapy when I walked into Landmark, the awesome bookstore I've heard so much about, and bought books and music after many months. I followed that up, by picking up a sexy pair of trousers and a tee, when I was out helping a friend shop! Hehe!I got my hair chopped off - yes quite drastic this time. Actually short - shorter than it has ever been!!! I exchanged a crazy number of text messages and talked for quite a long time with friends back in the hamlet, all the time agonising over how my carefully maintained balance has been getting screwed with since last month - oh to hell with it, it's worth it!

Humans encountered:- Aristera, my graceful host who can get grumpy and chauvinistic at times and must be pampered but is on the whole one charming, adorable, huggable darling! A, my friend all set to fly off to the land of golden opportunities to pursue those dreams of hers - who I will miss more than I care to admit, even though I've tried hard to teach myself to live without her there everytime I turned around. M, who I have learnt to live without, as long as there are emails and telephones to pull into immediate use when that crazy voice is needed to inject hope back into my system - she still hasn't changed a bit! Extempore, the only friend outside the inner circle I deigned to meet (Muhaha!) - it felt good to indulge in some intellectual (ahem) conversation with her over Vodka, liqueur, pizza and Sex and the City! Got introduced to V, about whom I've heard plenty - now that I know that there is one nice person in that gang, I'm waiting to meet the others! (Hint hint)

....and then I sped back once again to reality, over an expressway that couldn't get more sublimely sexy. If I ached for some romance when I was swinging and looking out at the rain-drenched city, my yearnings for it were ten-fold as I gazed out of my window at the lush-green hills and the silvery cascades gushing down the hillsides as the bus cut through a fine misty fog that gently covered the ghats. Reality met me in the face of a pick-up from the bus-stop by AR(yes I'm very pampered these days - sue me for it!), followed by a quick-stop at work, non-stop class for 5 hours and a surprise birthday party for a senior colleague (professor) at AFP who turned 60 yesterday - my first work-party and was it the greatest fun! ;-) Good company coupled with wine, vodka, food and conversation! This morning brought with it work and freaking real issues to be faced and dealt with once again! Phew - oh well, the break has me energised enough to tackle life anew!

Current Book:- The Girl From The Chartreuse - Pierre Péju
Current Music:- Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper, I'll be There for You - The Rembrandts, Ain't No Mountain High Enough - Marvin Gaye, Footloose - Kenny Loggins(thanks AR for burning that last CD for me)
Current Mood:- Wickedly Morose and Indifferent.

Home

Misty roads led to the place where the heart is happiest - they said I'd take forever. I was home within three hours.

It's the sexiest weather. The skies are gloriously overcast. It's raining - pouring infact. From my vantage point in the swinging basket all I can see are trees beding under the onslaught of the showers. It's divine really. Sublime.

Last night was a fun-fun-fun night after oh-so-long. There was wine, cuisine par excellence at Cafe Basilico, good conversation (even girl-talk and guy-talk!) and friends. Happy - that's what I was last night. Just happy. The wine, I think, helped, but in general there was happiness in the air. Home in the rains, with my closest friends for company - little more could I ask for. Kept questioning it - it's been so long since I felt this carefree and happy. Happy. Yes I know I keep saying it...sssshhhh!

Strangely enough the overcast skies seem to have cast a shadow on my mood this morning...it's true I think, question happiness and you aren't happy any more!

On a happier note, though, am here for atleast two more days. Two crazy, fun-filled days I hope - am sure the mood will improve...and the downpour just got crazier!

Voila...

Current Music Addictions : I Wish I Was A Punk-rocker - Sandy Thom , Crazy - Gnarl's Barkeley

Mellow...

Sitting by the balcony, a lazy breeze wafting in through the doors left wide open, the scent of Ceylonese mint tea par excellence meandering its way upto my nostrils, I can't help but let my mind drift and generally take stock of things. The first-half of the year, has by any standards been one crazy roller-coaster ride, each new development taking me by surprise, good or bad.
The other day I was chatting with a close buddy away in the land of golden opportnities since a month (he objects to my flagrant disrespect of people's privacy on my blog, so I shall restrain from naming him) and it struck me on just how much has happened this month. There were the days of sheer workoholicism and there are the days of sheer idleness and daily vellagiri. I've met someone of whom I'm strangely fond. I've been at the receiving end of very flattering attention, which has made me question its source and wonder why it couldn't have been more appropriate. I've felt lost, lonely and anchorless. I've learnt how to battle my demons with greater efficacy than ever before - and yes I think I'm slowly learning to talk about them as well...i.e talk when it matters, not when the demons have been temporarily slayed! I've dealt with work-place politics and discovered that I'm quite my father's daughter in dealing with such things - something that not only reassured me but also filled me with pride. Incidentally I do believe that the winds of change have started blowing and the work-place should soon become more than just a professional stop, with the general atmosphere improving vastly because of certain developments.

Prem Joshua is playing on Papa's laptop as I type this - and strangely enough for the second time in two days I'm itching to write again, after more than a year. Speaking of music, I never got around to talking about the two concerts I attended this month, both organised by AFP as a part of the Fête de la Musique celebrations - for the uninformed, the Fête, is celebrated every year in France on the 21st June (summer solstice) since 1985. Started off by Jacques Lang, it basically is a celebration of music with concerts held everywhere - on streets, in cafés, in schools, hospitals..even prisons. AFP did its bit, by organising a pre-fête concert of world music and ofcourse the main event on Saturday, albeit a couple of days after "the" day. The world music concert, inappropriately titled Jugalbandi, was quite mindblowing stuff to put it mildly. If not for the sad choice of venue, it would have been one rocking concert - a group of people from vastly different cultural backgrounds came together to make some kick-ass music. For the brief hour or so, I was transplanted to another plane and I remembered why I used to say that Music is my Porn! :-)

The second concert, which Aristera has also spoken about was the main Fête de la musique concert, organised in collaboration with Max Mueller Bhavan Pune. The venue, this time was perfectly divine - a cozy atmosphere at the MMB lawns on a cloudy, monsoon evening. The students and staff of both institutions put up a pretty good show - whether it was the renditions of western classical masterpieces (Beethoven and Mozart) on the piano, or the utterly charming pocket choir, or the rocking performances by the AFP students and faculty - nothing like a good musical evening eh?

La Vie, Cest Une Salope!

Ah oui, ça c'est vrai. Life is so totally one rocking and completely unpredictable bitch. Ok, why am I saying something of this sort - ain't I supposed to be feminist incarnate? Even my students think so now...jesus, pray tell me what vibes I emanate that people who barely know me merrily label me feminist and manage to find enough supporting evidence for it as well! Ok digressing...so yeah, perhaps life ain't a bitch, but it sure as hell is anything but a smooth ride.
It's been one insane week - have gone from working 7 days a week, to working only weekends - I'm busier on weekends now, having accepted to take on the new kids course for the school session, but haven't a single class during the week. The whole idea of all those many idle hours has all but driven me up the wall in despair - free time is something I have come to fear, for it means too much time to think, and I fear my thoughts. Alot. So, after relaxing and restoring my energy levels for a fortnight, I intend to start exploring options - if Geetanjali can't teach, she will study. :-)

I've experienced one crazy gamut of emotions in this one short week - have gone from content and satisfied to worried sick, from exhilarated to down-right depressed, from wickedly naughty and cheeky to plain prosaic and as dull and lifeless as I could get, have given vent to pent-up emotions and exercised an iron-control over them - wondering if I've let something get out of control and hoping it doesn't blow up in my face as last night did! The whole week sure took it's toll on me. By Saturday night I was oh-so-close to exploding, and this with best buddy in town and sudden plans to hit the town (instead of the quiet dinner I'd planned and hope for) with people I didn't want witnessing me at my nastiest, weakest best when all I want to do is lash out blindly and hurt someone just as much as I am hurting inside. Boy, was my head a cauldron of wild emotions last night - still amazed at how I survived the night!

A quieter Sunday has restored the calm and peace inside me - merci bon dieu. Class was great fun today - I'd never imagined that I'd get such pleasure from teaching, and it continues to amaze me with it's healing powers. It sure as hell works wonders for my messed up brain! Followed up class with a quiet half-n-hour by myself (after oh-so-long) sipping cappucino and reading Greek plays, till friend joined me...had a nice, lazy lunch that left me satiated and lazier. Sunday siesta after a long long time - it's been a nice, lazy Sunday and much as I'd like to follow it up with a nicer, lazier Monday there are things that must be taken care of as soon as possible.

Current Music :- Donna Summer - Hot Stuff, This Time I Know It's For Real. Go West - King of Wishful Thinking, Faithful Retro Music Rocks! :-)

Current Book :- Still reading Euripedes' plays - slower progress this time, but satisfying nevertheless.

From the Freak's Desk...

Light-hearted and carefree since last evening. The skies opened up last night and it poured - oh, it was such a fine display of nature's passion. Lightening streaks zigzagged across the skies heavy with pregnant clouds, setting the atmosphere for the downpour to follow. Later everything smelt so wonderfully clean, the air was redundant with the heavenly scent of freshly watered earth. The crazy Pune roads with their potholes were a mass of delightful puddles that reflected the headlights of cars zipping past in a mesmerising patterns.

Am at home today after the longest time - have worked hard the last one month, without a single day's break. One of my two batches took their exam last Friday - feels strange to not be thinking about that class anymore. Oddly enough I haven't the faintest clue whether I'll be teaching much in the new session apart from my weekend course. We aren't too high on organisation these days at AFPune. Heh. That was sarcasm incase you didn't get it. Odder yet, instead of being lazy and relaxing I've been busy all morning cleaning, dusting, organising papers and files, creating more exercises, classifying them according to grammatical category to facilitate easier access when I need them later - shit I'm such a freak!

The skies are overcast once again - and my heart's begin to skip a merry beat again...am sitting with my headphones plugged in, my fingers dancing across the keyboard as myriad, delightful images flit across my mind's eye and my senses are electrifyingly active. It's the perfect weather for good, rocking music, long strolls by the sea or under a canopy of trees, huge mugs of coffee, meandering conversations - it's the perfect weather for words. Oh how I ache for some soul fulfilling conversation with one of my buddies.

Current Music - Bon Jovi (Miracle, Something for the Pain, Wild in the Streets, Sleep when I'm Dead, Born to be my Baby) - he rules!

A Prosaic Ode to my Pals...

I'm not an extrovert. My social skills are pretty dismal - I've never really learnt to network and have never been great at making friends. Friends, when I do eventually find them are for life - none of the "Best friends today, strangers tomorrow" business for me. Ofcourse I've made mistakes - (who hasn't?) and each of those few times I was shattered by the betrayal. I'd like to believe I've learnt from my mistakes and my choice of friends is not so erroneous anymore ;-)

My list of "friends" isn't terribly long, but I take immense pride in saying that I know that each and every one of these people would stand up for me come what may, and it goes without saying that I'd do the same. Each and every one of them is quite crazy in their own way - my brother often says that I wouldn't befriend someone if s/he wasn't a freak. I think I love that about my friends - there is never a dull moment when I'm with my friends - whether we are just fooling around, chilling out or butting heads over something, it's always intellectually satisfying, not to mention incredible fun!

Messieurs, Mesdames et Mademoiselles, je vous présente mes amis :

The Inner Circle - My guardian angels, my support system - they are my oldest friends and I simply can't imagine life without them. I've grown up with them, they know me inside out, they are the ones who've truly accepted me as I am with all my eccentricites and weaknesses and love me despite them - sometimes I think they love me for them! :-)

Kunu Baba - What can I say about him? He's my dearest friend - I don't know what I'd do without him. I'd be quite, completely lost without him. And if Kunu ever decides he doesn't want to be friends any more, I'd be shattered. Kunu and I have shared so much - all those lovely evenings and memorable conversations over coffees, our trip together to Udaipur, his trips to Pune, staying at his pad when I'm in Bombay, the long walks on the beach - we've known each other for over 15 years now... and in this period, I've learnt so much from him. He's responsible for single-handedly pulling me out of my worst phase and continues to be my pillar of support. Our connection is so great, it's no wonder so many people have thought there's something more to the relationship than 'just' friendship! It's not something I say often, but I absolutely adore you Kunu Baba!

Appu - My adorable, eccentric scientist friend. Mark my words - she's going to make it big one day. I'm so proud of her - so often intimidated by her intelligence as well and have even wondered why she chose me to be her friend. Then I stop myself and think "Well she's made that mistake now and she's stuck with it for life." We've been through our rough patch when we didn't talk to each other and if we did it was to hurt the other - but we've crossed that now. Grew up somewhere along the way, grew closer as well. She's going to fly away soon and I'm going to miss her so much - am going to miss her crazy ways, her stubborn refusals to go out when she's broke, her Bambaiyya rasta language. I'm going to miss hearing her call me "Kamini" or "Raapchik". I'm going to miss seeing her huggable form in those well-worn cotton kurtas and jeans. I'm going to miss talking to her. I'm going to miss her. Period. Wish we'd made one last trip together - it's been a long time since we went somewhere together. I know we're probably going to be on opposite ends of the world for most of our lies, but know this sweetie - I'll never stop loving thee!

Mansi - My craziest, maddest, most frustrating friend ever. She's my rock. She's heard me rant and rave. She's heard me bitch and slander. She's heard me wax lyrical about my latest passion (book/song/movie/interest/man). She's seen me cry like a baby. She's seen me laugh with wicked delight. She's driven me up the wall with her arguments. She's made me tear my hair when she refused to budge from her position. Mansi, is undoubtedly one in a million. I once threw her out of the house for trying to teach me Maths - and didn't talk to her for an entire year...can't believe I wasted so much time. Had I known that one day she wouldn't be within reaching distance, I wonder if I'd have done the same thing. I remember how lost I was when she moved to Muscat - after years of turning around and always finding her there for me, I simply didn't know what to do without her. Even today when she comes down to India and we meet - it's me who talks and talks and talks...and Mansi still has the ability of making me screech in frustration in the middle of the street. Something's never change. My Mansi will never change!

The Puneris - They are going to take my hide for referring to them in this manner, but let's face it guys, you'll are all from Pune! In the short span of one year or so, they've grown to become good friends and have been allowed to step into the inner circle. :-)

Titu Dada - My first friend in Pune - we met through a Writer's Group and bonded over a common interest in fiction writing and later our disgust with the group...only to discover we are alike in so many other things. I've shared so much with him in such a short time, it's wierd. He made Pune bearable - hell, he made me start discovering the good things about the damn hamlet. I think he's my maddest friend after Mansi - ofcourse he is Bengali, so that contributes to his eccentricites. Muhaha - I'm going to have a heated discussion over this comment. Heated discussions - that's our favourite thing to do. Actually, one wouldn't call them heated discussions, as much as fights. Neither of us would be able to digest our food if we didn't fight and argue like juvenile kids over the strangest, silliest, vaguest of things. I usually win, ofcourse, with my superior intellect and memory! LOL! I thought I would lose him as a friend, but I've come to realise that friendships like this one are rare and not only worth fighting for but worth caring a damn about the rest of the world to preserve...and worth tolerating Savera! ;-)

Kitana - Until recently, she had the honour of being my youngest friend. The baccha with whom I hang out with at Law College Road Barista, with whom I gossip about the latest at AFP, with whom I indulge in girl-talk and French-talk and Literature-talk. Sometimes I wonder why we are friends - apart from the age-gap, there was that glaring difference in our personalities. She's the quintessential hep-n-happening, smart-n-with-it collegiate, something I never was. But she's also one of the most genuine, most giving, big-hearted and warmest people I know - her bindaas attitude often leads to her being misunderstood by others, but she's a real gem inside, this kid who brings out the fun-loving, crazy girl in me. We bonded somewhere along the way - and I'm really glad we did Kitana...and sweetie, do what you want, you'll always be the baby keeda for me! ;-)

Mlle Avocat - Well not yet, but she's on her way to the Courts of Law and Justice. Strict, uncompromising, unrelenting, she's someone with a deep integrity. Aloof at first, she's someone with an incredibly warm personality and the best person to talk to when you need sensible, practical advice. Ofcourse, she can be silly and oodles of fun as well - when in the right company, read Kitana who brings out the mischievous devil in all of us! The three of us are so different, yet get along like a house on fire - I haven't spent as much time with her as I'd like to, but I hope to remedy that in the months to come. Mlle Avocat, you are truly a good friend and I'll never forget that.

...and the new kid on the block AR. A really sweet, charming guy, who very recently moved into the slot of my youngest friend, thus successfully displacing Kitana from her place of honour! ;-) In a rather short span of time he's wormed his way into my affections - I'm still not sure how though, specially since he talks non-stop about a topic I know zilch about. Wierder yet, he still manages to keep me entertained (and might just end up educating me on that subject - *shudder*) ;-) I didn't think I'd ever meet a person who could out-do me on my habit of running on like a tape recorder without a stop button, but I've actually found the person! I hope we stay in touch. I have a good feeling about this one.

Let's Go - II

Ahmedabad/Udaipur - Even though my first trip to Ahmedabad was just as peaceful (and I have Kunu Baba to thank for both the trips), the second trip with Udaipur included is definitely dearer to me. Visiting the stepwell of Adalaj early in the morning, when the breeze was slightly chilly despite it being the first week of May - those peacocks dancing in the garden behind the well, sitting on the wall not bothered about the direction the conversation took...the bus ride to Udaipur may have been agonising for my back and I may have returned with the mother of all colds, but Udaipur itself was idyllic. Venice of the East, they say and to me it truly was - from the hotel we stayed in, to those lovely candle-lit meals on rooftop restaurants across the old city, from that visit of Devigadh to walking across the lake to our favourite restaurant in town - this trip ranks high in my memories. :-)

Germany - My longest vacation! Hehehe - seriously, it was supposed to be a student exchange but given that we weren't exactly given any credits for our studies there, it was more of a vacation...and what a vacation it was! Three months away from home - friends say I changed alot during that trip. I think I did - truly came out of the shell I'd been hiding in, grew comfortable in my own skin, grew alot more independant. Germany was great in many senses - apart from the independance, dealing with different people, staying in such a completely alien environment where even the language was unknown to me - making some wonderful friends, one of whom I'm still in touch with...travelling! Wittenberg, Luneberg, Berlin, Hamburg, Heidelberg - and ofcourse Magdeburg where I stayed. I wish I'd seen more - I still hope to go back to Germany, see more of it (this time the Bavarian regions hopefully) and yes, go back to Magdeburg, of which I have many fond memories and visit my favourite German! :-)

Sweden - An offshoot of my German trip, this wouldn't have happened, if not for Papa - he pushed me into it and I stepped into it with quavering feet and butterflies fluttering nervously in my stomach. Missed trains, cancelled trains, unscheduled stop-overs, cold stations later, I reached Stockholm over 12 hours behind schedule, nervous about the strangers I was going to meet - they are now good friends with whom I correspond regularly. Sweden was great - the snow, the reindeer meat, the Viking graves, the typical Swedish meals, the hospitality of my hosts. I think I'd like to go back someday...

France - Merci bon dieu pour me donner une opportunité d'y aller! I'm so glad I got a chance to visit France - to say that it was a dream come true, would not be an exaggeration. I could go on endlessly about the trip - and oft do I lapse into rambling memories of the trip even in class when I'm dealing with the cultural part of the course. Bordeaux, St.Émilion, Paris - it was merveilleux! I walked more than I've walked in my life and got back to Magdeburg with stones as calves, but the amount I soaked in just one week, has stayed with me till now. It's been two and a half years and I'm itching to go back - meet my friends again and see more of this country who's language I so love and am teaching....let it happen next year dear God!

Bhopal - A road trip, we made just a few weeks after I got back from Germany. We drove up to Bhopal for a distant cousin's wedding - it was one big family get-together, but the best part of the trip was the drive to Bhopal, through Maharashtra and Madhya Pradesh, through areas notorious for the dacoits, through seedy, sleepy towns, past the imposing montains of central India, past numerous accidents (a result of the reckless driving Indians in which indulge on narrow, winding highways), stopping for meals at road-side dhabas, the mind-blowing sunsets and the awe-inspiring sunrises - it pretty much all stole my breath and convinced me that there is no country like India....

Two years later, and a few more trips later, I still echo that. There's so much more I want to see of our country. I'm planning a trip down south later this year - hopefully I'll be able to squeeze in Hampi along with Bangalore. *crossing my fingers* There's still the East which I've not seen at all - and then alot of the North...and Jaisalmer...and...and...the list in pretty endless really:-)

Let's Go (I)

I saw the ALTO advert the other day, and within me stirred the desire (buried deep for the past few months) to travel - to take off to a new destination once again, to explore a new place, to just kick back my shoes and relax, let the wind play with my hair and let my hands hang lazily from the side of the bed as I trace crazy patterns on the floor beneath me...and I took a quick jog down nostalgia lane. Later I pulled out my old albums and the memories came flooding back in full force - I can't take leave and travel for quite a while, so I'm going to let my mind do the travelling - this time into the past...

Jaipur - Hot, hot, hot. A luxurious hotel room fit for a royal family - it was one of those palaces converted into a hotel. Papa was on a working holiday - he'd be in conferences most of the day and we'd idle around in the local markets picking up block-printed textiles, cozy razais, mojris, bangles and minakari jewellery. Have rather foggy memories of sight-seeing etc, but three memories are burnt in my mind - the elephant ride in one of those mahals, witnessing a real fight between a snake and a mongoose on the streets of Jaipur and the puppet-show every night in our hotel - I bought a puppet from there and had it for the longest time, till I finally decided to give it away to my maid's niece some four years back.

Kufri/Simla/Chandigarh - Perhaps the family vacation of which I have the fondest and strongest memories. Staying in that cozy log cabin in Kufri, mixing Milkmaid in yak milk to make it palatable, riding on a yak, clambering on hillsides and posing as a hilly-billy in those typical clothes and those fake flower baskets. Strolling through orchards in Simla and Chandigarh, driving down the winding hillsides - the wind still had a slight bite in it and I still needed a sweater in April. I wonder if it's still as idyllic...

Goa - The last real family vacation we took - when the sole purpose of the trip was to relax, roam around, enjoy the local cuisine et al. I'm not one of those who swears by Goa as a holiday destination, but I still remember enjoying this vacation with all it's bumpy rides on Goan roads and crossing the ferry - our car's silencer got busted on the first day and we went around Goa in a car which sounded like a freaking tractor! Picked up tons and tons of shells which broke and gradually disappeared over the years. Papa had resigned from MDS just after this trip and for the next decade or so, he hadn't taken a single vacation. His innumerable business trips across the country and in Europe don't count.

Bangalore - I've been to Bangalore many times, but my most memorable trip would be the one I made with Appu - we were still kids in the way kids were back then. We'd just finished our F.Y exams and had taken off to Bangalore on our own - stayed with my Bua and cousins. Still smile when I think of that evening on M.G road and Brigade road when we'd shopped till we dropped, drooled over the cadets and the Bangalore hotties, sat in Cafe Coffee Day sipping the best cold coffee we've ever had - they just didn't maintain their standards. Memories of the Mysore trip with its 'virginal' sandalwood and silk sarees can still leave me rolling with laughter...and ofcourse reminding Appu of how she gave me the fright of my life when she woke me up by talking (shouting) in her sleep and fighting with her kith-n-kin in her dreams. :-)

Goa (again) - Ironic that it features twice in this list of memorable vacations, despite not being my favourite holiday destination. This trip was made with Appu and was nothing like a typical Goan vacation. We were awaiting our TY results when we took off for Goa - once again stayed with family (this time her Bua) - Goa this time was long strolls on the beaches, exploring Goa on our own, meandering walks through the hills of Goa, late nghts, crazy conversations, scrumpilicious food, rain...and news of my results.

(...to be contd)

Freaks of the World - Don't Call Me at Freakish Hours!

Yes apparently these days evenings start at 2100 hrs and apparently people sleep at 0400 hours. Yes apparently the world is turning upside down - we humans are turning into nocturnal creatures that sleep when the sun is up and are up-n-about when the sun is hiding. But guess what? I've still not crossed over to that side - evenings for me still start at 1700 hours, 2100 hours is night-time and bed-time is 2300 hours. Believe it or not I do wake up between 0600 and 0700 on most days and by 0830-0900 on holidays. Believe it or not, I do believe in the adage "Early to bed and early to rise makes a man, healthy, wealthy and wise." Well actually I'm not so sure of wealthy and wise - but definitely healthy, at peace, organised and content with myself.

So when some random acquaintance (no not a friend, for my friends wouldn't call me at odd hours unless it was important or they needed me to be there for them, which I always am, so don't you dare freaking read anything into this darlings) calls me up at midnight, or sends me a text message at 0320 (and it's not even like these people live in a different time-zone) I want to reach into the phone and personally punch the living daylights out them. Really if you insist on leading a freakish owl's lifestyle, why the hell do you assume so does the rest of the world? Incase you didn't notice we aren't playing Simon says and you aren't Simon. Don't you pause to think that the person might be sleeping, that when the phone rings/beeps you might wake up the person and/or the person sleeping with him/her - and worse yet, make that person worry that something has gone wrong which is why the phone is ringing at such an unearthly hour and then successfully mess up that person's sleep for the rest of the night?

All this to merely say that you happened to be thinking about me after 3/4 months? Couldn't that wait till tomorrow morning?

Why are people becoming so increasingly insensitive about other's lifestyles and routines? The number of freaks calling me up at odd hours has increased so much (and yes it's not a big number since I am not a terribly phone friendly person and don't encourage Tom, Dick, Harry and their cousins to call me up for random conversation) that I've taken to keeping my phone on silent in the afternoons and post 2230 lest the damn ring/beep disturb me or worse Ma, with whom I now sleep. It means unfortunately that at times I miss important calls, but then like that matters to those idiots who were calling just to say "Hi" or sending me a text message which is actually an inane forward about how the birds were chirping when they thought of me...and to think I didn't call and wake up my friends even when I lost my father, because I didn't want to wreck their night as well!

Current Mood:- Impatient. Chatty. Excited (for no reason!). Wicked.
Current Music:- Petit Pain au Chocolat by Joe Dassin

Je suis contente - après très longtemps!

A busy week. A good week. Failed plans that failed to disappoint - I'm finally learning how to not let every small thing affect me. Shit, does that mean that the path to enlightenement has finally opened up? ;-) Spent hours and hours planning classes, creating exercises. Late nights. early mornings. Satisfaction seeping through my bones. Nervousness as well - they better do well, for it's going to reflect on me! Getting spoilt by chauffeur service on an almost daily basis to-n-from work - it's going to hurt when I'm back to being dependant on the bloody unreliable, uncomfortable, unhappening PMT buses! Flattering attention from unexpected quarters - am definitely enjoying it. It's been a long, long time since I felt good about myself - confident of myself. Someone up there is working hard to ensure my days brighten up!
Merci bon dieu - et merci Papa, je suis sûr que c'est vous qui a fait ça!

Current Music - It's a Sin - Petshop Boys.
Current Book - 10 Plays by Euripedes (I'm done with Casa Rossa - it was a fabulous read. Review going up soon!)
Current Mood - Freaking exhausted. My eyes are heavy with sleep, but I'm very content. Incredibly so.

Updates:- The review of Lady Oracle is up on Literary Mosaic. Also check out Shaurya's site - obviously made by his father!

Drifting Along...

I've been planning to post for several days now but considering this is the first time I've accessed my computer in days (having checked my email in a giffy from work, two days back!) it seems a little pointless to post about what I wanted to post about. So then, I'm itching to post but wondering what to post about, since nothing's happening. Ofcourse this blog isn't just about what happens to me , with me, for me, by me - but then to post about the other stuff I want to post about, I need to do a little research first. Well not exactly research but kind of put those thoughts in some semblance of an order! Whoa is this turning out to be a post about what to post? Heheh I like that now! Gosh have I got ideas for posts, but if only I'd log in daily like I used to...de toute manière here's what I intend to post in the next fortnight or so, starting today (and I will post them coz they are already works in progress in the form mental notes) :-

• On Reading Habits (torn between posting this on Geebaby or Literary Mosaic)
• A Prosaic Ode to my Pals (raving about them time and again isn't enough - I have to do this!)
• Why You Shouldn't Call Me Post 22.30
• Random Moments from Holidays
• Book reviews for Literary Mosaic - Lady Oracle (Margaret Atwood - she is a genius!), Casa Rossa (Francesco Marciano - racing through it these days)

Yep that's about it - let's not get too ambitious now, right?

Current Mood :- Talkative. Content with work. Groovy.
Current Music :- Stupid Girl - Pink

PS Did I nearly forget that the pre-monsoon showers have become almost like monsoon showers and that with the rains I've gone to being the light-hearted, crazy, romantic me? Strange considering I don't really like getting wet and hate the muck caused by the showers, but then who said I was not eccentric?

P.P.S Typo in link for Phoenic Mecano India website stands corrected here. Go check it out people!

Naskhutiya Saal?

I've officially declared this year Naskhutiya (Bambaiyya slang for unlucky) as far as personal lives are concerned - everywhere I look people are struggling with their personal lives, trying desperately to cross the innumerable hurdles that are cropping up around every corner. Professionally, things seem to be falling into place but it all seems inconsequential in light of the personal problems.

OK that's it the horoscope for 2006. That will be Rs.1000/- please!

No, seriously, it's strange...I've been observing the lives of my friends, acquaintances and colleagues and am increasingly horrified at how things are going wrong in everyone's personal lives. This monday I arrived at work to discover that a colleague (my age) lost her father and grandmother to heart-attack within a span of two hours. No previous history. No complaints in the recent past. Nothing at all to prepare the family for the brutal shock. She didn't know about Papa - neither did the other colleague who broke the news to me. It goes without saying that I was shaken terribly - took me a while to recompose myself. Visited her, ofcourse - couldn't bring myself to dole out the usual platitudes, because I know that those are just words. I hope she surfaces the tragedy stronger.

Continuing on the naskhutiya note - I had a small accident of sorts. We'd gone for dinner last Sunday - a lovely roof-top restaurant on M.G Road that took me back to my Udaipur trip with Kunu Baba, when we ate at all these delightful roof-top restaurants. On our way down, I slipped on a broken step - my first thought was of my back, which I've injured on previous occassions and due to which I suffer intermittently. So, I twisted and fell on my left arm. It swelled up within minutes and developed a rather ugly colour - was scared I'd factured it, but luckily it was only a bruise. A painful bruise that required a crepe bandage for several days, but just a bruise!
- Actually considering my tendency to fall and get into minor accidents of the sort, that can't be attributed to the naskhutiya quality of the year!

On a different note, it's been a busy week - busy, but good. The teaching can be frustrating at times, when faced with a unresponsive class that refuses to use of their limited grey cells, but on the whole challenging and thus exciting. I'm enjoying it more and more, despite having one semi-dead batch. Ironically, the weekend batch - the one with the professionals who might have had problems with a young professor - is proving to be a far more enthusiastic and fun group! Looking forward to another busy week - busier with rendezvous with friends and perhaps even a visit from a bumchum pal.

Current pick-me-up music for mornings - 80s music. It rocks any time, every time. Modern Talkies - Kylie Minogue - Madonna - Milli Vanilli - AHA - Baltimore Boys - Laura Branigan...

Current mood - Naughty, mischievous. Light. Carefree.

(PS Pune had it's first showers of the season this evening - it's lovely. A cool breeze is wafting through the windows, bringing with it the delightful perfume of the freshly wettened earth. The sultry summer evening has been transformed into a pleasant evening within a few instants.)

Public Secrets - II

Whenever I go over a speed-breaker, I go "Whoopie" no matter what the speed of the vehicle - 20 or 120. It's a habit that dates back to sitting on the back-seat of the school bus and going up in air every time we hit a speed breaker and it's stuck till date. Child-like, yes, but fun as well. It usually succeeds in breaking the frown on my face and turning it into a smile - and makes others smile as well.


Accomplishments of the weekend :- Got back to Lady Oracle and finished it in one afternoon's sitting! Me thinks me's getting back on the reading front - *crosses fingers tight*
Accomplishment of the day :- Actually sat and worked with a dictionary for nearly 2 hours! That's the nerdy me surfacing - nerdy and freaking serious about doing a good job of teaching french!

Current Music:- Who Says You Can't Go Home - Bon Jovi

Current Book:- Short Stories by Thomas Hardy (Don't ask why I'm reading this soporific author)

Website Update:- Phoenix Mecano India - Papa's dream stand tall even though he ain't here any more to see it. Bhaiyya's been working on the website for a while - it's finally up to be visited!

Tell Me Why...

Tell me why life is so damn complicated...
Tell me why the good days seem like a distant memory...
Tell me why despite knowing the power of the word, I keep saying the wrong thing all the time these days and hurting others...
Tell me why my best intentions to help are constantly being misunderstood these days...
Tell me why my efforts to joke either fall flat or end up being more mood-damaging than mood-lifting...
Tell me why my friends won't respond to the plea in my voice when I ask them when they will drag their asses to Pune...
Tell me why my friend no longer calls me a friend. For the first time in five years I didn't lift the phone to dial a number and sing out Happy Birthday in my discordant voice - can't believe that someone who I cherished as much as the closest of my friends chose to shut me out so abruptly. Can't believe I no longer have the right to think of the said person as a friend. Can't believe I was so wrong in my judgement...

Yaar aaj kal bure din chal rahe hain, as far as personal life is concerned...

Public Secrets - I

I talk in gibberish. Absolute gibberish...something to the tune of "higdi-pigdi, kemba la kemba?" and expect you to understand. I haven't received an apt reply as yet, though my 10 month old nephew usually thinks it's something profound and generally responds in a similar lingo. Similar but not the same! ;-)


Weekly update : One inauguration event. Traumatic yet fulfilling. Immensely proud of Papa - his dream stands tall and proud today. Hats off to you Papa - you rock. Totally. Got a new phone the same day - as payment for the two glass paintings.
Flap phone - NOKIA. As usual don't know the model number; who cares about it anyway? The damn phone works and the battery doesn't die within 10 seconds of talktime - that's all I'm interested in! LOL!
Working like crazy - Papa would be proud of me. Bloody hell am now going to be working 7 days a week!!! And oh yes, how could I forget? Finally teaching the regular courses (Forum 1A), something for which I've been patiently waiting and waging a silent, stubborn war, for quite some time now! Strangely there was no feeling of acomplishment or excitement on the first day - hmmmm....
Need to get my hair cut, it's a straggly mess. Need to get a facial - my face desperately needs pampering after all it suffers in Pune's hot polluted environment. Need to go shop for new clothes, specially denims - my old jeans have paint on them! Running short of time all the time - need to organise myself.
Dead. Tired. Weak. Coming down with a cold, throat is already f***ed, brain's shutting down bit by bit - and I think I'm taking two new courses from tomorrow! The week ahead looms large in front of me...

Current Music - Hips Don't Lie - Shakira
Current Book - French notes, Tandem 1, Alex et Zoe 1 - I need serious help in this department! ;-)

...

"...A lot of nice things turn bad out there,Oh baby, baby, it’s a wild world..."

Remember this particular song by Mr.Big? I've been humming it since a few days now. It's a little out of context this song, but I'm not humming it so much for what it says than to keep the thoughts at bay - thoughts that pull me down and make me want to give up. I want Papa so desperately - it's so unfair. Why did he have to leave us? I miss him so much these days - who ever said it's easier as the days go by didn't know what he was talking about. It just gets so much tougher. Been pushing myself to the limits, running myself tired just so I don't dwell on his absence. It doesn't work. A single moment alone, a single idle moment and the tears well up threatening to pour over irrespective of where I am or who I am with...

Tired.
Lonely. So lonely. Conversations don't help. Crowds I don't like.
Missing you...why won't you talk to me?

Dog-tired...

It was another busy week - the heat is sapping all my energy making it so much more difficult to deal with everything. It's also made my students restless and apathetic towards all activities except for "Pendu" a.k.a Hangman.

I'd planned a nice lazy weekend, but it was not to be. The first painting was appreciated alot - since it looked rather forlorn amidst all the plain windows, I was asked to make another one. Short notice this time, but it's ready to be sent to the factory tomorrow morning. I'm not as happy with this one - the heat made working without the fan unbearable, making me irritable and eager to finish the painting as soon as I could. Opted for an easier, simpler design this time, putting in just enough effort to ensure that it would be an appropriate companion for the first painting. Tons of other work also had to be done - a "fiche pédagogique" to be made as a last assignment for my "formation pédagogique" (teacher training), a report about the formation, papers to be assessed, test papers to be set, lessons to be planned for the upcoming week. It's the last week of the first part of the summer session - which means alot of activities need to be planned, to revise all that we've done so far and keep the interest alive so they want to continue into the second level. Gave Schnapps a bath. Spent two long hours with the plants again this morning - from 6 o'clock till breakfast time. Pulled out weeds, trimmed plants, added fertilisers, sprayed pesticides, re-arranged the pots, cleaned the balcony. It felt good to see the plants gently swaying in the early morning breeze, almost as if they were happy with the attention they were getting. On the other hand, my index finger of my left hand has been rendered useless after a thorn from the rose plant went through :-(

Have been listening to love songs all weekend, having stumbled upon a new channel on World Space, apart from my usual RFI and Spin (Top 40) - Amore plays only love songs 24/7. Heard so many of my old favourites after such a long time - the volume kept going up after every third song!

I have been mulling over the genre of children's literature for a while now - wanted to go into details, but till that happens, there's something to start off with on Literary Mosaic and France Say about fairy tales.

Current Song - Bed of Roses by Bon Jovi
Current Mood/Colour - Grey, a washed out dull grey.

The Week-end Ends...

It’s been a terribly busy week-end – it was supposed to be a long weekend, what with the Labour Day and/or Maharashtra Day falling on Monday. But I barely realized when it flew past me and here I am once again on the threshold of a new week.

I slaved over a gigantic stain glass painting throughout Sunday – 36 inches by 46 inches. It was something I promised my father for his office – am living upto the promise with the new MD’s encouragement. He wanted an abstract design as opposed to my usual floral designs. Not the easiest task at the outset, but as usual the process of creating something beautiful took me by storm and I was lost in the process within minutes of setting the outline tube to the glass. It’s come out magnificent – warm, glowing colours, a design that can be interpreted in light of the company’s growth/progress. Papa would have liked it. I wish he were here to give me that assuring smile of approval – have been missing him so much this last one week.

Oft in the past two months have people praised my apparently “exemplary” behaviour and my strength. I don’t know what exactly they meant by it, since I saw no other way to be than the way I have been…for that matter I don’t even know if they meant what they said, having heard a lot of empty promises in this duration. For the past one week the effort to be strong, to be calm and composed has been getting to me and draining me out much more than the physical effort going into any work. Have spent much time under the shower crying my heart out, but there seems to be no end to the tears. I would like nothing better than to just let go. I don’t want to think about other’s problems, I definitely don’t want to pamper anyone else – If only… but then if wishes were horses…

Spent quite some time in our mini-garden this morning – digging up the soil in the plants and putting in the fertilizers and manure. Got my finger-nails disgustingly dirty –though not more than I did yesterday. At least today I didn’t have to use turpentine to get my hands clean. ;-) Once the plants were satisfied with the attention, I moved into the kitchen – making it a practice to indulge in a weekly cleaning and cooking session. Once a week I dust and clean the house properly, working up a very good sweat…and then follow it up by several hours in the kitchen whipping up something I enjoy eating. Well, so do the others, or so I say ;-)

Ah well, the weekend’s nearly over and there’s still work to be done. Let’s hope I can actually rest next weekend…

Question of the day : they say love is blind – I don’t know about that, but pray tell me why love makes people blind to what others are going through?

Realisation of the year : Never put anyone on a pedestal – after having done this several times, I’ve realized that when the said person falls from grace, the fall doesn’t hurt the person as much as it does oneself.

Random Blogging

oniomania (O-nee-uh-MAY-nee-uh, -MAYN-yuh) noun

Compulsive shopping; excessive, uncontrollable desire to buy things.

[From Latin, from Greek xnios (for sale), from onos (price) + -mania.]
Oniomania is another word for the urge to shop till you drop, habit of the debit, thrill of the bill. According to a pearl of ancient wisdom, we don't acquire things, things acquire us. In the case of oniomaniacs, it is perhaps the fun of acquiring things that acquires them.

Imelda Marcos of the Philippines could be one prime example of this category, also known as shopaholics.

-Updates on my other blogs - Something I got tagged for by my dear friend Aristera & Keya on Literary Mosaic and a little something in French on FranceSay

The Week Gone By...

Two blissful rendezvous with two of my oldest and closest friends - alot of heart-to-heart with atleast one of them. We've been friends since school days - disliked each other for most of school, but now closest of friends. It's been over a decade - shit that makes me feel old! One of them is going away - flying away to greener pastures, so to speak, to pursue a Ph.D in cancer immunology. Fancy na? My friends seem to have this knack of picking up high flying, erudite courses! Intelligent lot they are. Eccentric too. Lovable as well. Adorable. Irreplacable.

Two birthdays. One day. The first was nice - cozy, warm, just as birthdays should be with close ones there to bring in your birthday and wish you the best for every single day of your life. Good food. Good conversation. The yummiest home-made chocolate cake. The second was confusing. Too much noise over nothing. Two many flaring tempers. Terrible food....but the yummiest chocolate cake in town! :-)

Two new batches at AFPune this session. Summer courses - still stuck with the kids course, but am enjoying it this time. A bright, enthusiastic bunch of students makes it worth commuting in the infernal Pune heat, not to mention teaching in those stuffy classrooms with non-existent ventilation making them more like furnaces than 'salles de classe'! Planning and preparing for class is also far more enjoyable, knowing that what I do will be received well and appreciated...

Two days alone. Everyone's in tinsel town - taking care of annoying paper-work and even more annoying bank work, while I stay back to baby-sit the house. Well, not exactly - I saw no reason to cancel class just to visit banks, even if they are in the city that breathes life into me! Going to spend my time reading, pampering myself, sleeping, watching a film or two perhaps...and yes, entertaining a friend and visiting cousins!

Current Music - Please don't go - No Mercy (Does anyone remember this one-hit band of three? I used to love this song way back in school!)

Current Mood - Strangely enough, not great despite the good week. Lonely. Terribly so. Not 'coz I'm alone - lonely from inside. The void just keeps growing. :-(

Maunvrat?

It's almost a maunvrat these days, save the few people without whom I wouldn't stay sane and to whom I pour my heart out regularly. Every now and then, I get tired of talking. Yes, me "the-talk-a-dozen-words-a-minute" Geetanjali finds the effort that goes into talking extremely cumbersome and tiring. For a long time I wondered if this is a direct consequence of that dreaded PMS, but then I realised that it doesn't always co-incide with "that time of the month" and so I've come to the grand conclusion that it's not so much due to the hormones as it as due to my incredible personality. So anyways, I don't talk, apart from what is necessary. Friends who come knocking in cyber space and/or telecommunication space for the most part end up being ignored. At times like this, I wonder even more than at other times, how people maintain such large and busy social lives - how they can keep jabbering on-and-on endlessly, meaninglessly without ever feeling the words they utter. I'm glad, then, that my circle of friends is restricted to a select few, with whom words are not really necessary in order for me to communicate what I'm feeling. The silence rejuvenates for I bounce back as talkative as before and genial once again. Not an extrovert - never that! - but genial, yes, definitely.

Seperating the Chaff from the Grain

I’ve lost friends who I included amongst my closest friends and been disillusioned and betrayed – and I’ve met a lot of new people, not all whom I could call friends. I seem like an open person and oft do I say that my life is one bloody open book, but the real me is hidden deep inside and there are very few who get to see it on a regular basis. What irks the most is when people who’ve known me for barely a few months insist that they know me inside out, based on what is almost always a wrong perception of me from the clues they have picked up from a very public part of my personality. I’ve learnt how to separate the chaff from the grain so to speak. The ‘grain’ has never before been as dear as it is now.

Current Mood - Tired. Very tired. Sad. Lonely.
Current Music - Lotus Feet by Shakti.

Changes...

Aristera Baba said he’s changed so much in the past couple of years – I agree, but then I think he’s changed so much since the time I first him! :-) His statement made me think about me and how much I’ve changed in the last few years. They say change is the only thing constant in life – and looking back over the last five years I couldn’t agree more. If someone were to ask me to recapitulate the last five years in a sentence (something very difficult for a person like me – you can ask Aris Baba and he’ll confirm how it’s almost impossible for me to stick to short-n-sweet in my descriptions of anything and anyone)…I’d say it’s been the most rocking phase in my life. Rocking, not in the happy, hep-n-happening sense of the term, but in the sense that my life has taken so many unexpected twists and turns and been rocked from it’s roots so many times, that no other word but ‘rocking’ could best describe it.

Taking the example of my internet habits, I’ve gone from being –

• Someone who’s life depended on her internet connection, having so many loved ones abroad, to someone who knows that the internet is but a medium to keep the illusion of the relationship alive.
• Someone who checked her emails twice, sometimes thrice a day to someone who checks her emails twice a week, if lucky, thrice!
• Someone who blogged daily, to someone who blogs once a week and thinks that’s regular!

Superficial yes, but there are so many small changes that have gone into making me who I am today – and the changes just continue to happen each day, whether in small or big ways. I wonder where I will be five years from today – and though I pray that I don’t have to see any more radical changes I know inside that so much more still lies around the corner.

Sigh – guess I should take those vitamins regularly if I must emerge the survivor eh?

Current song : Je survivrai (otherwise popular as ‘I will survive’)
Current read : Lady Oracle by Margaret Atwood
Current Colour: Blue, a deep, thick, dark blue.
Current Mood : Pensive

Boo - encore!

I'm petrified of vehicles with just two wheels - right from bicycles to motobikes. I never learnt to ride a bicycle; falling off one when I tried, and making my friends fall when I sat behind them...the first time a friend gave me a lift on his bike, I nearly screeched him into breaking in the middle of a busy street. He was going at the dangerous speed of 30! ;-) Now, several years later when I sit behind my Puneri friends who are mobile thanks to their scooters/Scootys/Activas/etc kindly offer to drop me off, I straddle their vehicle much like I would a horse - pressing the flanks of the vehicle/horse when I want it to slow down! Even otherwise I'm rarely relaxed, scared that the maniacs let loose on the streets of Pune will drive too close and take away with them my precious limbs! Plus there is that mess that I have to deal with post-bike ride...the tangled mess I would refer to as my hair pre-bike ride! ;-)

Boo!

I'm scared of Pressure Cookers. There it's out! I'm bloody scared of them - I think they are wierd temperamental things that erupt and let out a hot, frothing, scalding emission at who-so-ever dares to go against them. They are scary. Period...

And no, you're not allowed to consult Freud's manul and psycho-analyse me on this declaration of mine!

Current Mood : Strange.

Dhyan se, yeh tan to hai sirf bhojan kaowon ke liye

A nice weekend with a visit from a literary snob who talks more than me and brought along pretty glass bangles and two books on loan - lots and lots of talking all over town...browsing through Manney's on Moledina Road and itching to buy my nephew so many books - I stayed away from the Literature section lest more temptation struck! Plenty to accomplish on Sunday, my only free day in the week - it flew past way too quick! A busy week, observing more hours a day, getting more and more ideas about how to conduct class, waiting and hoping to be given a regular class in the next session....The fact that I've been busy has kept me away from the computer and the internet - well that, and the fact that a wierd apathy has crept into my bones as far as this one activity is concerned. I type emails and posts on Papa's laptop and never get around to emailing them. Logging in seems like a mammoth effort at the end of the day when all I want to do is hit the sack, before my sleep vanishes and I spend another sleepless night walking through the rooms staring at photgraphs, trying to keep memories at bay lest they bring along with them tears.

Went for Lal Ded, performed by Mita Vasisht at the Shantaram Pond, FTII with everyone including little Shaurya. The setting was sublime - one can't possibly go wrong with the impact with a backdrop as that of Shantaram pond. It's an absolute delight to the senses. The performance left me wanting - il y avait une manque quelque part. I went expecting to hear Lal Ded's poems or maybe about her philosophy - what I got was a presentation of her life as the mystic saint who has most influenced the people of Kashmir. I have the French translation of her verses. I think I'll dig it out of the carton of books and pore over them in detail now - one verse from the performance stuck in my mind:

"Dhyan se, yeh tan to hai sirf bhojan kaowon ke liye"
(Careful, this body is but food for the crows.)

Touched by the gestures of some friends, exasperated at others who I don't know whether to ignore or shake in frustration, itching to step into yet another friend's life and set everything right - my life seems to revolve around my friends. What would I do without them?

Many many thanks to all of you - I don't know how to lean on anybody and I reach out to very few in times of distress, but your presence whether by way of comments on my blog, emails, SMS, phone calls, snail mail or physically visiting me...all meant to so much to me. Merci beaucoup mes ami(e)s! :-)

Blah...blech

Strange how death can resolve old issues - strange how suddenly people wake up to their mistakes and want to make up after over a decade of being insulting and hurting us. Wish I could turn back the clock, I'd rather have my father back than patch up with these people...but then I must be sensible and wise and not go around burning bridges. Civil, understanding, mature. Fighting the system - why do they have to build obstacles and be so bloody insensitive and corrupt at such times? The emptiness is still there. It disturbs me at night, robs me of my sleep, makes me restless, pierces my heart suddenly and makes me wanna cry. Sometimes I do that...I cry and let it out...ask God why he had to play such cruel games with us. Slowly involving myself in the activies I'm accustomed to - inch by inch per day. Unpacking boxes packed for a move never meant to be, reading, borrowing books from friends, watching movies (Breakfast at Tiffany's borrow from a friend), writing, class...

Friends from whom I had such few expectations have come through - my guardian angels are ofcourse always there to hold me up when I didn't have the energy nor the will to do that by myself. Strange, how a person who meant the world to me till a month back is nowhere on the radar at such a time, and stranger yet, that it has ceased to matter, that after years of being hurt, this final betrayal doesn't matter at all. Well that's the only good thing that has come out of this...

La vie - c'est vraiment bizarre! C'est difficile, très difficile, mais on survivra!

C'est La Vie?

Slowly limping back to routine, but every now and then I lose track of what's happening, lose control over my emotions - flare up or break down. I must do both without being observed, which makes it so much harder.

Two weeks since Papa's been gone - today like Schnapps, I too, was waiting for the bell to ring. My professor said the pain never goes away, you just learn to deal with it. Damn it but why must it hurt so?

Spent the day buried in work - assessed papers, wrote out preliminary assessment reports, filled in deacth claims for insumrance policies, write out intimation letters, replied to condolence messages. Am drained. Tomorrow's a new week...why am I not looking forward to it?

For Papa...

Oft in the recent past have I ranted and raved about my apparent misfortune, questioned what life had in store for me, lamented on how difficult life can be and even wondered if there really is a higher power up there that enjoys pulling our strings and turning our lives into a roller-coaster with one flick of his/her wrist. Never have I meant it as much as I do now...for with that one flick of a wrist, within an instant, my life as I knew it ceased to be.

4th March 2006, we'd returned home after a leisurely dinner at my Chacha's place, when we received that fatal call that changed everything. My father, away on a holiday with my mother in Kumarakum, Kerala, had suffered a heart attack....minutes later a second call confirmed our worst fears. In the days that have since passed, I've struggled to make myself believe that he won't be ringing the bell and come sauntering in with his laptop delighted with his latest accomplishment at Phoenix Mecano India. For as long as I can remember, my father's name has been synonymous with his work, his dedication to it, his honesty, uprightness and truthfulness - whether it was at M.D.S (today a part of LeGrand), or when he was a management consultant or in the last decade at P.M.I. He worked for the pleasure of working, never for the money...to the point that he's put in many hours, days, months of effort into building up people's companies and ended up not getting any remuneration at all. But that's Papa...and he totally kicks ass!

Yes he does. I wanted to say this during the Shanti Path when the priest asked if anyone wanted to say anything about him, but I was too choked at that the time. I want to rail against whoever is sitting up there, pulling our strings, for this was the wrong string pulled. It's unfair. Papa had planned so much, he had so much more to achieve. People talk of him as someone they can never forget, a man of exemplary vision, an able man of few words who believed more in decisive action to solve the problem instead of talking about it. All his dreams, his visions were so close to realisation. He had so much more to do, so much more to teach me, teach his grandson, teach all of us.

That it happened on his first vacation in donkey's years, that it happened when my parents were so far away from any family/friend, far even from medical assistance makes me go blind with rage at the injustice of it all. I still can't believe it, even though I was with him till the last minute at the crematorium. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night disoriented, my mind filled with a jumble of images. Papa smiling, frowning in concentration as he typed away on his laptop, glaring angrily at me when I refused to back down from an argument which was threatening to explode in my face, stroking my head before I went to sleep while I continued to browse blogs/chat/email, tired at the end of a long day at work, cold in the coffin...

It all seems so unreal...I wonder how things continue as if nothing has changed, I want to go stop everything, but life continues. And so must I, for my mother and for my father if not for anything else. I can't disappoint them - I have to fulfill my dreams and fulfill Papa's dreams for me. He always egged me to do more; it was me who was lazy, content with what I already had...I have to make him proud enough to sit up there and nod his head as he says that his daughter kicks ass....and my father would say that. Yes he would, because he did too!

Below is my favourite photograph of my parents together - taken several years ago when we were still in Bombay. It's how I'll always remember Papa - smiling, happy, proud of his family and confident in his accomplishments.

You Know It's Summer When...

- You start seeing piles of dark-green water melons piled up by the side of the road, the vendor displaying one cut-up to reveal the juicy red fruit within.
- You want to take a refreshing cold shower after a dusty morning packing up stuff, but the water that bursts out of the tap is anything but cold!
- The tempers start soaring with the temperatures and your own temper is perpetually flaring beyond control :-(
- The coolers start getting cleaned up and serviced for the coming season and you start wishing you could put on the air-conditioner, knowing very well that those damn machines are one of the reasons why we are experiencing an increase of 2.5-5 degress celcius in summers!
- All your clothes with high-necks and full-sleeves get buried under other clothes in your cupboard and those delightfully light, summery cottons with barely any sleeves get pulled out to the top.
- You can smell the frustration in the air; there is a restlessness in your spirit that makes you want to run-away, but yet lethargy seeps into your bones and apathy greets you at every step you take...
- At every quartier, you're greeted with a stall of nimbu-pani and gola, or better yet, ganne ka ras.
- You're dying to wear the sleeveless top you picked up from Weekender, but two things stop you - the damn sun burns your arms if you do and the damn top is too damn transparent for PMT buses! Grrrr!
- You stop seaking the sun for it's glorious warmth and start seaking the shade, hiding from the burning heat of the sun!
- You reach for the bottle of chilled Coke or Apple Juice in your refrigerator, instead of brewing yourself a cup of refreshing lemon tea, even though you know your tonsils are painfully enlarged and need the former rather than the latter!
- The tiles on your bedroom floor feel wonderfully good against your bare-skin and you wonder why you must get into your pyjamas at all!
- You start drinking water by the gallons, which is a real shock to your mother 'coz she has to often remind you to drink your first glass of water at the end of the day!

Yes people, like it or not, the verdict came in this afternoon loud and clear...

We've just entered March and Summer's already here (or as we now know, in Pune atleast) - and here to stay for a good long time!

I Am...

Tired - annoyed, asleep, beat, beat up, bored, broken-down, collapsing, consumed, distressed, dog-tired, drained, drooping, droopy, drowsy, empty, enervated, exasperated, fagged, faint, fatigued, fed up, flagging, haggard, irked, irritated, jaded, petered out, pooped, run-down, sick of, sleepy, spent, stale, tuckered out, wasted, weary, whacked, worn out

Disgusted - T'd off, abhorred, appalled, displeased, fed up, grossed out, had bellyful, had enough, had it, nauseated, offended, outraged, overwrought, repelled, repulsed, sick of, squeamish, turned off, unhappy, weary

Depressed - bad, bleeding, blue, blue funk, bummed out, cast down, crestfallen, crummy, dejected, despondent, destroyed, disconsolate, dispirited, down, downcast, downhearted, dragged, fed up, glum, grim, hurting, in pain, let down, low, low down, low-spirited, lugubrious, melancholy, moody, morose, pessimistic, ripped, sad, spiritless, taken down, torn up, unhappy, weeper, woebegone

Disillusioned - blasé, broken, debunked, disabused, disenchanted, disenthralled, disentranced, embittered, enlightened, indifferent, let-down, punctured, shattered.

Disappointed - aghast, balked, beaten, blue funk, cast down, chapfallen, complaining, defeated, depressed, despondent, disconcerted, discontented, discouraged, disenchanted, disgruntled, dissatisfied, distressed, down, downhearted, frustrated, hopeless, thwarted, unhappy, unsatisfied, upset, vanquished, worsted

While the previous one, is from Snap Shirts, this one is courtesy Dictionary

Word Cloud

Shit I'm a Freak! Or Am I?

So what else is new? I was in Junior College when they first started airing FRIENDS in India..and while the rest of my sweet sixteen friends scrambled to fit themselves into the image of the swelte and sexy Rachel, I was very happy being Monica. We are alike, Monica and me (except for the childhood history of weight - my battle, unlike her, was against lack of weight. LOL!). My need for things to be in order, neat and tidy is quite famous amongst my friends - I sort, plan, categorise things and simply can't tolerate a messsy environment. When visiting people's homes that are messy, my hands constantly itch to put things in place...it's a mammoth task resisting the urge, even with the fear of offending my hosts! Last week I was cooking peacefully when my folks returned from the supermarket and within minutes my neat haven of spices and freshly chopped veggies had turned into an arena of bags, fruits, groceries et al....and with that transformation went my joy in cooking. Head started paining and I had to abandon my culinary practices till I had the kitchen all neat and tidy again...makes the future rather scary, the thought that I might have to share the cooking (and living) space with someone who's messy and quite devoid of basic sense of cleanliness & any aesthetic sense!

But above all, I truly abhorr the almost inhumane, disgusting habit people have of dumping used utensils and crockery in the wash-basin, without rinsing them properly (some people even leave the left-overs in there - yuck!)...and I refuse to accept it as an obssession for cleanliness. To me, it's displaying a complete lack of hygiene and decency...what appalls me to the limit of fury is when they excuse that abominable mess by saying the maid will come and clean it? Why the hell should she? Would you ask her to clean your crap? (No, don't answer that...) Don't tell me you pay her to wash the dishes...it's unfair to expect her to clean that kind of a mess...food congealed in the plates/bowls/pans stinking after having been left like that for hours, sometimes overnight. *Puke* If that isn't practising feudal rights in the modern age, I don't know what it is! To all those who behave in such a fashion, I never fail to pray that their house gets infested with roaches and other unpleasant insects as a natural result of their sloth.

Freak or not...rinse your utensils before dumping them in the wash-basin people!

Book-o-holic

Once a voracious reader I find myself reading rather sporadically now in little fits and bursts of enthusiasm for the written word when I devour any kind of book within reach. Well almost any kind...I'm a very fussy reader at times. Books worth mention, that I've read since the beginning of the year are few...

1. The Giver - Lois Lowry (Thanks Extempore for making me read this)
A delightfully touching children's story that can be best described as child's inititation to the concept best-popularised by Orwell's 1984.

2. Walk Two Moons - Aaron Creche (Once again, thank you Extempore. Had you not loaned these two books to me, I'd still be very ignorant about children's literature beyond the token Enid Blyton, the classics and a few other names.)
One of those heart-warming tales that leave your eyes moist and a smile lingering on your lips - it left me with a delicious heart-ache (is that a paradox?) and incredibly glad for having read it!

3. Monkfish Moon - Romesh Gunsekera
An incredibly beautiful and poetic collection of short-stories, this was pretty much my initiation to the world of Sri Lankan writers. I'm impressed to say the least - the collection, apart from brimming with rich descriptions of the country that brought it startlingly alive in front of my eyes, also displays a keen sensitivity towards emotions, cultures, politics and ofcourse the ever prevalent issue in our times, diaspora. If I can shake myself out of this misreable lethargy I've developed off late vis-a-via Literary Mosaic, I'll post a detailed review soon.

4. Punchtantra - Gautam Bhatia
I'm reading this one right now, so won't say much about it yet...just that it's one of the most enthrallingly witty renderings of the fables that I've come across. Enchanting sarcasm. Delicious humour. Great morals...I'm definitely going to post in detail about this once it's done.

Also on the shelf :-

• The Age of Innocence - Edith Wharton (Pardon me, but I'm very slow when it comes to classics)
• Lady Oracle - Margaret Atwood (I've been hooked ever since Maddy Mata gifted me The HandMaid's Tale...this will be my third Atwood)
• The Djinn in the Nightingale's Eye - A.S.Byatt
• Corridors - Sarnath Banerjee (India's first graphic novel in the tradition of the Bande-Dessinée and graphic novels such as Marjane Satrapi's award winning Poulet aux Prunes - more on the subject when I've read it)
• Marciano - Casa Rossa
• Collected Works - Oscar Wilde (I won't pretend to have the grand ambition of licking this clean, but I do intend to read his poems and the major works.)
• 10 Plays - Euripedes (To continue my education on Greek tragedy and mythology)

To Love, Lust and Merchandising

Come February each year and we are bombarded by more than the usual lot of advertisements peddling clothes, gifts and jewellery - diamonds it seems is the flavour of the season. Take a look at the advert-supplement that comes with your newspaper and you have serious doubts about the apparent poverty of our country. A country whose citizens can afford to buy diamonds at the rate we do can't possibly be poor, can it? But I'm digressing...so yes it seems Valentine's Day is the time you splurge all you can to profess your love for the chosen one. I don't quite get the need to indulge in that frantic bout of merchandising, but to each his own.

In the past so many years the day never really incited any feelings in me - much like New Year's Eve, it came and went without truly affecting me, apart from the token sms to which I had to reply. But this year I wish there was someone, someone who told me I truly was special and that I meant the world to him. This year the loneliness and the heart-ache is tangible. This year I wish it had worked out the way I wanted it - I know that doesn't happen in the real world, but this year my yearning for a happy ending is more than ever before. This year I also know that it isn't to be, was never meant to be despite everything I did...and I wonder whether it will ever be...Sigh.

Anyways to all those of you out there who have found that one person who lights up your days, makes you a better person and reciprocates the feelings - Happy Valentine's Day :-)
P.S. Aristera reacted to the moral policing of the day a few days back - me thinks it's very well said...check it out. You can leave comments either here or there...make sure you let him know I sent you there so he cooks me dinner in return for the free publicity ;-)

Desi Firang

Visiting an archeaological site that is also one of the top tourist destinations for firangs with a French madame, wearing jeans and sleeveless tops and pattering away in a mix of English and French apprently earns one the title of a Desi Firang...or atleast I did. :-)

After another one of my quick trips to Bombay - this time to meet my dear friend from Bordeaux - I made another short trip to Aurangabad to explore the Ajanta-Ellora caves with her. It was supposed to be a backpackers trip but when my dear friend Aristera had to back out, I hit the panic button. I can never do something of the sort without planning well in advance and knowing how/where/when/why in detail. Daddy dearest who knows people in the city was brought onto the scene and voila - things were laid out for us so that the entire trip was smooth sailing. Hotel bookings, arrangement on transport - my main worries were taken care of, so all we had to do was play tourist, which was easy!

The caves, even though this was my second visit, left me awed and impressed. I was quite pleased with the roads in the city and on the way to both sets of caves and also with the way the A.S.I is working towards maintaining the Ajanta caves, having cordoned the area off from any vehicular traffic apart from the buses plying from the base to the main site and keeping the obnoxious guide books and postcard peddlars out of the main site. Having reached A'bad in the middle of the night, we were quite exhausted by the time we finished exploring the Ajanta caves - but satisfied with the experience.

The next day was devoted to Daulatabad fort (impressive and quite fun to explore - the squirrels scrambling on walls like lizards were just one of the reasons we stopped ever so often; the other was the view), Ellora caves and Bibi ka Maqbara. Kailash temple at Ellora stole my breath away - the fact that over 7000 labourers toiled over a period of 150 odd years to carve that work of art out of stone, is as good a testimony to man's perseverance as any! The sheer magnitude of work left me incredibly impressed...needless to say we walked around the site in a kind of awed silence. It's a pity the other tourists weren't affected similarly and had to roam around hooting like hooligans and giggling over the sculptures.

After seeing the temple, the remaining Buddhist and Jain caves at Ellora didn't move us much - add to that our calves which were beginning to protest at all the climbing and walking. If only the remaining caves were taken care of just like Ajanta and Kailash temple - the local population uses them like picnic spots, littering around and leaving behind their mark in the form of vulgar graffiti on the walls...

The same was the case at Bibi ka Maqbara, a replication of the Taj Mahal, but not half as appreciated by the government. It is in desperate need of cleaning up, not to mention some conservation work...why does it take a monument to be nearly ruined before we do something about it? And why, oh why must we stare at a white person like s/he is a freak from Mars and proceed to make rude comments if it happens to be a woman?

Despite my few misgivings, the trip on the whole was good - did I forget to mention the stop at a local weaving center where they make Paithani sarees and Himroo sareees and shawls? And that I couldn't resist picking up a gorgeous black silk stole with Himroo work? And that I wanted to also buy this incredibly gorgeous lavender saree but had to restrain? I would like to go back soon, more educated this time about the significance of the scultures and the frescoes...and buy that saree ;-)

Kisvilma—Az utolsó napló (The Last Dairy), Marta Meszaros, Hungary 2000

The last of the semi-autobiographical diary series by Marta Meszaros, the film revolves around Vilma's search for the truth. Vilma has returned to Kirgizstan to find out why her father was executed and perhaps finally come to terms with the tragic reality of her childhood. Many Europeans had been drawn to the idea of a socialist Eden in the USSR and Vilma's father was one of them - they moved to Kirgizstan and set up home in a small international community. Their idealic lives, however, were brought to an abrupt end under totalitarian oppression when thousands of people across the land were wrongly persecuted for treachery against the Soveit Union and Stalin.

Vilma's father is arrested and taken away, just as the other men in their community...one by one all her friends are orphaned as their parents are arrested. Her mother tries hard to bring him back but the fight drains her and she dies one night, leaving Vilma in the care of a Spanish friend...Vilma is then forcibly taken away to a Soviet school and given the revolutionary name of Nina Alexeyevna - she resists initially but her spirit is broken when her old friends from Kirgizstan refuse to acknowledge her as Vilma. Defeated she falls into place with the rules imposed on her...however the Spanish lady eventually succeeds in getting the children out and Vilma is allowed to return to her native home.

Unlike the others in the diary series, this focuses less on the political events and more on their repurcussions on the lives of the common man...take for example, the women's battle to survive when their men are imprisoned under false charges, or that of the orphaned children left in the care of those who want to wipe out their real identity. Spanning over the period of the World War, the film also brings into focus the predicament of those soldiers who survived on the front - but barely, having lose both sets of limbs. It's an extraordinarily sensitive film - not just in the treatment of the subject and the acting, but also in the use of the scenic backdrop, the Kirgizstanian culture, music and even colour. I was quite unabashedly crying towards the end of the film - this one film moved me enough to start reading up about Hungarian history and the entire Stalin period in the Soviet Union...education happening slowly and steadily. The film sure has an impact and I'd definitely urge others to seize the opportunity to watch the Diary series, in particular the last diary!

[ Ordinary Lives in Extraordinary Times - Marta Meszaros interviewed]

[Senses of Cinema - a well-compiled informative site on Cinema]

P.S I managed to catch Rang de Basanti last week - it's a good film, specially coming from an industry that churns out mindless crap like Garam Masala (don't ask - I was subjected to excruciating mental torture on more than one occassion returning from Bombay to Pune in the volvo). The movie, albeit a little over stylised, is well-made, sticks true to the historical events and manages to strike that chord inside you...added bonus - the soundtrack is mindblowing! I can't stop humming 'Roobaroo' even though Ma frowns everytime I start off with "Aye saala..." :-)

P.P.S Make sure you have the right sort of company when you watch movies such as the two mentioned above - the sort that doesn't chatter incessantly, giggles over scenes that do not provoke laughter and tries to find inane subtexts that do not exist.

Dinner for Six

So there's this tag going around and after a very long time one of these things piqued my curiosity and so here I am following instructions. What one has to do is basically invite six people for dinner (it's something like a hypothetical blogger's meet)...since there are several bloggers I've already met, my choice for the evening is going to only include those with whom I've not yet come face-to-face.

Invite :
You are cordially invited to dinner chez moi. Don't forget to bring along something to eat (it's potluck dinner people, I'm not in the mood to cook tonight), your biggest smile and last but definitely not the least important, your charming self :-)

Addressed to:-
1. Casablanca/Writing on the Wall - To unveil this mysterious blogger who's so open about her life, yet so zealously guards her identity. I would love to meet the person behind this persona...plus I'm sure you'd keep the conversation alive at the dinner table.
2. Wandering Dervish/Loud Thinking - He's a darling - I just know it and want to confirm it! Plus it would be great to meet this superintelligent guy with a poet's soul (and very warm generous one at that!)...can see the evening's conversation taking an erudite turn with him at the table...an extra request - could you bring along some music as well? :-)
3. Vaish/Apercevoir - She invited me to join her French blog (where I've not been very active) and then to her wedding (which I didn't attend) - apologies Vaish! I know you flew away but it would be great if you could hop into a plane and visit homeland for this cozy little dinner! J'aimerais bien te rencontrer!
4. Anil/Mottled Memories - He spins magic with his words and weaves a spell with his images...he also writes delightfully long emails and makes me feel dreadfully prosaic there as well! Like me, he's learnt French and landed up in Germany to study - I like people who do such things! I promise to visit Cologne if make it to Europe in the near future, but before that it would be great to meet you over wine, conversation and whatever else is on the dinner table :-) Tu viens?
5. Chamique/Momentary Muse - I've said it before - her's is one of the most honest blogs I've come across. No pretense there, no attempt to be anything but herself. Sensitive. Intelligent. Nice. It would be a great pleasure to meet the person behind those posts that make me smile and shed a sentimental tear with the same graceful ease!
6. Lotus - He doesn't blog much - not at all actually, but his persistent comments on my blog have piqued my curiosity. Besides I'm sure I can count on you to spice up the conversation by reading out your billet d'amour to his French professor - no chance of anyone getting bored with this flower gracing the table :-)

Alrighty then people...I'm sprucing up the place for you'll - bringing out the best lace table-cloth, the exquisite china plates and the silver ware. The wine's chilling and just waiting to be served...don't forget the food...and those smiles! :-)

Female Emancipation in P.M.T Keshavnagar

A year and half back when I moved from Bombay to Pune and went from using the sexy B.E.S.T buses to the run-down P.M.T buses I experienced what can only be termed as a culture shock. Accustomed to a travelling with people from all classes of the society in Bombay, I soon realised that 90% of the crowd in the P.M.T buses was from the lower class - which meant I now had to start thinking about what I was wearing when I stepped into a bus. I've hardly worn my shorter skirts since I've moved to Pune and every time I wear my wrap-arounds or the skirts with slits down one side, I get 'the looks' which I've learnt to ignore. That wasn't what really bothered me - what bothered me was the completely in-your-face blatant refusals by young able-bodied men to vacate their seats (reserved for women/handicapped/elderly) for an elderly man/woman. One instance I clearly remember is when I asked this guy to vacate the seat for this 'aaji' who must be around 70 - not only did the guy belligerently refuse to do so, when I started protesting vociferously, this aaji actually asked me not to bother unless I wanted to sit there! I was quite appalled and since I couldn't see myself sitting while she was standing, I let that guy continue to stay seated...and he stayed seated the entire way sending me a disgustingly sly smile of victory every few minutes. Over the year and a half that I've been here, I've witnessed many such scenes.

These days there's a new trend in the P.M.T buses, atleast those running from Keshavnagar. To start with, the newer buses have the entire left-hand side row of seats reserved for women. Around a month back, I got into a crowded bus and resigned myself to a long journey on my feet...only to suddenly find this woman nudging the guy sitting next to her, demanding he vacate the seat for me. When he tried to resist, all the women in that row all but pounced on him. Poor guy had no option but to vacate the seat for me....over the last few weeks the women have grown very fierce in their insistence on seeing the 'striyaansathi' rule applied. It's funny at times when the bus is nearly empty and there's this neat demarcation with all the women on the left and the men on the right - the conductor looks rather lost in no-man's land! Funnier yet - seeing them descend on the poor hapless man who's made the colossal mistake of occupying a seat on the left, specially when the women have also occupied quite a few seats on the right as well...the men are actually afraid of occupying those seats because they are sure a woman will soon descend on him screaming at him to get up!

It's almost as if they are venting the frustration of being forced into a submissive role at home, by bossing the men around in the bus! Sometimes I actually feel sorry for some of the men as they look on bewildered while the newly emancipated women commuters proceed to paint him a villain for sitting on the wrong side...most times though I'm busy chortling with unholy glee! :-)

P.S This was to be another movie review, but since some people are turning green with jealousy and others are feeling out of sort with my apparent spouting of cinematic intelligence, I decided to post about this first. Coming up - review of Little Vilma, the Last Diary.

La Pianiste (The Piano Teacher), Michael Haneke, France, 2000

The film is based on Nobel Laureate Elfried Jelinek's acclaimed novel The Piano Teacher. Isabelle Huppert plays the part of Erika, a respectable and rather stern piano teacher in her forties, who is staying with her rather possessive mother. The mother, with her refusal to let go off the umbilical cord, has smothered Erika to such an extent that she ends up with a repressed personality. Frustrated, she seeks voyeuristic relief in watching pornographic films and furtively watching couples in the act. As the film progresses she gets involved in a rather perverse relationship with one of her students, with a rather tragic end.

The film hits hard and it left me feeling very disturbed - repugnant, almost violently revolting at times I was left wondering why I subjected myself to the torture. It didn't help that I was watching the film in a rather uncomfortable position - the seats were all taken up when we entered so we took the 'best' seats...on the floor, two rows ahead of the first row from the screen. By the time the film ended my neck hurt, my butt hurt, my legs were beginning to go numb and my head was spinning with what I'd just seen. Most of the audience dismissed it as a terrible porn film - on the basis of the scenes that showed her going to watch porn and her interaction with the student. At that moment I didn't have much to argue against that judgement, so sickened was I by the film, but later as I thought more about it, I slowly began to see the film's merits - yes, it isn't an easy film to watch, even more difficult to digest - but I wouldn't dismiss it as trash.

There is no subtle way of representing a subject like this and like it or not, the subject is very relevant to our times and the societies we live in. Literature, infact art, is after all a reflection of our times and if our times are complex and spawn twisted personalities, can we really penalise the artists for representing it? Someone has to express the oppression, the physical and sexual violence, the twisted relationships...It's easy to dismiss art of this genre as trash and I, too, am guilty of having it done it with Alan Hollinghurst's A Line of Beauty. My first reaction to it was that the novel shouldn't be read at all, leave alone be acknowledged as serious literature and awarded a major literary prize. I am still not ready to give it a second shot, but then, I can be a rather difficult reader. There, ofcourse, isn't any direct comparison, since the subjects are very different. I have a feeling that The Piano Teacher has tried to delve into the psychological reasons for such a personality and its outcomes, not only on a personal level, but a social level also. I haven't read the novel so I can't be very sure, but having seen the film I think that is the case. There is a message in what Jelinek (and subsequently Haneke and Huppert) is saying - somewhere beneath those disgusting descriptions/scenes, she is trying to drive home a valid point.

This article in the Washington Post does good justice to the novel and the film, as far as the subject goes. Final verdict? Hard-hitting, depressing and disturbing. Acting par excellence. It's not easy to appreciate the film, but give it a shot...and approach it with an open mind.